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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Currently in Turkey, met a guy…

838 replies

theoneortwo · 29/08/2025 21:11

And I know they say ‘people come along when you least expect it’ but I never ever thought this would happen to me.

im 29, British, recently I came out of a long term relationship and I am currently on holiday with my family.

I’ve met a lovely Turkish man whilst here. Completely unexpectedly, he was working on one of the tours we went on 4 days ago.

I know it sounds silly and cliche, but as soon as I saw him it’s like I just knew I needed to get to know him. We didn’t speak much on the trip itself since he was obviously busy working - but after when he was showing us the photos he’d taken, we swapped numbers and have been chatting ever since.

He has asked to take me for dinner tomorrow evening (locally in the resort town we are staying in) my mum is saying go for it, but my dad seems to have reservations and is telling me not to be so stupid and naive..

This man hasn’t shown me any red flags or given me reason to distrust him.

Im kind of in the mindset that I’m here on holiday, it’s probably not going to progress.. so let’s see what happens?

has anybody else ever been in this situation, meeting a guy abroad / getting to know somebody from a different country?

I know there are huge complex loopholes and issues IF we did get to know each other more and develop a relationship - due to distance etc.

would love to know thoughts please, as I’m really in two minds.

Thank you ☺️

OP posts:

MzHz · 30/08/2025 08:52

theoneortwo · 29/08/2025 21:58

Thank you! I am so glad you were able to move before the 29k salary threshold came into play.

one of my close friends is currently going through the immigration process with her partner, he’s Moroccan. I can see how heartbreaking and time consuming it is.

Show quote history

🙄

Original poster

theoneortwo · 30/08/2025 08:51

Yes, happy to do a AMA as others have requested

OP posts:

LochKatrine · 30/08/2025 08:51

LeavesOnTrees · 30/08/2025 08:40

Just to add to my post about the Kurds I know, one can't go back easily as he risks being drafted in for military service. He has been but his wife isn't happy about it.

Yes, I know a man in similar circumstances, he's got to do military service.

Original poster

theoneortwo · 30/08/2025 08:51

DurinsBane · 30/08/2025 08:49

These people saying he is after a passport/visa. You do realise Turkey is in the EU? So they can go anywhere in the EU freely. An EU passport is more powerful than a UK one nowadays!

Unfortunately not true 😔

OP posts:

anotherside · 30/08/2025 08:51

DurinsBane · 30/08/2025 08:49

These people saying he is after a passport/visa. You do realise Turkey is in the EU? So they can go anywhere in the EU freely. An EU passport is more powerful than a UK one nowadays!

Turkey isn’t in the EU. That said it’s true that the UK passport only ranks about 30th in the world now, post Brexit.

PiggingBastardPigs · 30/08/2025 08:51

theoneortwo · 30/08/2025 08:50

No, obviously not.

Show quote history

Pointless you saying it then wasn’t it.

BackToLurk · 30/08/2025 08:51

DurinsBane · 30/08/2025 08:49

These people saying he is after a passport/visa. You do realise Turkey is in the EU? So they can go anywhere in the EU freely. An EU passport is more powerful than a UK one nowadays!

Turkey isn’t in the EU

iowgirl1 · 30/08/2025 08:50

I'm curious about how it works with your husband's work - are his employers (whichever country they are in ?) OK with him being away in another country for half the year ? Is his work 100% wfh or what ? Or does he have to fly back and forth for work purposes ?

Original poster

theoneortwo · 30/08/2025 08:50

PiggingBastardPigs · 30/08/2025 08:48

Are you seriously considering posting them on a public forum?

Show quote history

No, obviously not.

OP posts:

Iamfree · 30/08/2025 08:50

DurinsBane · 30/08/2025 08:49

These people saying he is after a passport/visa. You do realise Turkey is in the EU? So they can go anywhere in the EU freely. An EU passport is more powerful than a UK one nowadays!

Turkey is NOT in the EU. Oh lord this ignorance is staggering. You do have means to access the internet, you should have googled that before posting

Happygolucky314 · 30/08/2025 08:49

theoneortwo · 29/08/2025 23:57

I’m a 29 year old woman.. I can decide myself if I want to go somewhere or not.

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You’re 29 and still on here asking for validation and permission from a group of strangers who by the looks of one are all telling you no. The last thing I’d be doing abroad is going out for dinner with a stranger man. Take note

LisaNando · 30/08/2025 08:49

LisaNando · 30/08/2025 08:46

I've not read all your updates- are you now married to him and living in Turkey?
A lot has happened in less than 24 hours if you have.

Show quote history

Oh okay.

So this was just a game.

Well done on playing it.

