Can’t stop this affair

Honestly pick up whatever, if any, self worth you left at the door of wherever you met this arsehole and leave him alone. He’s got a wife and children. He’ll never leave them for you, he’s having his cake and eating it. How can women like you not just see that you’re a shag on the side of “boring” but comfortable family life? You’re a bit of excitement and he’ll tell you whatever you need to hear to keep you hooked. Both of you are disgusting, him more so but it’s a pretty close call.

Wow. I'm glad you're capable of some empathy towards the wife and child and think of how that would impact on them. Oh no, hang on... 😒

Probably he wouldn’t leave or he would have. The rest is excuses. You say you ‘deserve’ to be taken out and not hidden - no. In this relationship you are getting exactly what you deserve- the shame of your actions.

You are deluded into this narrative he has spun you to make yourself feel better and to justify both of your behaviours.

Knowijg his circumstances your behaviour is the lowest of the low. Have you no empathy or human compassion for his wife who is probably struggling and exhausted?

Yes you are both awful. Find a small amount of self respect and find a new job and block him.

Stop the entitlement, excuses and awful behaviour now.

I don't know? How can he stick his dick in someone else while his wife is at home look after his disabled child. You know having sacrificed her career and limiting her options to be the carer. Is he awful using his time to fuck someone else rather than ginvest his time into his family. You know he could give her a break in the timechis investing in you and your relationship.

You CAN stop
YOU have control over YOUR actions !!!

what else can anyone possibly say ????

Think practically and realistically for a minute, how would him taking you out and ‘showing you off’ work? Hi friends , meet hallie Constance, my affair partner, the reason I’ve left my wife and upended my family. Because he won’t say it but everyone will know . Everyone.

FFS he is not awful for staying and supporting his wife and child, he is awful for fucking you and lying to his wife and child. You are also awful and selfish - deserve to be taken out and shown off! Could you be more selfish?

Maybe take up knitting or opera. To keep yourself occupied 😃

He could leave and still provide financially for the ex-wife and kids - plus she’d be entitled to benefits plus his maintenance as a carer single mother of a severely disabled child so she’d be fine for money I’m sure. He could help with practicalities still too - plenty of men manage good relationships with children post divorce.

He just doesn’t actually want to - or he would. Whether it’s because he cares more about upsetting his wife than upsetting you, or he doesn’t want to financially suffer over upsetting you or wants to keep his Mr Nice Guy image or just wants his cake and eat it and has no desire to divorce. All scenarios mean you’re not as important as his wife / himself to him.

Raising a disabled child is fucking hard work.

If he’s got the time and energy for an affair, he’s absolutely letting his wife down at home. I barely have time to brush my hair, nevermind find casual partners (that I have no interest in).

That poor woman is living what must be a very difficult life, and the person who is meant to be her team mate in that is shagging someone else behind her back. Gross.

Is he also sleeping with her? That would knock me sick.

He is an awful excuse for a man, and you need to throw him back. See him once a month without having sex with him if you must. But facilitating him abandoning responsibility for his family, at least two of whom are vulnerable (disabled child and wife), is disgusting.

I don't think you can believe what this man tells you. The guy has been lying day in day out to his wife, kids and himself for 18+ months (that's if you are is 1st or only affair, which again, you can't know for sure). There might be some specks of truth, but in your shoes, I'd just assume everything he says is lies. If he'd love you, he'd be with you 100%. So many, many, many men have left their family (yes even their children with disabilities and their struggling wife) without a look over their shoulder. You're the piece on the side and that is exactly how he wants it.

Look if he really wanted to he would leave his wife. He may be staying because he actually does like his wife, he’ll look like an arsehole of he leaves, etc etc but tbh you are just wasting your life on someone who can’t and won’t give you a proper relationship. You are just hurting yourself. I won’t insult you, people do stupid shit all the bloody time but this is not going to end with you two together most likely. There are other men out there, half the thing about affairs is the excitement and the secrecy, if you weren’t getting the rush from this the excitement would probably wear off. You would also have to cinsider that even if you did end up together there is a chance that if shit got hard he’s be shagging another woman behind your back.

I clearly cannot spell! 😂

Naievity

Yep.

You need to stop the mealy mouthed excuses - you can and should stop. You’re just choosing not to. The fact you see him once a month at work shouldn’t stop you; if you find it difficult, get another job.

Yeah..I mean it’s got the lot..affair, long suffering wife, disabled child, faux Naismith from the OP…I’d say twat whether real or not.

He can leave his wife regardless of his family situation. You can end things with him. Neither of you are choosing to do so.

Yes, he's awful. You don't know that he would leave her in any circumstances.
If he loved you, he would leave her and still step up for his ex and children.

Some men just cheat.

You are his escape from the demands of home life. You are never going be “ shown off” more just his monthly bit on the side. End it.

he knows me better than anyone, yet I know I deserve to be taken out, showed off etc, instead of someone’s secret.

It’s all about you I guess.

I suspect so. You'd hope no real person would be so obnoxious.