My partner and i have been together nearly 4 years now and i have a 12 year old son with ASD from a previous relationship.
I was single for 8 years before meeting my current partner. Life was very hard, i was and still am a below average wage earner and had no qualifications. Once my son received his diagnosis, his future became a great source of anxiety for me, he is unlikely to work when he gets older and my life became about trying to provide a better future. I put myself through college to gain a qualification and worked 2 jobs from 7am -11pm and managed to go from over 5k in debt to 15k saved. I attempted to get on the housing market but it fell through due to some structual issues with the house.
I then met my current partner and after a year together we bought a property together. Since then, ive been unable to save any money. My partner always wants to go out on weekends away, day trips, expensive holidays, Italy, Marrakech, trip around Europe. We have sat down and i have had honest discussions with her about how i cant afford to do these things and im living in a constant cycle of debt and anxiety due to not providing a safety net for my son should anything happen to me.
Earlier this year, we wrote down the things we both needed. I wrote, no holidays and to get my credit card paid off. She agreed to this. Then two months later, she said lets just have a 4 day break to Albania, its cheap, i have free flights, so i reluctantly agreed. She then chamged this to Madrid, booked an expensive hotel, an expensive hotel at the airport and we ate out every day/night and it quickly became a £700 each short break. In addition we had a conversation about Wills. She wants me to put in a will that i wont give my son my share of the house in case of my death as she doesnt want to sell the house.
At this point, if i did this, i have nothing to leave him, so im in a worse position then 4 years ago. Its severely impacted my mental health for 3 years (i was referred to mental health services last year for stress, anxiety and depression with suicidal thoughts)
i love her dearly, but no matter how many times we have an honest conversation about money, it doesnt seem to have any effect. Shes a spender and im a worrier and i just dont know if this is a good combination. Its driven a wedge between us and Im thinking of leaving.
Can this be worked through or is time to go.