Should I be upset or was I thoughtless?

You put your foot in it but it was a genuine mistake and you were trying to do something nice. I would just let it go and chalk it up to experience - and never buy anyone a retirement card unless they specifically use the word retirement themselves!

I would not want anything to do with her again, or anyone who supported her. How dare she be sensitive - it was obviously meant as a nice gesture, whether or not the wording of 'retirement' was erroneous, and her behaviour totally killed an otherwise nice atmosphere. And I would make sure they know that.

You did a kind gesture.
As they say: no good deed goes unpunished".
It seems she'd retired from her job to study.
Sadly you are in a group with some nutters who at most should simply have thanked you and moved on.

I think the card was a mistake and you were silly to give it. But then saying i will give it to you when you get a bus pass instead of apologising is just mean.

YABU but i call reverse on this

I would say yes to both the questions in your title. Yes, you were thoughtless, yes having it pointed out is bound to upset you.

I would just try to move on from it now. Apologise if you haven't already. You're clearly not some unpleasant dickhead crashing through life upsetting people deliberately. You fucked up. We all do that sometimes. The fact she went out of her way to be nice to you after shows she values you and realises it was a mistake rather than malice.

God there’s some ageism on this thread.

If a woman in her 30s retrained/ did a PHD with the firm intention of going back to work afterwards, would anyone buy her a retirement card? No they would not. This woman had made it clear she was studying and then going back to work. She’s not retiring in any way, shape or form. It’s not touchy to be a bit pissed off.

It’s like buying someone in their 30s a “congratulations on your pregnancy” card because they have a partner, have put on a bit of weight and, well lots of women in their 30s have babies…

It’s just reinforcing a lazy stereotype they all women over 60 are no use in the labour market and should be grateful to retire and spend the day watching TV and visiting garden centres. Whereas in fact lots of women over 60 either do amazing things in their careers or retrain. And most of us will still be working at that age, the way the economy is going…

(OP not trying to make you feel worse, as you do sound sorry, but just trying to explain why she might have been a bit miffed. Plus the reference to a restructure makes me think she may have been made redundant or edged out as well which probably made it worse for her).

66 is not old woman territory.

She’s been ridiculous. You tried to do a nice thing. X

Is this a reverse then? If she’s specifically said she’s not retiring, and you even said in your OP she left her job, then you obviously know she wasn’t retiring and a retirement card was inappropriate.

Agree and actually have seen this a lot at work - people are not ‘retiring’ they may do some consultancy etc etc - didn’t realise prior it was a touchy subject but it is and I guess it may just be a reminder of our finite time here. You didn’t do anything terrible just chalk it up to experience

I think she massively over reacted. She's 66 and is offended at a retirement card. Honestly, I think her reaction was petty and unnecessary.

Do you buy people Christmas cards for their birthday?

She wasn’t retiring. She was leaving to
pursue something different. I’d have laughed it
off if I were her but it’s still odd you chose that card rather than a ‘good luck’ or something card.

In all honesty, retired these days carries connotations of being privileged. I'm thinking through all my family, friends and acquaintances and those who are retired are having a lovely time pursuing hobbies, study and voluntary work for causes they believe in. Others of a similar age are continuing to work in low paid jobs they'd rather not be doing.

I think the most balanced interpretation is that you made an honest mistake, and like the decent person you clearly are, feel bad. Plenty wouldn't! I can see why the lady would be a bit put out, but she quickly saw it wasn't meant horribly and tried to put you at ease for that very reason. It's Saturday (and despite the weather - if you're based in the UK!) I'd suggest giving yourself a break and enjoying the weekend. I'm sure she isn't worrying about it now.

I think some people love to jump to being offended

I started a new career at 66. Some people don’t really plan to retire. It was ageist and also rude as it was an occasion to celebrate hobby friend’s new opportunities (the course) and new vistas not to treat her like she is out to pasture.

But after every rupture a repair. Just work a little harder to not treat 66 year olds like dome strange life form.

I'm older than her and it seems she's being super sensitive. I wouldn't give it another thought.

If you made it very clear you were going on holiday to Italy and I mistakenly wished you a happy holiday in Portugal, would you feel insulted?

Thats not a meaningful comparison though. Whether you are going to Spain or Portugal makes no difference to the way people perceive you.

A retired person carries certain connotations which this woman obviously doesn’t like and she’s gone out if her way to be clear she wants a new career. She doesn’t want to see herself as a retired person and has signalled that to her friends.

To be clear, I think she has been over sensitive about it, and its not a big deal but I think the OP failed to read the room a little bit.

This.

Well in that case I think it was pretty rude to ignore previous comments and still get a retirement card. Sounds like it might not have been entirely her choice to leave her job.

Let's not forget being offended about others being offended!

If you made it clear you'd been eating lots recently, and I congratulated you on being pregnant, would you be insulted?

You made a mistake to which she responded very graciously by the sounds of it. Id probably send a quick 'Sorry again for my card blunder, I appreciated how gracious you were about it. I know you'll do brilliantly on your course and beyond'

I do think it was strange th as t you took back the card and carried on digging a hole with the bus pass comment!

Some people are "in the business of being offended" by the slightest faux pas. I would just forget about it.

I "retired" from employed work at 60 then went on to become self employed. Im still SE at 81!

If you made it very clear you were going on holiday to Italy and I mistakenly wished you a happy holiday in Portugal, would you feel insulted?