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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to allow DH any freedom because he takes the piss with it?

342 replies

letsmakebiscuits · 30/08/2025 12:03

Title probably sounds a bit more provocative than intended. But hear me out.

So we have two young kids - age one and four. Obviously they are a lot of work.

Whenever I have them solo DH uses the time to do things he’s obviously wanted to do for a while; fine. Except then he just takes the piss with it. So for example - a couple of weeks ago I took the children to a birthday party in the morning and then another mum suggested we go to soft play. It wasn’t very local so DH was alone from half nine in the morning to four in the afternoon. He still wanted to get his hair cut. Or I’ll take them to the park for a few hours to let DH do something but then he’s wanting to get the car valeted or something.

It gets on my nerves. I think he should use the (ample) time I give him for these tasks. AIBU?

OP posts:
WallaceinAnderland · 30/08/2025 12:12

It's not in the OP but thanks for the clarification.

What is he doing whilst you are out if he's not getting jobs done?

Weekmindedfool · 30/08/2025 12:11

I think your post is confusingly written. What you are saying is he waits for you to return with the kids and then he decides it’s time to get his hair cut or whatever, when he could have done this during the time you are out?

In which case yes you may have a point.

Original poster
letsmakebiscuits · 30/08/2025 12:11

That he isn’t. It’s in the OP. He doesn’t do them when we’re out, he does them or wants to do them when we come back.

It is as if once we’re gone he thinks his time is just his if you see what I mean and that he can come and go as he pleases. The annoying thing is that if I don’t take the children out alone he’s fine.

OP posts:
PsychoHotSauce · 30/08/2025 12:10

It's your OP that isn't that clear. Do you mean he faffs about for 8 hours all to himself, but then as soon as you're back he 'suddenly' remembers an urgent job so he can disappear for even longer?

StressedOot3 · 30/08/2025 12:10

So what does he actually do in the time you are out the house?

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 30/08/2025 12:10

WallaceinAnderland · 30/08/2025 12:08

He's getting necessary jobs done whilst the kids are out of the way. What's the problem?

I think it's that he's leaving to do the necessary jobs after OP gets back. In the kid-free time, he's relaxing.

leafinthewind · 30/08/2025 12:09

WallaceinAnderland · 30/08/2025 12:08

He's getting necessary jobs done whilst the kids are out of the way. What's the problem?

I think the point is that he isn't!

WallaceinAnderland · 30/08/2025 12:08

He's getting necessary jobs done whilst the kids are out of the way. What's the problem?

Original poster
letsmakebiscuits · 30/08/2025 12:07

No. Why would it be a reverse <baffled> - is it really unreasonable to say if you want to get a haircut do it in the eight hours I was out of the house with the kids rather than disappearing as soon as we come back? That’s controlling and narcissistic? 😂

OP posts:
Fidgety31 · 30/08/2025 12:07

You sound quite controlling . You ‘allow’ or ‘give him time’ to do things.

yeah not suprised he disappears all day tbh . Think I would too !

Auroraloves · 30/08/2025 12:07

Does he take the children solo and allow you free time?

Weekmindedfool · 30/08/2025 12:07

Wtf?

TheCurious0range · 30/08/2025 12:07

Getting the car cleaned isn't something nice for him, and a hair cut is basic grooming.
Why do you take the children out without him when he is free?

PollyBell · 30/08/2025 12:06

Reverse?

nutbrownhare15 · 30/08/2025 12:06

It makes sense to be clearer about kid free time. If he has kids free time then you can agree that when you get home it's your time for kid free time (maybe get out the house if you can). Then if he wants to get his hair cut or sort the car that's fine, but he'll need to take the kids.

Original poster
letsmakebiscuits · 30/08/2025 12:05

😂

OP posts:
Dippythedino · 30/08/2025 12:05

You are displaying 💯% controlling, narcissistic behaviour.