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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be numb about the half kitchen refurb.

41 replies

DIYfatigue · 29/08/2025 20:30

We've lived here 20 years with a make shift, unfitted kitchen. Four months ago I pushed to get it sorted in a more conventional (pleasant) way.
DH loves to tackle everything himself, so it took a month for him to build from scrap a very lovely double cupboard.
I insisted on other units that were constructed and painted. These have been delivered, DH has plumbed, done electrics, fitted all while working full-time. The time booked off was minimal and eaten into. (Last year he didn't take all his leave)

The whole thing is going to drag on for months more and I'm just tired of it all. I've been keeping the whole thing going by strength of imagination but have run out of gratitude and fun for the whole bloody enterprise. No, I don't want to put my old saucepans in the new drawers when we'll no doubt have to pull the unit out again.
Any suggestions? Anyone want to keep me company, share their DIY epic timeframes.

OP posts:
childofthe607080s · 29/08/2025 22:59

I’d get stuck in myself -

CatherinedeBourgh · 29/08/2025 22:57

Oops, this is me. Been working on the kitchen for a year now...fortunately my family are very understanding...

Upsetbetty · 29/08/2025 22:52

Ah yes. My exh was like this. I ended up leaving. It wasn’t the only reason but it certainly didn’t help, it literally drove me demented. I deserved better in my opinion.

5foot5 · 29/08/2025 22:48

When reading threads like this I am thankful I have a DH with minimal DIY skills and no aversion to calling in professionals.

He used to think he could change taps, but the last two times it went wrong. After the last time, when the resulting leak was discovered on Christmas Eve when we had family staying and we had to pay exorbitant emergency call out fees to get someone in to basically realign a washer, he now has no qualms on calling a plumber for even the simplest jobs. And before anyone asks, I have no pretensions that I could do better and no inclination to learn.

Actually he can change broken light switches and we managed to decorate between us. We are both OK at self assembly furniture.

OP can you afford to get a kitchen fitter in? If so, just overrule him. It must be miserable without a proper kitchen. We had ours redone (professionally) a few years ago and even having the kitchen out of commission for 3 weeks was very wearing.

Original poster
DIYfatigue · 29/08/2025 22:18

My dad was an electrician, so I understand the pain of have a trade in the actual house but no benefit.
DH is just obsessed with doing it himself but continuously under estimates the skill and time needed to problem solved and get the job done.
He gets there in the end but it's a long time.
Me, I research, decide, buy, stack up the stuff and have the contacts to pay the trade. It's frustrating.
I don't at work have to tactfully pussyfoot around when there's a leak. They spot it first and fix it.
I have already nipped up a couple of connections that were weeping.

DH has brought little to the table in terms of planning or inspiration or modern life. If up to him, we'd have his 1970s childhood home replicated.

OP posts:
narcASD · 29/08/2025 21:52

married to a plumber, had a lovely en-suite but sadly no actual en-suite in there, 6 years on I decided to get quotes, got a loan and paid someone to do it, no regrets and still married 🤣

GRex · 29/08/2025 21:40

After 8 years, we are about 40% done. One problem is that we've had some truly terrible tradesmen, so it's harder to over-rule him. I am allowed electricians and plumbers. Apart from that I smile and thank, try to listen patiently, am nostly quite chilled, and then every 3 months or so I explode in rage at him tinkering for days with a not-quite-flat whatever-the-fuck-behind-a-door!

INeedAnotherName · 29/08/2025 21:38

PamIsAVolleyballChamp · 29/08/2025 21:32

Is it only dh who can do DIY, not you? Do you both work full time?

I suspect OP would prefer to pay a professional kitchen fitter but her DH has decided otherwise. Just because she may or may not be a competent DIYer is besides the point.

Sorry OP you have my commiserations. I had a DH who insisted on doing stuff himself (badly). Notice the "had".

Chazbots · 29/08/2025 21:37

Box the tools, clear the surfaces. Learn to do some DIY.

Put your foot down about schedules. It's just a waste of your time and energy living by someone else's timescales and frankly, tightness.

MotherofPufflings · 29/08/2025 21:36

Ifailed · 29/08/2025 20:48

Your kitchen has clearly functioned as one for 20 years, despite being 'unfitted'. What's the problem, are you trying to impress a 3rd party?

There's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting nice things. Which of course you know perfectly well, you're just having a dig at the op for the sake of it.

MsTamborineMan · 29/08/2025 21:34

Ifailed · 29/08/2025 20:48

Your kitchen has clearly functioned as one for 20 years, despite being 'unfitted'. What's the problem, are you trying to impress a 3rd party?

I think OP is allowed to want a nice kitchen

PamIsAVolleyballChamp · 29/08/2025 21:32

Is it only dh who can do DIY, not you? Do you both work full time?

Original poster
DIYfatigue · 29/08/2025 21:30

No third party or social media reveal on the cards.
Finally got the tap plumbed and working with just one minor leak yesterday. Of course it leaked, which pissed on DHs parade and the new cupboard.
Worktops next week.
I just can't get celebrate a wobbly tap when it's going to have to come out again for worktops. I can't cook in any normal sense of the word because there are tools on every surface.
We've been running on camping water bottles for a month, I should be more excited about the plumbing.
I think I'd probably ask Kevin cloud to give me a lift out of home if we were filming.

OP posts:
ElfAndSafetyBored · 29/08/2025 20:56

My mum nearly divorced my dad for taking a year to re-do a bathroom and they love each other very much.

He should either do it or you both pay someone else to do it!

Ifailed · 29/08/2025 20:48

Your kitchen has clearly functioned as one for 20 years, despite being 'unfitted'. What's the problem, are you trying to impress a 3rd party?

Lunaballoon · 29/08/2025 20:40

I feel your pain OP! It’s great to have a handy DH, but it would be a lot less time consuming to get a kitchen specialist in to do the whole job in one go.