BiL response to gift (and now i want to punch him in his smug face)

That's exactly the same sort of message I'd get from my own BIL (are they twins?!)
Mine is big into the idea of "get me something you think I'd really like." Then the one year I thought I'd smashed it out of the park, he turned around and went "I don't want that."
He was IMMEDIATELY consigned to the outer darkness. I never gave a gift to him an ounce of thought from that day onwards. He'll get a couple of boxes of his favourite chocolate, and that's it. It was incredibly freeing.

As for your own personal BIL knobhead, I'd also go with a very simple "you're welcome". Or my own favourite, a single thumbs up emoji.

Just send him a thumbs up 👍 🤣

How is he controlling from the op? Or is this the standard response anytime a man is mentioned

Sounds like you and your aged parent are lucky that BIL and your sister are able (willing) to drop everything. He doesn't sound like a twat at all to me.

The person who said rate him on his behaviour and take the batteries out of the remote control so he can't push your buttons, is sensible.

I think the less communication with him the better. Communicate with your sister.

For the joint family responsibility for the aging parent. That should be an open discussion between all siblings, all are equally responsible. If you can't be there physically, maybe arrange home help or meals on wheels or a nursing home.

He sounds like a controlling, misogynistic, rude, arsehole.

I wouldn’t be sending him anything in future. I’d also see him as little as possible. I hope your sister sees sense and ditches him soon.

"So glad you enjoyed it - you seemed to like it so much last year we thought you would appreciate it!!!!"

I like it! Ironically, you'd have to have a certain closeness and understanding with somebody to be brave enough to send it to them and for them to appreciate it as a funny joke. Otherwise, it really does just like you actually think that they're an actual knob

I've seen a few designs where the joke is that you're clearly leading them to expect money inside the card, but the 'joke' is that you forgot/you're skint/you don't think they're worth it/'oops, it must have fallen out'. I can well imagine those ones going down very badly indeed if you misjudge it and give them to the wrong person!

Just take it at face value and reply, ‘You’re welcome. Enjoy!’ That’ll piss him off more 😁

Next year send him just a moonpig card, with the message: “No gift this year, too much on my plate”.

He sounds like a total dick.

To be honest, he's only making himself look completely pathetic - as well as passive aggressive.

If he was 4, it would make perfect sense that HIS birthday was the most important, exciting, all-consuming thing on his mind.

But for a grown adult to even be expecting and counting on somebody in his extended family to make his birthday super happy and special, rather than just appreciating a token gesture in acknowledgement... that's not how most mature grown-ups behave.

Well, next year’s present will be simple.

Send him nothing but a message saying “Sorry BIL. Too much on my plate to bother with a birthday offering 🤷🏻‍♀️”

I bought a card a while ago with my SIL in mind - haven't yet had the courage to send it but I smile every time I see it ...it says...
Somewhere...right now...someone is thinking about how fantastic you are. It's not me. I think you are a knob!

Hopefully he does the same thing to OP'S ill relative.

Oh, just tell him to fuck off, the next time he moans. And if he moans about that, tell him to fuck off again. In fact, keep telling him that until he gets the message.

It comes across like Dsis and BIL are being weighted down, OP is too busy to help. I can understand his passive aggressive response, better than saying your time is worth more than your cash.
Everyone's busy.
I have been in the situation with the busy sibling. I was busy too but the help was needed and someone had to do it.
The same siblings will be there for their financial inheritance, if there is any.
I have two DC with disabilities.
I would just tell you to piss off.
You are disregarding their situation too.

Yes I think he's being a twat but why not take the wind out of his sales by totally ignoring the dig and using it to reinforce your POV 'thanks for your understanding. I'm barely coping at present but wanted to get you something you like'

Exactly this. His message reeks of pomposity. Offering indeed. Prick.

Gotta love a passive aggressive thumbs up. Also, stop buying presents out of duty for someone you clearly don't like. You know he's an idiot and yet you get mad at his predictably goading "thank you". Just heart his comment. That's a low level acknowledgement and he won't get the reaction he craves.

I think the posters saying to say “you’re welcome” are right. And add a smile face or a “hope you enjoy them!”

he sent a message to be sarky, we all know this but he kept it on the side of reasonable doubt so you can look unhinged if you call him out on it. Sending a message that implies you haven’t understood his sarkiness may annoy him and therefore is the best option.

Reply faux-naively,

"Yes, I do. So glad you liked the beer!!"

I don’t get my brother in law anything for his birthday, we’re not that close.
Just don’t bother next year.

Nailed it!!!!!! On repeat.

I've had moonpig cards before. It's never occured to me that the sender is lazy. It's a tool to help them stay organised and some of the personalised ones are very thoughtful and take a bit longer to make. We've had a couple of moonpig add on gifts, too. I've never seen it as anything but generosity.

In your situation OP I'd just reply "Yes! So very busy here! Glad you liked it - enjoy your day 😊". Just stay serene.