Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you stay in the cellar or in a hotel room

165 replies

Cellarorhotel · 30/08/2025 18:06

Dh and I have distanced ourselves from his family for various reasons but we now have a newborn (5 months old in december) and it is his grandfather's birthday in December. He is 93 so likely to be his last. He has always loved his grandchildren and is very excited about any great grandchild. MIL (his daughter) has 4 kids and 3 kids plus partners will be there including us

There are 3 bedrooms plus a cellar where there is a sofa bed. Bedroom 1 is for DH's grandpa, MIL shares a room with single daughter. So last bedroom up for grabs. The last time we were there 2 years ago during fhe same time, it was occupied by sister no 2 and her fiancee. DH's married sister and her husband plus her MIL plus 1 year old stayed at a nearby hotel in 1 room (don't ask me why her MIL tagged along).

We usually book a hotel room but in my early married years we stayed in fhe cellar. I didn't mind it as we were young and skint and didn't have a baby. However that was only for 1 year as we always had enough money that we didn't think much of booking a local hotel for 2 weeks. We had a 6 figure household income and our mortgage was 2% and we went on loads of holidays.

However I have been on stat maternity pay and dh is worried about his job (so worried he is spending lots of time looking for one). Baby is very attached to me so i plan to find a new job where it is easier to fit around childcare and also want to be at home for 9 months. We have a mortgage (1282 for our london flat) and it's been expensive with a baby. We have around 37k in savings but a lot of that is earmarked for the future . Also dh sister is getting married next month so we are also spending money on hotels for that.

Logically we should just stay in the cellar but I remember it being cold (dh says its heated, I only remember it being cold cos the floors are made of stone and I don't wear socks in the house- the steps in that house are really steep so I am never sure why dh wears socks). Dh's family aren't the easiest either, as you can see, given we probably have to stay in the cellar with a baby. Dh asked his mum and she said well your sister is staying in fhe bedroom. At that time her partner was only the boyfriend and he refused to stay in the cellar hence why the other sister with the one year old baby had to stay in a hotel (which i think she could only afford cos the MIL and her went halves). I find being a new mum stressful, the idea of doing night feeds and all with them around is causing me anxiety so much so that I almost want to volunteer to stay in the cellar but yet I am worried about health impact on my baby. It is a converted cellar but mainly used for storage.

It's also over Christmas so an overall expensive time to book hotels..

OP posts:
mondaytosunday · 31/08/2025 09:39

Hotel. You have the money.

ConsumedByCake · 31/08/2025 09:36

Does this converted cellar have a fire exit/windows? Because I wouldn’t sleep in any room that didn’t have another form of exit in the event of a fire. And I certainly wouldn’t have my child in it.

Wildfairy · 31/08/2025 09:33

If there is heating in th4 coverted cellar and you can use it as much as you wish, I’d not have an issue staying there, yes stone floors are cold, irrelevant of where in the house they are, but that won’t impact your baby. Just wear slippers, shoes, or socks with grip, I am struggling to see the big deal. Different if it wasn’t heated or heat limited but as you can have the heating on full blast for 11 days I’m not getting it.

AspiringChatBot · 31/08/2025 09:32

You've stayed in the cellar before as has your husband, so trust your collective memory and sense of whether it will work for you this time. Is there a space heater that could be put down there? Loads of blankets? And grippy socks or slippers are much better than bare feet. But given the length of time plus not being on the greatest of teams with the family, I'd at least price some hotels.

(Actually, given the length of time - I'd go for a shorter amount of time! Husband can stay longer if he likes.)

MatildaTheCat · 31/08/2025 09:26

11 night would be too long if you were staying in the penthouse suite. Honestly, just write off the flights and go in January for 3-4 mights. The grandfather will have something to look forward to and be less overwhelmed by a full house.

Babies aren’t always good guests. They get unsettled and grumpy. All of the viruses are in full flush.

Stay home and go later.

AbzMoz · 31/08/2025 09:24

I think you’re conflating a few things OP.
it’s shitty that Mil and Sil demand the best rooms and there’s imbalance in the treatment of your DH vs siblings. But it is what it is.

