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Original poster

That DH went to a spa on our first wedding anniversary… but not with me?

239 replies

Haverviti · 29/08/2025 12:56

So DH and I have been married a year. Nothing fancy planned for our first anniversary as we’re not exactly flush right now, but I thought maybe a meal out, or even a takeaway and a bottle of wine at home, just something to mark it.

He told me earlier in the week he was going to be “busy” on the actual day. I assumed work stuff so I didn’t push it, thought maybe we’d celebrate the day after. Anyway… turns out he actually went on a spa day. With his mate from work.

I only found out because I saw the photos on said mate’s Instagram. When I asked DH about it he said it was a “last minute invite” and he didn’t think it was a big deal, plus he didn’t want to cancel on him. Then he told me I was being dramatic and that it’s “just a day” and we can celebrate another time.

I feel really gutted. It’s our first wedding anniversary, surely that’s something you prioritise? I wouldn’t have minded a really low key thing, I just feel like he chose to go off for a nice relaxing day with someone else instead of me. He genuinely can’t see what the problem is and says I’m overreacting.

AIBU to be upset about this???

OP posts:
Oscarsmom71 · 30/08/2025 17:59

If my husband did this he’d soon be my ex.
He’s lied to you about a day Whete he should have made an effort.
Also you found out through seeing his instagram?
He didn’t care about your feelings.

Thulpelly · 30/08/2025 17:58

A random spa day his mate from work booked him and he lied about… and got defensive when you found out…and it was on your first ever anniversary..

…hopefully your alarm bells are ringing because this is SO weird

ns87 · 30/08/2025 17:53

This sounds bad, surely he must be gay?

Lovehascomeandgone · 30/08/2025 17:42

Trust me when I say this is a sign of things to come. Don’t waste your time, get out now.

Kurkara · 30/08/2025 10:27

Norwayway · 29/08/2025 14:36

He’s basically pushing you to end it.
honestly he knows this is beyond shitty behaviour and he’s doing everything to show you who he really is x

Ah - now this is the first thing I have read that makes some sense of this truly bizarre situation.
Is it possible @Haverviti that your husband wants out of your marriage but doesn't have the balls to do it himself? If you look back over the last year has he been doing increasingly unreasonable things? That might push you to go nuclear, so you look like the bad guy who ended it all?

PorcelainBlueCorydalis · 30/08/2025 08:41

When I asked DH about it he said it was a “last minute invite” and he didn’t think it was a big deal, plus he didn’t want to cancel on him

How is it both a last minute invite and a 'didn't want to cancel on him'?

VikingsandDragons · 30/08/2025 08:39

In ten years time when you're going through a messy divorce and the scales have well and truly fallen this will be a moment you remember: 'How did I not realise what he was like when on our first anniversary he booked a spa day - but without me!'

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 30/08/2025 07:48

I would go nuclear in him op. At best it's just downright inconsiderate and insulting. He actively chose to spend your bedding anniversary with someone else and appears to have put zero effort in for you. Did he do anything to mark the occasion? If you don't want this to be precedent then speak up and make ignoring it the painful option.

sandwichlover93 · 30/08/2025 07:41

Happyher · 29/08/2025 13:28

I don’t think men take birthdays, anniversaries etc., as seriously as women do. It’s just a day. Celebrate on a different day

this is a huge generalisation and let’s men get away with shit behaviour. Don’t dismiss OP’s feelings

ParmaVioletTea · 30/08/2025 07:34

The lying is what’s not right.

healthybychristmas · 30/08/2025 07:18

So a couple of men who don't usually socialise go to an all day spa together and one of them posts about it on social media? That's so weird on all levels. It sounds as though they are in a relationship. Have you checked out the place they went to? What treatments did they have?

SunnyD4ys · 30/08/2025 06:44

Id be worried about the future of the marriage more than the missed anniversary

Two straight male not really friends co workers going for a spa day is simply not a thing, have you seen any other signs he might be gay or bisexual?

Tablesandchairs23 · 30/08/2025 06:14

I'd be really upset. It's very suspicious. Sounds like he could be gay. Or he's incredibly selfish.

SadTimesInFife · 30/08/2025 05:26

He's gay. Or just selfish. Either way....not great.

MayaPinion · 30/08/2025 05:18

Even if it was a spa day, aren’t they normally finished by about 5 or 6pm? Wouldn’t he have been home in time to celebrate anyway? Did he stay over?

NorthernMum2021 · 29/08/2025 19:49

I wouldn't mind the spa day but I would mind the random cover up! Why didn't he just tell you?

RealEagle · 29/08/2025 19:26

Fairyvocals · 29/08/2025 19:19

Is the spa called Chariots?

This made me laugh think they are all closed now

Fairyvocals · 29/08/2025 19:19

Is the spa called Chariots?

PInkyStarfish · 29/08/2025 18:40

A spa day with a male friend?

oh come on!

https://youtube.com/shorts/gLrku1qTjrM

Createausername1970 · 29/08/2025 18:37

I booked tickets for me and a friend to see my favourite band. The date rang a bell but I couldn't remember why.

It was DH who pointed out why the date was familiar 😂. Our first wedding anniversary.

It's let him off the hook ever since.... And I still can't remember the date!

However, mine was a genuine oversight, I didn't do it surreptitiously or behind his back. So, in your shoes I wouldn't be happy with the way he went about it.

BellissimoGecko · 29/08/2025 18:31

So you haven’t got much money and he went on a spa day?!

Is he gay?? You really don’t get many men at spas with their mates.

he was totally U to lie to you, not tell you his plans, and to prioritise his mate over you. Very hurtful.

mintydoggyv · 29/08/2025 18:16

Ilovepastafortea · 29/08/2025 18:09

I'd be fucking fuming!

First he lied which is a definite issue. Secondly he had a jolly without you, and thirdly, you say money is a bit tight yet he spent money on a spa. On your 1st anniversary FFS! That man would be lucky if he had sex with me for 6 months while I considered if I wanted to stay married to him.

I'd have expected him to have kept our first wedding anniversary free to spend time with me - even if it's just a frozen pizza & cheap bottle of wine in front of a DVD.

What a selfish bastard. 😡

My DH has always (over 40 years married) made sure that we spend our anniversary together & do something special.

Not worth keeping , is this the start of something nasty, divorce is the only way

Ilovepastafortea · 29/08/2025 18:09

I'd be fucking fuming!

First he lied which is a definite issue. Secondly he had a jolly without you, and thirdly, you say money is a bit tight yet he spent money on a spa. On your 1st anniversary FFS! That man would be lucky if he had sex with me for 6 months while I considered if I wanted to stay married to him.

I'd have expected him to have kept our first wedding anniversary free to spend time with me - even if it's just a frozen pizza & cheap bottle of wine in front of a DVD.

What a selfish bastard. 😡

My DH has always (over 40 years married) made sure that we spend our anniversary together & do something special.

TwoTuesday · 29/08/2025 17:49

You're definitely not being unreasonable. If he'd forgotten and booked something else, the normal thing to do is say to your mate "oh sorry its actually my first wedding anniversary, I can't do our thing after all" and celebrate with your wife. Being so secretive about it as well is really weird. Could he not have changed the date of the spa day? Or his mate given his place to you even?

sciaticafanatica · 29/08/2025 17:48

He is either gay or he has such disrespect for your marriage that spending the day with a work colleague was better than you!