To not want to allow DH any freedom because he takes the piss with it?

I said he should have done the gym during his down time, not during my down time.

that makes sense, and yes, of course in that context the partner is unreasonable.

The OP is very badly worded, it's nothing to do with "allowing freedom" but refusing to parent when it's his turn and finding excuses for it.

I would too.

Ideally in a fair and equal partnership you should both get equal down time. Is it worth looking at that across the week?

Men can be much quicker to pick jobs that involve going out (eg going for groceries) over tasks like childcare or cleaning. And it’s not unusual when childcare becomes an invisible, acknowledged labour.

What’s the bigger picture in your time and labour division op? I’m wondering if you might be focusing on specific details because you’re not articulating the systemic problem?

I get what you’re saying. Assuming you want to spend time together when you’re home? But I’m not understanding why you’d go to soft play with another mum when he’s at home?
maybe better communication is in order? Tell him what time you’ll be home and then discuss plans for after that time?

I agree with you. If he's got 8/9 hours to himself then he should be getting the car washed/haircut/gym and whatever else he wants done, in that time not when you arrive home with the kids. What does he do for that length of time if he still needs more time to himself.

Batshit. She’s asking to be treated with basic respect and to have a bit of support with parenting from the children’s father once she is home from hours of solo parenting rather than him fuck off immediately to do something he could have done with the 9 hours child free time he just had, but he was no doubt too busy relaxing safe in the knowledge he can continue to outsource the parenting to his wife, and people will call her abusive if she dares to complain

OP YANBU.

Exactly!

That's the big problem.

The OP does most of the childcare and the husband does very little.

He's being unfair and selfish. He needs to realise that he has responsibilities for caring for his children, and giving his wife a break.

This makes the same point as the OP does but it's much clearer.

How much kid free time are you getting OP? You need as a couple to sit and look at how family time and adult only time is balanced.

OP your posts (especially the opening one) are really unclear.

You're sounding like a controlling nut job to some people as a result.

Whereas in fact, you have a very good point.

Your husband isn't pulling his weight with the children, and is leaving everything up to you. I'd be furious if mine did that.

To be fair, your first post isn’t very clear, it read like you were pissed off that he got his hair cut or the car valeted whilst you are out with dc.
Since he is not doing that, he’s waiting to do things until you come back, then YANBU.
Talk to him. “Dave, have you got anything you need to do today. Oh you want to get your haircut. Fine but could you do it whilst I am out with the DC, because I’ve got them all day and I could do with a hand when I get back”.

Have you spoken to him about his piss taking tendencies? @letsmakebiscuits

I completely get you OP. My husband is the same. I took 3 children out the house an entire day 10 hours. I did breakfast til bedtime with all 3. My husband had the day off work so he just slept and scrolled all day. The next day he was off work again and said he would help with the kids but then magically couldn’t as he needed to go to the gym, get his hair cut, go to B&Q, pop to the post office etc etc. he wanted another day off doing any parenting whatsoever. I told him it wasn’t fair for him to go the gym when he’d had an entire day to do his own thing and chosen to do sweet FA.

I said he should have done the gym during his down time, not during my down time.
He seems to be slowly getting the message the more I repeat it

Do you not discuss arrangements with him?

Ah, I see.

Yes, he's taking the piss.

I don't think you're being controlling. Your husband should be around to take over with the children when you get back.

You deserve some time off as well, and I bet you get a lot less of it than he does.

Yep

I understand what you’re saying OP.
I guess it depends on what tasks he’s working on during the time you and the children are already out. Are they benefitting just him or are they for the family? Im assuming that, as you’re frustrated by it all, that he’s enjoying his child free time on his own leisure and then needing more time to do necessary (haircut) or family (car valet) stuff. This might be fine if you also get some leisure time and he also can manage to take children out on his own (without needing you to pack the bag, book the tickets, get them dressed first).

This

bkimey, you’re trying to police what he does in his own time and dictate that he uses it on things you deem acceptable.

totally out of order

I'm not sure it's being read correctly, but it's not written well either.

I think the OP takes the DC out for the day and as most of us would thinks during the time she and the DC are out her DH could use that time to what he needs to do then instead of going, out to get his hair cut once she and the DC are back home.

Yes, it's annoying. It's implicit to me that if one parent takes the kids out to give the other a break, the other parent takes over with the kids once they're back. Not fucks off on errands solo. But my dh does it too, so I've started doing it too now. He's taken them out this morning to soft play, I have cleaning and laundry to do but I've just lazed and had a bath and I'll do my cleaning later.

So he's lazy. All day to himself, he could have cleaned the car himself in a fraction of that time. I mean you can't disallow another adult anything but you can choose what you're willing to tolerate in a partner.

If what you are actually saying is he gets lots of alone time and much wants more and you don’t I can see where you are coming from…