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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if I should get revenge anonymously?

84 replies

ClatterHatters · 30/08/2025 12:09

I posted on this site some months ago about some awful bullying that happened to me in secondary school. I’m glad I did because everyone was so supportive. 😊

One poster suggested I somehow get revenge on them anonymously. This is something I myself had thought about before I even posted on MN so this poster was hardly making a brand new suggestion to me as such.

However, whenever I’ve thought about getting revenge - in this day and age with everything so traceable etc - even an online anonymous message can to some extent be traceable - and CCTV everywhere etc. To be honest I’d have the hassle of constant worry that I was going to be caught if I instigated a vengeful act.

Also if I’m being honest - if I ever got found out it could look like I didn’t have a happy or successful life now if I was trying to get my own back with regard to a traumatic incident that happened to me decades ago.

AIBU to ask what others think ?

OP posts:
Original poster
ClatterHatters · 30/08/2025 14:34

JLou08 · 30/08/2025 14:25

Happy people don't go seeking revenge. People seeking revenge, especially so far on from the incident, will not come across well to others and I doubt they would actually feel any better themselves.
Work on yourself and moving past this. The majority of us have experienced poor treatment from others but we move on and live a full and happy life.

thank you and I agree

OP posts:
JLou08 · 30/08/2025 14:25

Happy people don't go seeking revenge. People seeking revenge, especially so far on from the incident, will not come across well to others and I doubt they would actually feel any better themselves.
Work on yourself and moving past this. The majority of us have experienced poor treatment from others but we move on and live a full and happy life.

Original poster
ClatterHatters · 30/08/2025 14:01

Cherrysoup · 30/08/2025 13:57

I think that risks the bullies bullying you more if you give them an avenue of communication, or they may tell you to fuck off or say ‘So what, don’t care’.

What is it they say? Living well is the best revenge. Look good, feel good, move on from the awful time in your life. Clear their horribleness from your life.

Show quote history

Yes I totally agree with everything you say here

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 30/08/2025 13:57

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 30/08/2025 12:12

I can see why you'd want to get revenge, but I believe that you'd feel guilty if you did.

I'd leave it. But have you considered contacting your bullies and telling them what their actions did to you? So not revenge, but a discussion.

I think that risks the bullies bullying you more if you give them an avenue of communication, or they may tell you to fuck off or say ‘So what, don’t care’.

What is it they say? Living well is the best revenge. Look good, feel good, move on from the awful time in your life. Clear their horribleness from your life.

AlertEagle · 30/08/2025 13:32

I think you will benefit from professional help. Yes what they did was horrible but you have to move on and mumsnet isnt the place that can heal you

SparklyGlitterballs · 30/08/2025 12:41

The best thing you can do is evict them from your thoughts. Don't let them live rent free in your head. To seek revenge is to lower yourself to their level, and you're better than that OP.

Original poster
ClatterHatters · 30/08/2025 12:40

Childanddogmama · 30/08/2025 12:33

The previous poster (in your last post) gave you terrible advice.

Edited

Even though I’d previously had this thought myself - I agree

OP posts:
Goonie1 · 30/08/2025 12:39

Don’t stoop to their levels.
If it is playing on your mind and you do seek some closure, maybe a discussion with them or a letter from the heart to explain your feelings around this and the effect it’s had?

Original poster
ClatterHatters · 30/08/2025 12:39

lifeonthelane · 30/08/2025 12:31

I really recommend you read or listen to this book, OP:
https://amzn.eu/d/fWWz5aT
I'm sorry you had such a terrible time with the bullying and that it's still affecting you 💐 I found this really good for a change of mindset and felt much happier for it.

Ag thanks for the link ❤️

OP posts:
BigBirdOfPrey · 30/08/2025 12:38

Surely, that would make you just as bad.

blueclip · 30/08/2025 12:36

I understand your feelings op, but it’s definitely best left alone.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 30/08/2025 12:34

Owly11 · 30/08/2025 12:31

The fact that you want revenge is taking up a lot of your time and energy. You need to find a better way to release your anger. Have you tried smashing a few old plates? It’s remarkably therapeutic! Then move on and focus on your own life.

