That DH went to a spa on our first wedding anniversary… but not with me?

I would find this highly suspicious and you are not wrong to be upset about it. Can you describe the Instagram pictures? Is it a selfie of the two of them or a picture of just your husband?

Also wondering if he’s gay. Cannot see 2 straight male work colleagues going for a spa day together. Odd.

@ErlingHaalandsManBun I don't think not celebrating the anniversary is the biggest of OPs problems here.

I'm the same in that no celebration for anniversaries etc., but no need to poo poo people who do.

Regardless of the fact that it was your first wedding anniversary... I would definitely think something odd was going on if my partner went on a spa day with a male work colleague and also tried to hide it from me. I don't think I know any straight man who would do this, honestly.

If he'd been open about it, I'd have thought 'OK, unusual, but it's 2025 so I'm not going to be sexist about it'. But the fact that he tried to hide it would make me suspicious.

It being your anniversary just adds insult to injury really.

@ErlingHaalandsManBun whilst not everyone cares about doing something every anniversary, your first is usually quite a big occasion!

Nah sorry, just don't get the fuss.

It IS just a day. Plenty of other days either side to knock back some wine and have a takeaway. I just couldn't get upset about this. But then DH and I don't really celebrate anniversaries and stuff like that.

I think celebrating things like anniversaries just don't mean the same to the majority of men.

But just a thought, you thought you were doing nothing fancy, bottle of wine etc, but did you actually communicate this to him and have a conversation over what you would do, if anything, for your anniversary? Or because nothing had been discussed you just assumed you would be doing something like that.

He told you he was going to be busy on the day itself, and again you assumed it was a work thing, do you not talk to one another? Just in general conversation I would have asked 'what are you up to?' Its not wrong to just ask the question as to what he was going to be doing.

He lied about enjoying a spa day, on your anniversary, with a colleague he's not particularly close to? 🤔.

I usually steer away from 'he's having an affair', but this feels like his special someone.

On your first anniversary too? Whatever it is - 🚨🚨🚨.

What sort of man goes on a spa day with a male work colleague on his first wedding anniversary? Selfish, unloving, but something else too, I’m not sure what. Everything about this is weird as hell, before you even get to the lies and deception.

Well, I'm a woman, and I'm not even sure which month we got married in, but if it mattered to DH, I'd make a point of remembering.

This is very odd op. Two straight men on a spa day together? And he clearly knew it was a problem or he would have told you about it from the start!

Was Cher playing in the background?

Your DH would rather spend his wedding anniversary with Gary from HR than you? Honey, he is gay and Gary is his boyfriend.

This is so fucking weird.

A colleague acquaintance (at best), invites your husband to a spa day last minute on your anniversary. Your husband lies to you about it, he's there all day/night. The barely acquaintance posts it on social media.

Please assess the situation. This is bizarre and there is definitely more to this than meets the eye.

You need to get to the bottom of it and decide what to do after that, because the scenario he is selling you, did NOT happen.

I asked DH about this and he said he would never go to a spa with someone from work - unless it was specific for acupuncture or something for his bad back (and even then that is a big stretch!!) He'd just go with me to a spa.

He said the same thing as other people, that this sounds a little fruity. Sorry OP.

He’s basically pushing you to end it.
honestly he knows this is beyond shitty behaviour and he’s doing everything to show you who he really is x

My husband loves a spa day, we've literally just booked to do it on our anniversary weekend. But he would never just go a with a work colleague or even one of his male friends, he just wouldn't. Im sorry, it does sound like there is more to this.

WTF!!! What an utterly selfish thing to do and lying too. This doesn't bode well at all for the long term.
LTB.

I would be furious that he would rather spend your first wedding anniversary at a spa with a colleague from work who he isn't particularly close to rather than his wife. It's just mind boggling why he would choose to do this. It might be different if it was his best mate or family member but just a random guy from work? Something doesn't add up.

And agree with others, the lying and covering up is a massive red flag. It implies to me that he will lie about all sorts of shit in your relationship.

Two MEN going for a Spa day together?

This is not what straight men do.

I would also feel suspicious that he wasn’t at the spa that day. All you have is a photo that the friend uploaded that day - a convenient alibi. Could have been taken any time. Is it very clear and identifiable that they are where they say they are? Whilst it’s not policed, the spa I go to states no photography. At the very least I’d be concerned as others have said that there were two women going that day and the men followed, and it’s a coincidence it was your anniversary.

I would be very pissed off OP & expecting him to make it up to you somehow. Please dont have children with this man in a rush.

Being charitable - does he have to network for his job?

’He genuinely can’t see what the problem is’.

Clearly not true or he wouldn’t have hidden it from you.

What an arse.

These comments might not be in the right order, but this is just as they come to me!

Some straight men DO enjoy spa days. We had a work team build, all women and 1 man. Someone suggested a spa day but we started to say that wasn’t fair on the 1 bloke on the team - he immediately interrupted to tell us he LOVES spa says! In fact, he booked the most additional self-paid for treatments! He was the first into a robe and slippers etc. definitely straight, he was just confident enough to say “actually, I quite like being pampered”. So a man going on a spa day isn’t automatically suspicious! Could it have been a team building thing but he and the other guy were the only blokes so stuck together?

He should have told you the truth. I agree the lying and covering up is the biggest red flag here - if it was fully innocent, why lie? Best case scenario, he was worried you’d be hurt and wanted to save your feelings. Only you can know if this is likely to be the case if not.

If it was just him and this guy, I’d be questioning who is he - because 2 good friends going is one thing, going with someone they claim to barely know doesn’t sound right.

Did he do anything nice for your anniversary?

Nah. He's a lying wanker, I'd be really pissed off with this!