That DH went to a spa on our first wedding anniversary… but not with me?

My god what a prick

Thanks everyone, it’s actually really validating to read your replies. I was sat here thinking maybe I was making too much of it, but clearly not.

To answer a couple of points - yes it was definitely a male workmate, I’ve met him before. They’re not especially close so that’s why it felt so weird. Like who randomly books a spa day with someone they don’t even see outside of work normally??

And yes, the lying/cover up bit is what’s really bothering me now. If he’d just said “X invited me to this spa thing, do you mind if I go?” I would still have been hurt but at least we could have talked about it. Instead I was led to believe he was just busy with work and then stumbled across it on Instagram.

We were together 3 years before getting married and he’s never done anything quite like this before, although he can be a bit thoughtless sometimes. I’m just floored that he didn’t see the importance of our first anniversary.

Thanks everyone, it’s actually really validating to read your replies. I was sat here thinking maybe I was making too much of it, but clearly not.

To answer a couple of points - yes it was definitely a male workmate, I’ve met him before. They’re not especially close so that’s why it felt so weird. Like who randomly books a spa day with someone they don’t even see outside of work normally??

And yes, the lying/cover up bit is what’s really bothering me now. If he’d just said “X invited me to this spa thing, do you mind if I go?” I would still have been hurt but at least we could have talked about it. Instead I was led to believe he was just busy with work and then stumbled across it on Instagram.

We were together 3 years before getting married and he’s never done anything quite like this before, although he can be a bit thoughtless sometimes. I’m just floored that he didn’t see the importance of our first anniversary.

So DH and I have been married a year. Nothing fancy planned for our first anniversary as we’re not exactly flush right now, but I thought maybe a meal out, or even a takeaway and a bottle of wine at home, just something to mark it.

He told me earlier in the week he was going to be “busy” on the actual day. I assumed work stuff so I didn’t push it, thought maybe we’d celebrate the day after. Anyway… turns out he actually went on a spa day. With his mate from work.

I only found out because I saw the photos on said mate’s Instagram. When I asked DH about it he said it was a “last minute invite” and he didn’t think it was a big deal, plus he didn’t want to cancel on him. Then he told me I was being dramatic and that it’s “just a day” and we can celebrate another time.

I feel really gutted. It’s our first wedding anniversary, surely that’s something you prioritise? I wouldn’t have minded a really low key thing, I just feel like he chose to go off for a nice relaxing day with someone else instead of me. He genuinely can’t see what the problem is and says I’m overreacting.

AIBU to be upset about this???

I’ve been married for 50 years and we’ve only celebrated our anniversary a few times. Either we both forgot or one or other of us was working.
However, I’ve never allowed OH to forget my birthday.
A lot of the replies here seem to be actively encouraging you to end your marriage, whereas I expect your OH made an arrangement without realising it was his wedding anniversary and then didn’t want to back down.
If your relationship is good in every other respect, give the guy another chance.

So DH and I have been married a year. Nothing fancy planned for our first anniversary as we’re not exactly flush right now, but I thought maybe a meal out, or even a takeaway and a bottle of wine at home, just something to mark it.

He told me earlier in the week he was going to be “busy” on the actual day. I assumed work stuff so I didn’t push it, thought maybe we’d celebrate the day after. Anyway… turns out he actually went on a spa day. With his mate from work.

I only found out because I saw the photos on said mate’s Instagram. When I asked DH about it he said it was a “last minute invite” and he didn’t think it was a big deal, plus he didn’t want to cancel on him. Then he told me I was being dramatic and that it’s “just a day” and we can celebrate another time.

I feel really gutted. It’s our first wedding anniversary, surely that’s something you prioritise? I wouldn’t have minded a really low key thing, I just feel like he chose to go off for a nice relaxing day with someone else instead of me. He genuinely can’t see what the problem is and says I’m overreacting.

AIBU to be upset about this???

Completely different scenario than the one the OP posted.

You haven't done it, just talked about it.

The person is your best mate, not a supposedly barely known colleague.

It sounds like it would be a carefully planned trip if it happened.

So please let me know how this relates to OP's situation in any way, shape or form.

My best mate (of 25 years) and I have semi-seriously joked about it before, suggesting that we could go for 3-4 days of R&R at a spa or retreat. Might be something we do eventually for the mental health boost. We’re both straight and happily married but I can guess it might look odd from outside.

Are you sure this isn't staged by the mate, on insta and he was actually with another woman or something??

It seems like a really odd thing for two men to do

So DH and I have been married a year. Nothing fancy planned for our first anniversary as we’re not exactly flush right now, but I thought maybe a meal out, or even a takeaway and a bottle of wine at home, just something to mark it.

He told me earlier in the week he was going to be “busy” on the actual day. I assumed work stuff so I didn’t push it, thought maybe we’d celebrate the day after. Anyway… turns out he actually went on a spa day. With his mate from work.

I only found out because I saw the photos on said mate’s Instagram. When I asked DH about it he said it was a “last minute invite” and he didn’t think it was a big deal, plus he didn’t want to cancel on him. Then he told me I was being dramatic and that it’s “just a day” and we can celebrate another time.

I feel really gutted. It’s our first wedding anniversary, surely that’s something you prioritise? I wouldn’t have minded a really low key thing, I just feel like he chose to go off for a nice relaxing day with someone else instead of me. He genuinely can’t see what the problem is and says I’m overreacting.

AIBU to be upset about this???