That DH went to a spa on our first wedding anniversary… but not with me?

I really, really get your hurt @Haverviti
I booked our honeymoon hotel for our first anniversary, one night, organized baby sitter, wore something nice. Paid for everything.
We were in the bar after dinner having drinks, in walks some bloke he knew. Completely random. My exh, bloke and hotel manager ended up having a 'lock in'. I went to bed about 10ish, felt so lonely and hurt. Exh stumbled in drunk about 3am.
First anniversary. That was the level of contempt he had for our relationship. He never got more thoughtful or more considerate or put me first. I divorced him 6 years later.
Your dh could have had a lads day on any of the other 364 days.

He is telling you loud and clear where you fit and slot into HIS life. It seems to me that you do not rate very highly on his scale of important things.

This. Totally odd

I’d be very upset about this. You need to tell him how much this meant to you so that in future he knows what you expect

I totally agree with you and have been fortunate enough not to need to do it but if you peruse the posts on here, you will find an awful lot of women who do need to explain to their partners what they would like. My sister's first husband bought her a mower for one birthday and followed by a full drill and bit set for Christmas, her second husband was the opposite, he carried in his wallet a list of her sizing from dresses to gloves and hats; they were like chalk and cheese.

I agree you should not have to do it but to avoid a lifetime of disappointment and the smell of burning martyr, sometimes, you jut have to.

If this happened to me, I would start really snooping in order to find out the truth of my own life.

I think gay or bi too. Not because it's a spa (FFS) but because he is choosing a male friend to go with over his wife of one year and has lied and manipulated in order to keep that date. This is not normal behaviour but I would have to find out how bad it really is.

You also aren’t bothered if your husband lies to you ?

Are you absolutely and completely certain that he went with 'Mike from work' and 'Mike from work' only, and that he actually went to the spa and stayed there and isn't using 'going to the spa with Mike from work' as code for 'Mike is covering my ass because really I am going out with Dora from accounts.'

Although any man stupid enough to dip out on his FIRST WEDDING ANNIVERSARY for any reason at all is asking to be firstly found out big time and secondly dumped resoundingly.

Spa day with a bloke from work,who he never socialises with .WEIRD!!!

It was the whole day? This was at least a foursome (mixed?). Other "activities" were probably on the menu. You are better than this male person. Get out now and find someone somewhere better than him.

No I am not. I was talking to that poster about her expectations chat which was basic things like buy me a card. If you’re married to someone you shouldn’t need a chat really about basic things like that.

This
It wouldn't bother me

This is the sort of rubbish my ex would pull. Not spa days but trips elsewhere with his mates when we had limited funds and then trying to cover his tracks. One of the many, many reasons I kicked him out in the end. I would suggest your husband pulls his act together and start prioritising you and your feelings or piss off xx

@Happyher @ErlingHaalandsManBun The OP said that it wasn't a major issue for her that he wasn't available to celebrate the anniversary with her on the day itself. She said "I assumed work stuff so I didn’t push it, thought maybe we’d celebrate the day after."

What is more concerning is that he actively kept what he did that day from her, despite the fact that it was an interesting / unusual outing.

• He didn't make any mention of his fun, last-minute, once-off, luxury, unusual event to her when he let her know several days in advance that he would be busy on their anniversary day.
• He didn't casually mention anything on the morning of the day, for instance that he would be leaving the house later than usual as he was heading to the spa with Mike or "Hey Honey, I'll be back around 9 p.m. tonight, like I told you the other day, 'cause Mike and I are heading to Green Hills after work."
• Nor did he come home after the fabulously relaxing spa session and say "Mike and I were at Green Hills this afternoon to use up his birthday voucher. Wow, it was amazing. You and I should definitely go some time." or "It's a nice place, but it felt a bit weird after all it just being him and me."

Also, it is bizarre that he would go on a spa day, that included dinner nota bene, with Mike who he never socialises with outside work.

He omitted the truth and that’s as
nasty as a lie

This is a good point. What made you look at one of his work colleagues instagram? Unless he was tagged in the post?

but what that poster lists… I wouldn’t want from a partner. So you’re presuming that all women want their men to do this.

Is his colleague gay? I’m not one for stereotypes as two men could go to a spa but the fact it was his wedding anniversary and he lied. Weird!

How depressing that women need to do this with some men!

Very very odd

I don't know if I would be gutted or furious, but it would sure be one of the two. I'm sorry he is such a wanker.

My first thoughts were he's gay. The fact his colleague posted it on instagram is very telling...

Well many men don’t go to a spa in the first instance.

If they do go (absolutely nothing wrong with it) then often they go with their partner or failing that a good mate or family or even alone.

They don’t tend to go with a colleague or someone they don’t supposedly know well.

I have no idea either way in this instance but it certainly is unusual. Doesn’t mean it wasn’t innocent but odd he would go with a colleague in the first instance, but very weird it was on their first anniversary when he must have known his wife would likely want to do something special and finally he was evasive about it which is very odd.

If the bloke isn't a good mate, why were you looking at his Instagram OP? I find that a bit odd too.

It seems a ridiculous leap but I'll admit to also wondering if he's gay 😳
He's not trust worthy, whatever his reasons for going. You are not his priority.
I'd be furious/very upset.

I wouldn’t really see issue with it as you said it was this week, so surely you’d be at work? Unless they did an evening spa (which is a bit unlikely?). Don’t most people have a meal together in the evening or do something at the weekend.

It is odd he had to lie about it though?