That DH went to a spa on our first wedding anniversary… but not with me?

So was he out all day? Did you not ask what ‘busy’ thing he had on?
All sounds very odd.

What kind of 'spa;?

I don't know any straight men who would voluntarily go to a spa for a whole day with a mate, let alone a random bloke from work. My DH isn't the most blokey of blokes and he wouldn't.....

This is beyond weird. Firstly I don’t know many men who would go on a spa day with their mates, but this wasn’t even a mate, it was a work colleague who he doesn’t even see outside of work!
Yet he picked him over you on your anniversary?!
You sure he’s not gay/bi? Something a little more going on with this ‘colleague’
I’d be pretty upset and hurt that he’d choose a nobody over me on our anniversary. He knows it’s wrong that’s why he tried to hide it too

That's awful. He turned down your suggestions. Did he bother organising anything else?

Even if you don't feel like birthdays and anniversaries are important (I don't except for my kids) you celebrate them if someone you love finds them important (my DH def does). It's a complete lack of attention to you but what is even worse is doing something fancy with someone else said day. And this if your first anniversary, not your 13th or 26th. It shows how little he cares about you.

Secondly this is just weird. I don't know any man who goes to a spa day with a mate from work you barely know. So either:

1. He's bisexual and it was romantic.

1. It was a foursome with women there. Two guys cheating covering up for each other with "bloke spa day".

None of them are good.

I'm pretty sure most men would be weirded out if Jim from accounts,who isn't a close mate, randomly asked if they'd go to a spa day with them.
I just can't imagine most ordinary everyday blokes thinking "what a fantastic idea,it's only my first wedding anniversary that day,no problem at all"
Very odd.

Agree about the ‘busy’ comment.

I would have said ‘oh you have something on after work - what?’

What time did he get back? Was the spa far away or local?

This.
Leaving aside the whole spa thing, why would it be "pushing it" to have a perfectly normal conversation with your DH about plans?

Does he often refuse to communicate?
Do you often 'think' or assume instead of talking to him?
Are you nervous of 'upsetting' him?

This, surely that's a normal conversation to have?
id expect DH to ask the same if it was the other way around too

Or a couples massage with a happy ending 😳

He lied about it so he knows he was in the wrong. I don't know how you row back from this - he's deceitful and doesn't care much about your feelings. Sorry, OP. 💐

Usually i eye roll when people say leave.
But yeah, so many levels of not ok here and he won’t even acknowledge it so how are you meant to move forward from it? Don’t put up with this shit only one year in. You don’t deserve that.

DH and I both forgot our first anniversary, because we just aren't bothered about them, but I think it's perfectly valid for you to want to mark the day, and he should make the effort not because he "should want to" but because it is important to you, and that's what you do for people you love.

I'm really sorry OP, that's shitty. Your first wedding anniversary should be special, however you spend it. Doesn't have to cost much, but you should do it together! I would have been angry, then upset, then really down.

Straight men don’t go to spa days together. They just don’t.

Sure they do—if the people who matter to them do. He basically is saying with his sctions that OP doesn’t matter to him.

There's got to be a lot more to this then you know OP, one way or another it sounds dodgy as fuck.

That's just bizarre.

Of all the things he could do, a "spa day"? it's even weirder because they are both male, but 2 female work colleagues would be weird anyway.

It is a big deal or he would have told you.

So sorry, you deserve better than this.

There’s something else going on here OP and you need to find out what. Two male but not very close work colleagues taking a day off (on your anniversary!) and going on a spa day together. And him lying about it!

Either there were women there and it was a group activity (likely). Or he’s gay or bisexual.

What time did he get home? Surely he could have had a spa in the day and be back for dinner with you in the evening. Something was keeping him there all day and evening….

This is really, really weird. Is he gay? Why has he secretly gone on a spa day with a male work colleague he’s not close to, on your wedding anniversary?

If he really can’t see why this, plus the lying, is hurtful, you’ve got a problem. He’s either thick as shit or abusive and/or gaslighting you.

If he’d said oh my mate has invited me to this, it’s on our anniversary but I really want to do it, do you mind and we’ll celebrate the next day / in the evening instead, just bad timing, sorry… that would have been fine. But to try and cover it up by omission is really weird.

Did you ever say in the run up, oh what shall we do for our anniversary?

I'd be getting an STI check.

definitely a male workmate, I’ve met him before. They’re not especially close so that’s why it felt so weird. Like who randomly books a spa day with someone they don’t even see outside of work normally

When something doesn't make sense, it's usually a lie.

I'd be asking him if he's shagging his mate me, because nothing he's saying sounds like the truth.

Is it a reputable spa?

This is weird as fuck, he’s either secretly bi, this is one of those ‘spa’s’, or there were other women involved.

You should be furious @Haverviti he would rather be with a random work colleague than you on your 1st wedding anniversary.

Don’t have kids with this man, your life will be miserable.