my DS turned 18 last week, he’s been in supported accomadtion for a few months cos i cudnt cope at home anymore. it’s a shared house run by the council with staff around some of the time, they help them learn to live independent and got rules they got to stick to, like curfew and no drink/drugs etc.
it got to the point here i was begging social to take over, he was smashing doors, shouting in my face, stealing from me and the little ones. he nicked my debit card once and spent nearly £100 on weed, i reported it but then dropped it cos i cudn’t face him getting arrested. people will probly say that was stupid but i was scared what he’d do if i didn’t. he’s punched holes in the walls, broken his sisters ipad, brought random girls and lads back at 2am, one time 5 of them sat in the living room smoking weed while my younger 2 was crying in bed. i called the police a few times when it got out of hand, but then felt guilty after and didn’t press charges.
when he moved to supported accomadtion the rules were clear: no guests after 10, curfew 10pm weekdays and midnight weekends, no alcohol or drugs inside, keep noise down, attend meetings with his keyworker, cook and clean his own space. i thought maybe he’d do better with outsiders setting rules cos he don’t listen to me. but i’ve had calls already, he’s sneaking girls in, mates hanging round, loud music, the neighbours complaining. staff found alcohol in his room more than once and say it stinks of weed sometimes. he skips his meetings, refuses to cook or clean, just sits in bed all day on his phone.
worse is some nights he don’t even go back there. i’ll get messages at 3am saying he’s at a mates, or he’ll disappear for two days then roll back in. staff told me they’re not a hotel, he has to follow rules or he’s out. he’s already smashed a door there when they told him off, and they said he’s now on final warning.
part of me feels guilty cos maybe i let him get away with too much when he was younger. i did sometimes give him money even when i knew it would go on weed just to keep the peace. i let him stay out all night cos if i tried to stop him he’d just kick off and i couldn’t face another row. so maybe i made it worse. but at the same time i’ve begged him to behave, begged him to think about his future, and he just laughs in my face.
our relationship now is awful. when he wants something he calls me, when i say no he sends nasty messages. he turned up on my doorstep screaming last month cos i refused to transfer him £20. my younger ones were hiding in their room crying. i didn’t let him in but i sat on the sofa shaking for hours after. i feel like he hates me most of the time.
i’m terrified cos i no if he gets thrown out he’ll come here expecting me to take him in, but i can’t. it nearly broke me last time, i was on antidepressants and i couldn’t keep my younger DC safe. but i can already hear people saying “he’s only just turned 18, how can you let your son be homeless?” and i don’t no how i’ll live with myself if he ends up sofa surfing or worse.
AIBU to say he can’t come back here if he gets kicked out? i feel like the worst mum in the world but i carnt go back to that life, my younger DC need peace and safety.