Staying in a cellar is a non starter and given you don’t really like these people, having time apart makes more sense. I’d possibly arrange for half the time in the town with grandpa (and for DH to arrange to take him out individually) and then take the rest of the time in a set up that better suits you perhaps a bit further away.

If you really want to get a dig in about costs then on the group chat naively ask about the proper bedroom or for hotel costs to be shared, ideally in a group chat. But tbh that’ll take up more of your headspace and you’re likely to get the reply you want.

Lex345 · 31/08/2025 09:22

Cellarorhotel · 31/08/2025 09:16

His drinking habits are fhe reason why dh booked 11 nights as he thinks it's better to spend more time with his grandpa esp now with the baby. Drinking that much at that age isn't healthy to put it mildly.

The mortgage is our largest expense and the indication of our commitments vs our savings. Would we be having this conversation if my mortgage was £100, no. Would we be having this thread if my mortgage was 3k or 4k, probably not i have to suck up the cellar or not go.

Show quote history

Not quite true-you have been given several other suggestions and have poo-pooed them all.

Were you hoping everyone would tell you not to go?

I have no idea what you were wanting from this thread.

Objectively, you have plenty of savings, and time before going, to pay the oddly specific £542 for a hotel.

You could sleep in the living room

You could sleep in the cellar

You could change your flights

You could negotiate with fanily, or shock horror, share the room

Don't go and let DH go

Original poster
Cellarorhotel · 31/08/2025 09:21

TammyJones · 31/08/2025 09:13

He drinks a bottle of wine a day …. What’s the back story there????

I actually think he would live to a 100 if not for the alcohol (dh has deceased relatives who lived that long) . Maybe he would but he honestly should be featured in a newspaper if he makes it to a 100. Apparently in his day, people would bring a crate of beer to work and finish the whole thing. This isn't in the uk.

Dh isnalways worried about his alcohol consumption and says he is so much more frail every year.

It's not just a bottle of wine, also champagne and many many beers

OP posts:
Londog · 31/08/2025 09:18

if you’ve distanced yourselves for five years, it’s likely to be stressful and frankly awful. Either go at some point over the festivities for two nights and stay in air bnb or don’t bother and visit grandpa in better weather when your priority- your first baby - is put first xx

BCSurvivor · 31/08/2025 09:18

For goodness sake.
You have ''only'' 37K in savings and don't want to stay in the cellar.
Just book the hotel!
No one is forcing you to sleep in the cellar.

Original poster
Cellarorhotel · 31/08/2025 09:16

Crunchymum · 31/08/2025 09:11

None of this is relevant though?

The Tube, what you pay on your mortgage, your DH's grandfather's drinking habits?

Show quote history

His drinking habits are fhe reason why dh booked 11 nights as he thinks it's better to spend more time with his grandpa esp now with the baby. Drinking that much at that age isn't healthy to put it mildly.

The mortgage is our largest expense and the indication of our commitments vs our savings. Would we be having this conversation if my mortgage was £100, no. Would we be having this thread if my mortgage was 3k or 4k, probably not i have to suck up the cellar or not go.

OP posts:
itsachickeninnit · 31/08/2025 09:14

I wouldn’t stay in the cellar for 11 days with a baby, but nor would I stay in the same house as his family who you clearly don’t get on with.

Get an air bnb, it will probably be cheaper than an hotel and you’ll have more facilities. If I had 37k in savings it wouldn’t even occur to me to stay in that situation for 11 days.

TammyJones · 31/08/2025 09:13

He drinks a bottle of wine a day …. What’s the back story there????

JamesWebbSpaceTelescope · 31/08/2025 09:13

When you say cellar is it a dark, dank, gloomily place or a fully converted basement so just like a normal room but without windows?

Original poster
Cellarorhotel · 31/08/2025 09:12

GabriellaMontez · 31/08/2025 08:31

They're not cheap if you now have to pay 11 days of hotel room.

Just buy new return flights.

Show quote history

They would be more than the hotel room in a budget hotel tbh.

OP posts:
Twiglets1 · 31/08/2025 09:12

No way would I stay in a cellar for 11 nights especially with a tiny baby. I would be booking a self catering apartment nearby.

