To send DD to year 7 in Mary Janes

Completely fine. Hope she feels comfortable and herself in them and that she settles well in year 7.

It baffles me why they don’t. Most people can wear trainers in the office these days. Plus we surely want kids to be able to run and it’s much better for girls, as so many of the styles are impractical, Dd1 I’ve had the annual conversation refusing to buy ballet flats for years otoh. Interestingly this year she’s going into 6th form, already had shoes asked again and I told her she could buy some herself (she has plenty of money from her job). She hadn’t bothered yet.

What are you talking about? The post by @ItsHellOrHighwater was kind, helpful and relevant to what the OP asked. Most of us will have gone through similar with our children, lots of children want to fit in or at least not stand out. Having an understanding of that is not in some way supporting bullying.

Mine wears the same ones

They take trainers / footballl boots in their PE kit bag

It’s a nightmare OP. As others have said, what is ‘in’ at one school, isn’t in another. My daughter has just left but she wore brogues for 5 years. Some of her friends had DMs. I would try to ask parents with girls already at the school if your daughter really wants to fit in.

Not allowed them at our school.

the shoes look fine

If she loves them,.then of course that's fine.
The key is to take your guide from her.

My son has worn Skechers throughout, including velcro ones in year 7. He said he was teased a bit but didn't care and still made plenty of friends. Now he is just accepted for who he is. He has a huge group of friends and has really enjoyed secondary

The key to me is to follow your child's lead. DD was very sure she wanted the Nike ones that "everyone" gets so I have got her them. Shes actually normal someone who doesn't follow the crowd but I expect this is part of her way of easing her new school nerves.

I have a daughter the same age, just turned 11 and off to high school.
It feels like such a minefield doesn't it! Things that didn't matter before you are suddenly thinking will they get picked on for this.
Our school has changed the uniform rules for this year and are allowing all black trainers so we've gone for the Nike air forces, she wouldn't even try anything else on! 🤦🏼‍♀️

I like the shoes your daughter has chosen, if school don't allow the trainers then I'm sure lots of girls will be wearing similar to that?
Good luck to your daughter starting high school!

Could I ask the parents whose children wear trainers for school. (Hope this doesn’t derail the thread but I’m sure it’s relevant)

Do they have another pair for PE or do they just wear the same ones for both everyday and pe?

Yep, nothing wrong with your post or attitude!

Where all these shoes allowing Nike AF1 as school shoes?

So envious.

Wish our school would allow but it's considered a trainer.

Thank you. 😊

Oh dear, you really are lacking in comprehension skills. Poor you.

Anyway, I won’t derail the thread for a wind up merchant.

Totally school and area dependent - here (south wales) everyone wears black Nike trainers from what I have seen, mostly AF1 but also the borough ones. Skirts also ridiculously short but luckily my daughter is happy in skinny trousers. Shirts seem to be untucked at some point during the walk to school (I still walk my youngest to primary so go past lots of high school kids and they exit homes looking reasonable but by the first street corner have rearranged outfits to reduce skirts, untuck shirts and shove unfashionable rain jackets in the bags).

Can you chat to any mum-friends from primary with kids going to the same school or is it not like that in your area? Here, out of 60 kids 58 went up to same high school so we keep in touch.

And that's because the question was around social acceptance. Which is indeed school / tribe dependent. Whether you agree with it or not - is not the point.

I have children currently at 3 different secondary schools. The social dress code is different at all three.

Edited: for avoidance of doubt, the social dress code by default should also cover the criteria of child comfort (IE don't buy shoes that don't fit) and meeting school rules (some ban DMs, some AF1 etc)

hi @JulyBlue - I feel your pain on the school shoe choosing!
Adidas black leather courtblock types were really popular; Nike air force 1 in black and ones like Nike triple black court vision .
it sounds risky in your school though as they’ve specifically said no to sports shoes.
I think it’s a shame as they’re comfy and much better in the winter when it’s raining.
I also think they look very smart.

The Mary Janes you’ve chosen look great though x

I'd say this is school dependent.

For them to tick all 3 boxes of 1) compliance with school rules 2) child physical comfort 3) socially acceptable.,... You'll need to ask a kid at the school she is going to. You have covered the first 2.

Same with socks, backpacks and winter coats.

Someone's got their knickers in a twist 😄

You absolutely support it by listing brands that aren't accepted at certain schools and telling her what's a safe bet.

If you didn't support this stuff, you would have replied, let your daughter wear whatever shoes she likes. But you didn't.

Sorry - my reply sounds awful on rereading! What I should have said was that Mary Janes are great and all the year 7s were pretty much wearing them at my DDs school.
it’s just no one realised that a blind eye was turned to black leather trainers so I ended up buying those by November of year 7 x

its the coats and bags that are a fashion juggling act in my dds school...ugh but thats another story!