You must be very bored.

daisymoonlight · 30/08/2025 08:49

theoneortwo · 30/08/2025 08:44

But… it DID work out for me.

See my recent update.

Show quote history

You've been together 3 years. Thats hardly a long successful marriage is it?

I've dated people in the past for longer than 3 years who turned out to be complete idiots. I dont think 3 years is a particularly good bench mark of "it all working out"

DurinsBane · 30/08/2025 08:49

These people saying he is after a passport/visa. You do realise Turkey is in the EU? So they can go anywhere in the EU freely. An EU passport is more powerful than a UK one nowadays!

PiggingBastardPigs · 30/08/2025 08:48

theoneortwo · 30/08/2025 08:34

Would you like photographs? Marriage certificate?

Show quote history

Are you seriously considering posting them on a public forum?

Itsallsostressful · 30/08/2025 08:48

OP I like a lot of people would have read your thread in good faith to offer advice. I didn't agree with a lot of it but it was offered in good faith.
I've now read your weird gotcha update and am left thinking wtf why did you bother making up this thread ?????

Stravaig · 30/08/2025 08:48

I think this is called counting your chickens before they've hatched. Met, married, two children, all in just 3 years is not happy ever after, as a gazillion threads here on MN will testify. You've not had a long and happy life together yet. But congrats on the ruse and the smug. Why not just write an honest post sharing your experience of the racism people in intercultural relationships have to deal with every day?

4forksache · 30/08/2025 08:48

There are always exceptions to the rule and you were lucky- but it doesn’t work out that way for many.

You took a risk and it worked out- it doesn’t for the majority.

LisaNando · 30/08/2025 08:46

theoneortwo · 30/08/2025 08:44

But… it DID work out for me.

See my recent update.

Show quote history

I've not read all your updates- are you now married to him and living in Turkey?
A lot has happened in less than 24 hours if you have.

Blueberry911 · 30/08/2025 08:45

theoneortwo · 30/08/2025 08:13

Probably time to come clean here.. ‼️

Im currently sitting having breakfast with this very man -my husband - the love of my life who I did in fact meet in these exact circumstances.

Daughter number 1 is asleep upstairs and baby 2 cooking away nicely!🤰

After meeting 3 years ago (I was 29) we made it work. We went for the dinner my dad said no to, had the most gorgeous week together and I flew back out 2 weeks after to spend another fortnight. We did long distance for a year.

For us, it was love at first sight and he has made me the happiest woman in the world. He works hard, got a degree and is now working in an accountancy firm. He provides for us, and I couldn’t wish for more.

He purchased our villa in Turkey and we live 1/2 the year in the sunshine and the other half in the UK.

We were talking through our early days last night and wanted to get the general consensus as to the thoughts of other people - and clearly the majority are just as we thought - categorising people that aren’t British into stereotypes and words of racism left right and center.

PS. My dad literally adores him - he’s like the son my dad never had. 👏🏼

So. Yes, we made this work despite the judgement we got from almost all of the people in our lives.

And it saddens me to see that those judgements and stereotypes are still floating around today.

I guess this was just a little post to see if people really did view us and our situation the way we suspected they did.

I was called naive, stupid, a sl** even - all for falling in love with a man that calls a diferent country home.

He was accused of wanting a passport, my money..

A word of advice from me - go for the dinner, get to know them. You never know. It could be the most incredible journey you ever take 👍🏼

We'll see how that's going for you in another 3 years. What an odd thread you've made.

And 3 years together, 2 kids, splitting your time? Watch this space.

Original poster

theoneortwo · 30/08/2025 08:44

LisaNando · 30/08/2025 08:43

FGS OP you sound about 14 not 29.

Don't have dinner, don't start dreaming about how you can relocate to Turkey and have a life there.

Talk about letting you fantasies run away with you!

Have you been reading too many chick lit novels on holiday romances?

Edited

But… it DID work out for me.

See my recent update.

OP posts:

LisaNando · 30/08/2025 08:43

FGS OP you sound about 14 not 29.

Don't have dinner, don't start dreaming about how you can relocate to Turkey and have a life there.

Talk about letting you fantasies run away with you!

Have you been reading too many chick lit novels on holiday romances?

Brooklyn70 · 30/08/2025 08:43

OP, i haven’t read all the responses but most were telling you to view it as a holiday fling or to tread carefully.

What most were commenting on was about the fact that without having had a proper conversation with the guy, you were already thinking of the logistics of a long distance relationship and let’s be honest, could see yourself walking down the aisle with this guy.

Yes it’s worked out for you, but statistically this kind of relationship fizzles into nothing and has very little chance of success.

PoshDuckQuarkQuark · 30/08/2025 08:41