Should I be upset or was I thoughtless?

Nasty or realistic?

I’m in my 60’s and very well aware of the lack of employment opportunities for women my age, thank you very much.

Anyone changing career at that point is either extremely well connected or extremely lucky. It’s very far from the norm for the vast majority of older women.

Yes, I have a degree and a PG from Oxbridge but no magic family connections. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Stupid, ageist, unpleasant response. I employed a woman as a business development manager when she was 65, during covid, she turned 66 later that year. She was brilliant at it and left at the age of almost 69 for a promotion into a public engagement role that she is still doing extremely well at. Later this year she will be 71 and has no plans to retire. You should be ashamed of yourself writing such a nasty post.

@ChopsyHatesFungus

She’s hardly going to be starting a new career after a PG course at her age. Who will employ her for starters?

Why?

Do you think everyone over the age of 65 should shuffle off into a semi comatose life in front of the TV?

Some people are more open minded than you, thankfully.

It's a standard definition @Dundonia . You can laugh as much as you like.

I could laugh at middle England not meaning the physical middle of England, or I could look for the actual meaning. Look it up instead of showing your ignorance.

I think that your friend is being a bit unreasonable and overly sensitive. Maybe she planned to stay in her current workplace past state retirement age and is annoyed to be shunted out due to reorganisation. She obviously feels she is not ready to retire.

Truth is it is much easier and may be financially beneficial for professionals in desk jobs to take pension and return as freelance. Some people who are financially secure may choose to spend money doing a postgrad in a subject they love. There are very few people of her age who do a postgrad to improve work prospects past normal retirement age. If you have the skills to work as a consultant you don’t need extra qualifications, it’s the current work experience at a senior level that counts. She will be out of the workforce and trying to return with enhanced qualifications past her normal state retirement age. This may not be realistic. Or is she doing a postgrad in a subject she wants to study for pleasure but will be returning to work after that for financial reasons and is happy to take whatever she can get?

Age discrimination for older workers is real. But I’m not even sure it’s classed as discrimination if an employer chooses not to employ someone past state retirement age?

I guess it would be a bit like saying ‘enjoy your holiday!’ To someone going on maternity leave?

I can understand that 70 year olds describing themselves as middle aged are kidding themselves on

@Dundonia , middle aged doesn't mean half way through your life. It's the middle bit when you are not young but not old.
Surely you can understand that?

lol at 70 being middle aged. It’s only middle aged if you’re living to 140

The silly woman was 66!

She’s hardly going to be starting a new career after a PG course at her age. Who will employ her for starters?

😂😂

I can’t stand over sensitive types that like to over analyse every little comment or gesture.

She was a dick for not just accepting the card graciously and I wouldn’t bother losing any headspace over it.

Fuck them!

Retiring ISN'T THE SAME as leaving a job and it's deliberately obtuse to pretend it is. How old are you? When you last changed jobs would you have found it completely normal to get a 'happy retirement' card despite being 30/40? 🙄

I retired early to spend time doing more study and I got several Happy Retirement cards. I took them in the spirit they were sent, i.e. people wishing me well, despite knowing I would probably go back to work sometime.
It's like your friends think it's insulting to say someone has retired. It was out of order for the other person to pipe up and try to make you feel worse when you mentioned the bus pass. I can't believe the things people get offended by!

Well she has retired from that job. She's too sensitive for her own good.

Doubling down with the bus pass comment as a little passe.

I swear I'm reading a different thread to posters like this and others who are accusing the friend of being 'a dick' 'ridiculous' 'over reacting' etc. (except I'm reading OP's actual words and they're replying to whatever alternative scenario they've made up in their head).

She didn't storm off, burst into tears, refuse to speak to OP, or even raise her voice. She made ONE comment politely pointing out that OP had ignored everything she'd repeatedly told her about her future plans, but said thank you anyway and was notably kind to her the rest of the night (because OP was clearly showing she was upset, i.e. if anything was the one who was overreacting!), even after OP doubled down on the ageism with the 'bus pass' comment - it was a different friend who replied to that.

'retired' doesn't have to mean sitting round the house watching daytime telly and baking cakes

Oh, doesn’t it?
< disappointed >

Well, would you find it a bit offensive if somebody gave you a 'happy 40th' card when you were only 36? That doesn't mean being 40 is 'inherently offensive' but if you AREN'T 40 then it's weird, and I would imagine most people would be upset if then told 'well it's close enough' 'you're in that age bracket' 'most people in your position/with kids the ages yours are ARE in their 40s' 'you will be 40 SOON anyway,' etc., which are basically the rationales people are giving on here - she could be retiring, she is the age other people retire, etc.

It's not accurate - ignore the postgrad studies part, OP was specifically aware that after completing them her friend would be continuing to work. Essentially she is just leaving for another job. I did exactly the same when I was 25 - left my job to do a masters. I would have found it really weird if I'd got a 'happy retirement' card!

It's ageist to assume just because she could retire she is, particularly when she's specifically told everyone she isn't! You don't get to decide how someone else classes themself, just because "you think" it's retirement.

She has a bit of a chip on her shoulder about her age but she clearly recognised she overreacted and realised you meant well. Draw a line under it and forget about it.

@Livpool , middle age is commonly used to denote the age range from 45 to 70 years.

If you had heard her say more than once, I’m not retiring, why did you get that card?

She more or less did say that, then the OP went in for the kill, to make it about age and mentioned her bus pass.
The OP should have said she was a MIL and got her DIL a retirement card, instead of a 'having a baby card', because sixty years ago many women were sacked or had to leave their job for a while, when they had a baby and we'd see what a easy mistake that is.
The woman could have fifteen years if effective working life left. Fighting against ageism is going to come to every poster on here. The whole 'karen' thing hasn't took root by accident.

66 isn’t middle aged though is it? I am 45 and middle aged

According to a lot of threads, isn’t it apparently gen z who are ‘too sensitive’ and ‘offended by everything’.

She sounds really sensitive about it but that’s her issue not yours.
You haven’t done it deliberately and it was an honest mistake.
Wouldn’t give it a second thought.