Currently in Turkey, met a guy…

She needs to speak to her husband about his attitudes. Perhaps she already has. My daughter would be horrified if her partner asked my DH "permission" for a decision she can make as an adult.

I said that my daughter would have ignored my husband if he had said no, not my son in law. I don’t know what he would have done in those circumstances, but I’m fairly sure they wouldn’t have got married as quickly as they did.

Well, “I thought this would never ever happen to me” before you even went out with him sounded off warning bells in many women. If you don’t describe things honestly and openly you can’t judge people for giving you the wrong advice.

It sounds like a good job to have for someone who lives between two countries. Are you financially dependent solely on his job?
You had one year long distance, and two pregnancies in the last two years while you both have different permanent residence/ citizenships.
You’re clearly in love - it’s a lovely feeling.

Good point

Exactly. It's a very regressive thing to do, why do women consider it charming and romantic to have their agency removed?
Not so long ago, a woman in this country couldn't get a mortgage on her own, she had to have a man's signature.

Totally agree.
It means he views women as property rather than independent individuals who are capable of making their own decisions.
Huge red flag imo.

This. Plus, if he would have gone ahead and married her anyway as you say, even if he had got a no, then it comes across as a manipulative and pointlessly performative gesture doesnt it?

There is literally no point in asking if you are going to ignore their wishes anyway. Makes a complete mockery of it 😂

She has a child already and one on the way, she's not mentioned circumcision, though. Maybe it's been done if the older one is a boy.

No, it's not more respect for older people. It's less respect for women.

Yes it's always the way!

Awareness of common cultural differences isn't racism. Its no different to warning a girl who's from a culture where men often aim to marry young that if she's dating in the UK many younger men won't usually be looking for marriage and will be dating around or looking for one night stands.

Good for you!!

The poster with the "big" family, Emma something, who never holidays with them was odd. Im 30 and go away with my parents (with my partner and baby) and my grandmas children still take her away on holidays, she's 75... How very sad that your family dont want to holiday with you.

go for dinner, have a lovely time, be careful and mindful. Don’t over think it.

Dear oh dear.

This thread really has shades of 'cancel the cheque'

Oh, you missed the part where OP revealed it was all but a dream!

Glad it has worked out for you @theoneortwo , however, I do think most people were concerned in how you framed your OP and how much 'disney princess love at first sight' it all sounded. You sounded naive.
I am older than you and from experience, most 'love at first sight' relationships don't last. They just don't, particularly when the fairy dust has settled and the hard slog of a relationship/ parenthood sets in.

Well that was all pretty pointless.

I'm so glad it worked out for you. 2 of my friends are in long distance relationships with Turkish men. One has been for years.

My ds is with a gf from another country. She has a British degree but can't get job here in her field. So she's going back home. It's very sad.

100%

So glad it worked out for you. You are obviously one of the 5%. I am sure you had hurdles to overcome as any different cultural relationship would. I am like you - although spend more time in Türkiye than the UK. And I adapt according to whichever country I am in. I would recommend you read Turkey with all the trimmings. Horrendous writing but really quite relatable to what you see in holiday resorts since time began. It’s a funny and eye opening read

@theoneortwo go for dinner, have a lovely time, be careful and mindful. Don’t over think it.

My niece is married to a Turk and lives in Turkey. She loves him and their son but it is a completely different way of life, women are treated very differently.

I'm glad it worked out for you!

But I didn't see any racist comments (although I haven't read every single one), only ones suggesting you learn about the culture differences.

You also changed your story from him asking for your parents permission, to "playfully" asking your parents if it's ok. There is obviously a big difference whether that was serious or playful. Both would have been a red flag for me, no matter where he was from, as I don't find the ownership of women funny. But I wouldn't have taken it so seriously if you had mentioned it was a joke.

So if the answer doesn't matter, why ask the question 😂😂

Just returned to this thread and was shocked to read that we’ve moved on from a dinner invitation to the public circumcision of OP’s as yet unconceived son!

If he had said no, we could hardly have stopped a 29 year old woman from getting married! He wanted our blessing for the wedding to go ahead, which he got. He comes from a culture which shows far more respect towards older people than we have in the uk and I don’t think it would have ever occurred to him not to ask if he could marry our daughter.

I'm baffled as to why you thought prejudices towards people of different cultures/races or stereotypes about marriages with people from non-EU countries would have changed over the past few years? Years where there us more and more concern about immigration to the UK, protests and riots against asylum seekers and more support for political parties like reform?

Women being concerned about insincere, predatory men of any race or nationalility is also not something that is likely to change, because so many have experienced men who talked the talk, then completely changed, and I think that is what warnings have mainly been about on the thread.

It's great it worked out how you wanted, but I dont think most PP would change their advice to someone in a similar situation based on your experience.