To not want to allow DH any freedom because he takes the piss with it?

I understood what you meant from your first post and you are not being unreasonable! My DP is a bit like this too, I'll try and take toddler out for a bit during one of his days off so he gets some downtime and then as I'm returning/ just before he announces he must go out and do the food shop and buggers off for another hour or two! It really annoys me (and there's never anything we urgently need)

He went for a haircut. Hardly a demanding task. Why couldn’t he go and have his hair cut in the 7 1/2 hours OP had the kids for?

Your original post was entirely clear to me, and I'd find that very annoying if my husband did that. It sounds like you've been really thoughtful carving out free time for him, does he do the same for you? Just stop doing it. Only take the 1 kid to the party who's invited etc. Divide and conker rather than doing it all yourself. (And when my husband gets his haircut he takes our son too to get his done at same time...).

I’d 100% expect these things to be done while I was out of the house and for him to take over the kids when I got back if I had them from 9:30-4 on a weekend day. 6.5 hours is plenty of time for jobs and relaxing. Basic common sense and adulthood tells you that. Totally with you OP.

Op worded it poorly.

but what is she is asking is, is it okay for my DH to sit in his backside all day whilst I have the children out of the house for 7 1/2 hours, and then as soon as I get back home, he decides he needs to go out and do some little jobs for himself, Leaving me to take care of the children and put the dinner on?

OP, I cannot see that you’ve answered as to what he does while you are out?

Both DH and I do this sometimes, but he (like I) will be doing some housework in peace then relaxing before the other comes back.

We both agree that we don’t get the house to ourselves very often, why should the one without the kids waste it by running outside chores?

Admittedly the one who was at home will often take one or both kids with them when they pop out - would this work for you?

Wow! Is there something wrong with you? Did that make you feel good? Implying the husband is cheating on her because she has the audacity to expect him to help out with his own kids and not fuck off and leave as soon as she gets home with them when he’s had the whole day to get his fucking hair cut.

l have no idea what’s going on on here today, is it a full moon or something?

For the hard of thinking, yes he’s entitled to get his hair cut but he’s had 8 hours in which to do it in. He has waited until the OP has walked in the door with tired hungry kids to go.

Yes it only takes one person to make dinner but he could have done it, he’s had all day. He could have made something that could be reheated and warmed it up as soon as she got home so she’s not trying to juggle cooking and sorting out kids.

Yes he can get his car valeted but why did he not do it when the OP has the kids out? Why does he not want to spend time with them when they get home? Why not take them to the park and let the OP put her feet up for a bit? Or take the kids with him? Nah he wants to spend the time on his own scrolling his phone in peace.

No it isn’t a red flag, anyone who has got that from what the OP has said is either hard of reading or as mad as a box of frogs. Or maybe just being bitchy for the sake of it.

To the poster who is trained to look out for signs of controlling behaviour, where did you get your training? TikTok? Hope you didn’t pay for it, if you did I would ask for your money back because you are spouting shit.

All the posters who are saying they would “run fast and far” “run for the hills” blah blah, well if her husband did she would at least not feel resentful for having to do all the parenting alone while he swans off getting hair cuts and his car washed. In fact, she would probably get some time to herself every other weekend which is more than she gets now by the sounds of it.

OP I’m sorry you have got such a hard time on here today, it is fucking nuts. Some people should feel utterly ashamed of themselves for the nasty way they have gone on to someone who is looking for support. They must obviously be the cool girls who don’t mind their husbands taking the piss. Fucking mugs.

If posters were to talk about what a man might "allow" his partner to do we would find it horrifying. This OP is talking about not allowing her partner freedom. It's all just plain weird....

Or sit at home for the whole 2 hours and when he returns go out to the gym and then get your hair cut and expect you dinner on the table when you return.

How about next time there's a birthday party you say, "Honey it's your turn to take Victor to a birthday party. The party is from 2 to 4 pm and it's for a kid named Connor. I've texted you the address. Here is Connor's birthday gift. I'm going to the grocery, see you at 4:30 pm. Love you byeeeeee!"

Then go to the grocery or wherever you want!

A tad dramatic.

Humans are not caged birds

I’m presuming this means that you think that the OP is the controlling one – like your DH?

Have you RTFT?

Language aside, OP is asking whether it is unreasonable for her to be upset that DH decides to sit on his backside all day while she is out with the kids - for nearly 8 hours - and then as soon as she gets back, decide he needs to go out and do his errands. Leaving her to watch the DC and make dinner.

OK. The OP uses phrases very much like my ex and posters who agree with her sound like his 'team'.

I, of course, saw it differently, as may some other posters. Either way, the best thing that happened was the end of the relationship - I wasn't being controlled, he had various people to tell him he was being abused and of course he was right that I should have done everything in the allocated timeslot.

Maybe that's what needs to happen with the OP.

I’m no clearer.

RTFT.

Depends upon the reader's POV, really - whether they see my ex's opinions as entirely justified or abusive/controlling.

I'm sure his ex girlfriend, sidepiece, workmates, etc, took his view on the matter, though.

Allow him? Give him?

He's an adult. Jeez, you sound a nightmare . 🤷‍♀️

Totally understand OP. Our solution was to split the weekend. I have kids Saturday, he has them Sunday. I invite him to whatever family things I plan for the kids on my day. He can decline if he wants, but most times he joins in and vice versa. Also helps that the things I plan suit me and the kids and I don’t have to compromise with something he wouldn’t like. Even if we don’t have any plans, that parent is responsible for every meal and issue that occurs. Obviously I don’t ignore my kids when it’s my day off, and actually I have more fun with them when I know I’m not prepping dinner, etc that day. This works for us as we both have full time jobs.

No it's not - he's taking the piss.

No she's not, she's just pissed off that having had plenty of child free time while she takes the kids out, he then demands more to do things he could have done solo while she already had the kids on her own.

He's NOT though, that's the problem.

Good luck with that – I think you are gonna get even more annoyed 😄

The replies are ridiculous!

& no hairdressers/barbers would thank you fir taking 2 kids, but no reason he can't take them to get the car cleaned.

Don't be ridiculous

he's getting plenty of non parenting time to do things he can't do with the kids, but he's not doing them & then expecting the OP to do more solo parenting so he can piss off on his own to do them. Where's her child free time??

@letsmakebiscuits

your title is doing you NO FAVOURS - you should have asked if it was reasonable fir your DH to have excessive child free time while you have none.

ps the posters comment annoyed me so much that I have committed the sin of not reading the whole thread before replying! I will now