Can’t stop this affair

Just wanted to offer a perspective from the other side of this. Our youngest was born with a (minor!) disability and my husband didn’t cope with it at all, ended up having an affair to feed his ego while I struggled on with postnatal depression. She’s not even two yet and we’re already divorcing.

Anyway, the point is that the man you are seeing is weak, and you deserve better. If he really loved you, he’d already be divorced - or at least he would’ve told his wife by now. Instead he chooses only self-serving cowardice.

Fundamentally his family and his responsibilities are not your business. But you are your business. And it’s time you invested in and backed yourself.

Choose better than his wife did, and bin off this spineless weakling. In a few months you’ll feel like you can breathe again.

My mum once told me “never be the other woman.” You get all the heartbreak, and none of the sympathy.

bin him. Invest in you.

good luck.

You don't deserve to be taken out and shown off by this man at all. You don't deserve much tbh in this situation.

You do deserve to feel ashamed though.

You most definitely do have rose tinted glasses on. Wont leave her but happy for her to stay home looking after their kids while he's getting his end away with you? Disgusting man.
And you enabling it is just as Disgusting.

Have some self respect and end it. Yes you can go no contact. So you have to see him once a month in a professional context doesnt mean you need to contact him outside of this.

he knows me better than anyone, yet I know I deserve to be taken out, showed off etc, instead of someone’s secret.

Don’t you think his wife deserves not to be cheated on?

You have obviously never heard of sisterhood.
I will enlighten you.
It’s where women, subconsciously or otherwise, support other women.
We don’t put women down, we don’t humiliate them, we absolutely support each other.
And we DEFINITELY don’t fuck another woman’s husband.
Give it a try, you might find you like it.
And you may, one day, be grateful for it.

You have a very high opinion of yourself don’t you op? You deserve to be showed off? 🤢

You shouldn’t have had to come onto a forum to be told that what you were doing to another woman who is at home caring for a disabled child was and is abhorrent. I don’t get how women find these men attractive.

OP has said she can’t leave her job in her first post.

He is a disgusting example of a father and a man. You are awful for facilitating his abuse of his wife. I’m sorry, but it’s the truth.

Oh come on, you know he’s stringing you along. And explicit says he want leave you
Stop this nonsense. You don’t need to be the OW. He’s excusing his dreadful behaviour by using the chronic health condition of his child

You're criticising someone else yet say that criticism can only be done by a perfect person? You are either claiming you're perfect or you don't actually believe your own claim.

Yeah, it comes down to a sense of entitlement.

That poor woman is living what must be a very difficult life, and the person who is meant to be her team mate in that is shagging someone else behind her back. Gross.

Let this sink in OP.....

Let's rephrase, WON'T stop, not CAN'T stop. Absolutely zero respect for people like you.

He is using you. He thinks nothing of you and you are no more than a hole between two legs. Find your worth and walk away from him, You deserve more, his wife deserves more and his children deserve more: Don’t be that woman. Walk away, block and move on. Be better

Yes they are projecting indeed but they need to remember that op wasn’t the one their husbands were having sex with. My calling out vulgar language should have no bearing on what they’ve went through. It’s vulgar and classless and has no place on a public forum. I may appear callous and hard hearted but I’m not the one calling a stranger a c**t and I can live with that.

Honestly, hes staying because hes happier as he is. He might know you better than anyone but you dont know him at all its not just his wife he lies to.

Id speak to your boss, if you only speak to him once a month surely someone else can do that task? Or is it that you like the excuse to see him?

Get another job if you have to

Ugh my friend is doing a similar thing and honestly I feel like she's losing everything because of it. We're near 40 and she really wants kids and basically will never have them because she's holding out for something that will never happen.

She's lost a job, she's lost friends because of it. She's actually a lovely person and was going through a difficult time in her life when she met him. Every few months she tries to leave and he worms his way back in with new promises he never keeps. There's always another reason why he hasn't left.

She deserves much better. So does his poor wife and kids. I never want to meet him but I'm fairly sure I never will as she's stuck being a dirty secret. End it for your own good.

Yes his wife is too busy caring for their children to focus on him so you’re just the ego boost. If it weren’t for the disabled daughter she might be able to give him more attention and again he wouldn’t leave. My boss did this. Vile pathetic attention seeking little man.

How anyone who can find a person who is being this dishonest, in the least bit attractive is completely beyond me. Why would you want to be with a liar?
I feel so bad for his wife. She sounds like she already has so much on her plate 😞
Just get over it.

You are selfish and absolutely delusional.

”I know I deserve to be taken out and shown off”

unbelievable.

It belittles the pain these women have suffered to preach at them about their language when they respond emotively to a transitive situation they identify with. No one except you cares about swearing - this is MN after all. You sound callous and hard hearted.

yet I know I deserve to be taken out, showed off etc, instead of someone’s secret.

Jesus. It’s all about you isn’t it. Absolutely no thoughts or considerations to the poor wife.

This man won’t take you out or show you off. He’s had over a year to do that. He just enjoys the thrill of it all and the sex. That’s it. He has no intentions of being in a relationship with you.

Please find your self respect, raise your bar and walk away from this mess.

No one truly knows what any one is like until you have lived with them . Find someone who is free to be with you . If he does leave his wife and child for you , you will be both be upon as a pair of heartless shits .