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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think my friend is ungenerous in only buying herself a concert ticket?

159 replies

LoisLaneKent · 29/08/2025 22:17

My long term friend lives in the opposite end of the country and comes to stay once a year. Likewise I stay with her once a year.

Over the years one of our main shared hobbies has been going to gigs together. Last year she booked a gig in my city and asked to stay with me. I said yes but felt a little irked she didn’t either get me a ticket or invite me too. But I left it.

This year she said she wants to see a band in my city again. I suggested I may also want to go depending on finances (this year has been tough for me which she knows). She’s now told me she’s bought herself a ticket and asked to stay with me. AIBU to think this behaviour is a little ungenerous?

OP posts:
DiscoBob · 29/08/2025 22:59

It seems odd that she would arrange to stay at yours, tell you she was going to a gig and then go there alone. Does she like going to gigs alone? If I were you I'd just invite myself along. I wouldn't expect her to pay for my ticket though.

But if you feel it's too one sided tell her you've got someone else staying or you've acquired a lodger next time, so she can't stay.

Delphiniumandlupins · 29/08/2025 22:56

Maybe her finances are tight too? Seems odd you're waiting for her to invite you to a gig. When she says she wants to come and stay with you because she's got a ticket for x why don't you just reply "Sounds great. I'll get a ticket too"?

PullTheBricksDown · 29/08/2025 22:53

TheAmusedQuail · 29/08/2025 22:44

Just tell her that it isn't convenient for her to stay because of (invent plausible excuse - parents are staying, cousin is visiting, spare room being decorated etc) X.

Once she's forked out for a hotel for 5 to 7 days, she might rethink offering to buy you a ticket for £50 next time.

She's clearly only staying that long as it's free. There won't be any hotel payments for more than one night if OP's place is unavailable.

How does it work when she goes to these gigs, OP? Do you give her a key and she just comes back on her own at the end of the night?

pizzaHeart · 29/08/2025 22:51

TheAmusedQuail · 29/08/2025 22:44

Just tell her that it isn't convenient for her to stay because of (invent plausible excuse - parents are staying, cousin is visiting, spare room being decorated etc) X.

Once she's forked out for a hotel for 5 to 7 days, she might rethink offering to buy you a ticket for £50 next time.

This ^
Txt her asap that you are very sorry but she won’t be able to stay at yours this time because….
And then see what happens. Don’t tell her that it’s about the gig. Just have it your way this time and then see how it goes,
As you said to her that you wanted to go it’s super rude of her not to include you.

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 29/08/2025 22:48

If I were here, I’d spend the money I’d have shelled on accommodation on a ticket for you as a thank you. Not buy one ticket and expect free board. What a CF!

HonoriaBulstrode · 29/08/2025 22:48

Once she's forked out for a hotel for 5 to 7 days, she might rethink offering to buy you a ticket for £50 next time.

She'll probably also rethink inviting OP to stay with her again.

TheAmusedQuail · 29/08/2025 22:44

Just tell her that it isn't convenient for her to stay because of (invent plausible excuse - parents are staying, cousin is visiting, spare room being decorated etc) X.

Once she's forked out for a hotel for 5 to 7 days, she might rethink offering to buy you a ticket for £50 next time.

Nifty50something · 29/08/2025 22:43

My friend came and stayed with me one night a few months ago to see a band and bought me a £150 ticket so I could go also. I thought that was incredibly generous and I insisted on buying dinner for both of us. However your friend staying much longer and not buying you a £50 ticket is really taking advantage.

Tagyoureit · 29/08/2025 22:42

LoisLaneKent · 29/08/2025 22:38

So the bands are big names, this one is well known but a 90s rock band. Ticket is 50 quid.

Fuck me!! You dont have a friend, you have a freeloader!!!
£50??

Youve saved her £400 in accommodation at least, cheeky mare!!

Shut up shop!! No more free accommodation!!

Silverbirchleaf · 29/08/2025 22:41

FuzzyWolf · 29/08/2025 22:39

I think she should be giving you a £50 ticket as a thank you for letting you stay.

Show quote history

I agree.

Silverbirchleaf · 29/08/2025 22:40

If she’s staying at yours, then it’s polite to invite you to the gig as well.

FuzzyWolf · 29/08/2025 22:39

LoisLaneKent · 29/08/2025 22:38

So the bands are big names, this one is well known but a 90s rock band. Ticket is 50 quid.

I think she should be giving you a £50 ticket as a thank you for letting you stay.

Original poster
LoisLaneKent · 29/08/2025 22:38

So the bands are big names, this one is well known but a 90s rock band. Ticket is 50 quid.

OP posts:
Original poster
LoisLaneKent · 29/08/2025 22:37

Zodiacrobat · 29/08/2025 22:30

If she knows you’ve had a tough year, maybe she doesn’t want to put pressure on you to spend?

Maybe but I wonder what her excuse was last year when I had no worries!

OP posts:
Tagyoureit · 29/08/2025 22:35

Zodiacrobat · 29/08/2025 22:29

Is this gig an unknown band playing at a local
pub or a superstar playing Wembley?

The prices will be hugely different and make a difference to how would respond. I would never expect anyone to buy me a ticket in the hundreds £££ as many are these days.

And yes good point!

What type of "gigs" are these??

To me a gig is local, not really heard of bands. If you mean Oasis/Beyonce £400+ a ticket then well, why would anyone else pay that for you?

Tagyoureit · 29/08/2025 22:32

She's using you as a free hotel, why cant you see that?

Zodiacrobat · 29/08/2025 22:30

If she knows you’ve had a tough year, maybe she doesn’t want to put pressure on you to spend?

Zodiacrobat · 29/08/2025 22:29

Is this gig an unknown band playing at a local
pub or a superstar playing Wembley?

The prices will be hugely different and make a difference to how would respond. I would never expect anyone to buy me a ticket in the hundreds £££ as many are these days.

Original poster
LoisLaneKent · 29/08/2025 22:25

She can sometimes be socially awkward which I sometimes put it down to but we’re old friends who have gone to concerts together for years. So it IS weird.

OP posts:
Original poster
LoisLaneKent · 29/08/2025 22:23

the last time she came she didn’t even pay for a meal. but I’ve visited her this summer and she cooked for me and took me out. I also bought her dinner.

Its just this specific thing she keeps doing of coming to my city to see bands and not inviting me along or buying a ticket for me that drives me bananas. I love her to bits otherwise.

OP posts:
WickedElpheba · 29/08/2025 22:23

But then how do things work when you visit her?

TheFormidableMrsC · 29/08/2025 22:23

No she’s a cheeky fucker. She’s getting free accommodation, it’s the least she can do.

ChimneyPot · 29/08/2025 22:22

What do you buy for her when you stay with her?

WickedElpheba · 29/08/2025 22:22

I think she could potentially buy you a ticket if she's staying with you for a week but either way if you've said you might want to go and she's just said she's got herself a ticket but expects to stay anyway then that seems rude to me. I'd understand if she just didn't know but you've said you want to go and she's ignored you

SunshineAndFizz · 29/08/2025 22:22

It’s rude. The normal thing to do is invite host, each person pays for own ticket.

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