Crunchymum · 31/08/2025 09:11

Cellarorhotel · 31/08/2025 09:09

I am just saying that cos in my experience, a lot of people think an hour on public transport is too long for a baby. Even other londoners where we live in zone 3. But we are already used to it.

Show quote history

None of this is relevant though?

The Tube, what you pay on your mortgage, your DH's grandfather's drinking habits?

Lex345 · 31/08/2025 09:11

Cellarorhotel · 31/08/2025 09:07

No it's just new territory for me cos I always could pay for the hotel without blinking but I guess now my circumstances have changed. Without the baby i wouldn't have thought twice and probably would have felt less guilty about asking dh to stay for less time if it wasn't for the great grandson factor.

Dh always says he doesn't have many years left and it could be the last time cos this grandpa has champagne for breakfast, a bottle of wine for lunch and many beers after dinner. He has done this for the entire time I have known him which is 12 years. We always thought poor grandpa wants to drink himself to death so dh's instinct is to spend more time with him.

Show quote history

He drinks champagne, wine and beer all through the day, navigating a spiral marble staircase, and your question is whether to sleep in the cellar?!

STAY IN A HOTEL.

Original poster
Cellarorhotel · 31/08/2025 09:10

Crunchymum · 31/08/2025 09:03

You have also said you have significant savings and earnings so it's a tad disingenuous to ask "if it's worth spending the money" to have your stay in comfort.

I get if you're utterly skint but you aren't.

Edited
Show quote history

I am on mat pay and dh is worried about his job and we have a baby now so it's a bit different. I do get we are more fortunate than others

OP posts:
TammyJones · 31/08/2025 09:09

There is no way I’d spend 11 days in a cellar over Christmas ( baby or not)
Air b and b or wouldn’t go.

Original poster
Cellarorhotel · 31/08/2025 09:09

Crunchymum · 31/08/2025 09:06

So you're going to stay somewhere cheaper and commute using the equivalent of the Tube?

Or are you just telling us about the Tube anecdotally?

I am a Londoner too. I also got on the Tube with a newborn (and with a toddler and a pre schooler in tow) it's not a massively unusual thing to do.

Edited
Show quote history

I am just saying that cos in my experience, a lot of people think an hour on public transport is too long for a baby. Even other londoners where we live in zone 3. But we are already used to it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cellarorhotel · 31/08/2025 09:07

R0ckandHardPlace · 31/08/2025 06:55

Are you just salty because SIL gets the other bedroom and you think you’re entitled to it because you’ve got a baby? Or do you expect MIL to pay for half your hotel too?

No it's just new territory for me cos I always could pay for the hotel without blinking but I guess now my circumstances have changed. Without the baby i wouldn't have thought twice and probably would have felt less guilty about asking dh to stay for less time if it wasn't for the great grandson factor.

Dh always says he doesn't have many years left and it could be the last time cos this grandpa has champagne for breakfast, a bottle of wine for lunch and many beers after dinner. He has done this for the entire time I have known him which is 12 years. We always thought poor grandpa wants to drink himself to death so dh's instinct is to spend more time with him.

OP posts:
JamesWebbSpaceTelescope · 31/08/2025 09:07

Just stay in the cellar and buy some jumpers and some base layers. The baby will be fine - get a higher tog sleeping bag.

You said the cellar felt cold, that implies a bit chilly, not below 15 degrees. Dress appropriately, wear something on your feet (if your feet get cold you will feel the chill) and get on with it.

Crunchymum · 31/08/2025 09:06

Cellarorhotel · 31/08/2025 09:01

The option i am considering now is staying in a town an hour away which can be 542 quid. As londoners we often commute with baby on the Tube anyway(even when he was 2 weeks) and often it can be an hour anyway.

Show quote history

So you're going to stay somewhere cheaper and commute using the equivalent of the Tube?

Or are you just telling us about the Tube anecdotally?

I am a Londoner too. I also got on the Tube with a newborn (and with a toddler and a pre schooler in tow) it's not a massively unusual thing to do.

MsSmartShoes · 31/08/2025 09:05

i wouldn’t stay in the cellar.

Swipe left for the next trending thread