Actually, that's true.

You can never smash up too many plates.
The one time I did it, I felt amazing afterwards.

Childanddogmama · 30/08/2025 12:33

The previous poster (in your last post) gave you terrible advice.

dodobedo · 30/08/2025 12:32

ClatterHatters · 30/08/2025 12:14

Starting a new diet and exercise plan and starting to clear out my house

Show quote history

That sounds like dull and routine chores rather than something nice planned for the week-end.

Why don't you forget about your bully and focus on your current friends, the ones who have been there for you. Message them and make plans for a night out tonight or even coffee tomorrow morning.

Owly11 · 30/08/2025 12:31

The fact that you want revenge is taking up a lot of your time and energy. You need to find a better way to release your anger. Have you tried smashing a few old plates? It’s remarkably therapeutic! Then move on and focus on your own life.

Hoppinggreen · 30/08/2025 12:31

OnGoldenPond · 30/08/2025 12:23

I wouldn’t go down this road. It won’t make you feel good and will make you focus too much on the past. Your weekend plans sound like a really positive way of making you feel in a good place. If you find that the past still plays on your mind, talking it through with a therapist would be a much more positive way of dealing with it.

Good luck, OP, hope you have a peaceful and restorative weekend Flowers

When I have managed to get revenge it has made me feel MUCH better than any therapy could but I appreciate not everyone is the same

lifeonthelane · 30/08/2025 12:31

I really recommend you read or listen to this book, OP:
https://amzn.eu/d/fWWz5aT
I'm sorry you had such a terrible time with the bullying and that it's still affecting you 💐 I found this really good for a change of mindset and felt much happier for it.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 30/08/2025 12:29

@ClatterHatters I completely cut my two bullies out of my life. They were family members and I blocked them.

I no longer think about them. One had a huge bereavement eighteen months ago, and I didn't contact her. I think she thought I'd be in touch, but why would I? She'd caused me appalling suffering for several years.

And now, I never think about my bullies. I have a very happy and full life.

Original poster
ClatterHatters · 30/08/2025 12:27

Newgirls · 30/08/2025 12:25

No as it would become bigger in your own head and give it yet more space

i would however tell anyone who knows them now how awful they were - is that revenge? Perhaps

Yes I do think it would give these thoughts more space

OP posts:
Original poster
ClatterHatters · 30/08/2025 12:26

OnGoldenPond · 30/08/2025 12:23

I wouldn’t go down this road. It won’t make you feel good and will make you focus too much on the past. Your weekend plans sound like a really positive way of making you feel in a good place. If you find that the past still plays on your mind, talking it through with a therapist would be a much more positive way of dealing with it.

Good luck, OP, hope you have a peaceful and restorative weekend Flowers

Thank you ❤️

OP posts:
Newgirls · 30/08/2025 12:25

No as it would become bigger in your own head and give it yet more space

i would however tell anyone who knows them now how awful they were - is that revenge? Perhaps

OnGoldenPond · 30/08/2025 12:23

I wouldn’t go down this road. It won’t make you feel good and will make you focus too much on the past. Your weekend plans sound like a really positive way of making you feel in a good place. If you find that the past still plays on your mind, talking it through with a therapist would be a much more positive way of dealing with it.

Good luck, OP, hope you have a peaceful and restorative weekend Flowers

Original poster
ClatterHatters · 30/08/2025 12:23

Needtosoundoffandbreathe · 30/08/2025 12:21

Completely agree with @missmollygreen

You sound as if you're not happy with things, which is leading you to dwell on a past cause of unhappiness. Let it go and move on with your life.

Yes there’s a lot of truth in this

OP posts:
Original poster
ClatterHatters · 30/08/2025 12:22

Hoppinggreen · 30/08/2025 12:21

I don't seek revenge as much as I would like to.
Not due to guilt as I know I wouldn't feel any but because of how it could impact me.

I feel the same

OP posts:
Needtosoundoffandbreathe · 30/08/2025 12:21

Completely agree with @missmollygreen

You sound as if you're not happy with things, which is leading you to dwell on a past cause of unhappiness. Let it go and move on with your life.