To ask for pithy but classy comeback for SIL?

She'll often do that disengenous shit where she disparages herself (god, I'm just feeling such a heifer atm) when she knows that my comparative are much worse.

I would just lean into this briefly, then move briskly on… ‘So sorry to hear you’re struggling, Denise <pause> any nice trips or holidays planned?’

Anything about your weight, if there’s a hint of a compliment, ‘Thank you Denise <pause> any nice trips or holidays planned?’ If it’s shady, I’d just give a non-committal hmm and change the subject.

Love this.

Perhaps first, get her to repeat it.

'sorry, I didn't catch that, can you repeat it?'

I find getting people to repeat things is pretty powerful.

then the little smile

Ugh, people like this really wind me up. I know one who only comments on how I look when I feel I’m wearing something lovely and feeling good. Then she will say “you look tired, are you ok?” I just ostentatiously change the subject.

This one is good!

You could always channel Maggie Smith in Downton Abbey:

”Do stop obsessing about body weight, Sandra. It’s so very middle class”

Whatever snarky comment your SIL comes out with regarding your weight just say:

"Oh my goodness what a coincidence! I have just started studying psychoanalysis, and what you have just said validates the current area I am studying. Please do excuse me whilst I just take down some brief notes......"

And then walk off with a little notebook and pen in hand 😂

I would get her in her head so reply that she's not looking herself really and leave her wondering.

If she says she feels fat just say it’s okay, there’s more of you to love with a head tilt and tinkly laugh.

I think I would pat her hand and simply say 'never mind'

Just look at her. Blink and continue to look at her. Don't respond with words.

Her: You look well.
You: So do you! (Immediate segue into asking about her job / kids / hobby / whatever).

Her: I feel so FAT.
You: Your new haircut looks great though! (Immediate segue etc). Don't contradict her, don't let her see she bugs you.

Yes. Channel your inner Paxman. A withering look and a sympathetic smile. Maybe a "are you alright Val? You seem a little obsessed with this".

I tend to go the "how do you mean/i don't understand" route myself. It's like encouraging the person to elaborate on what they are saying, dig themselves into a deeper hole. Without saying much yourself, they then seem to realise that they sound a complete tit and become embarrassed. Hopefully. At which point you just walk away.

👆 First response absolutely nails it. No other words needed.

'god, I'm just feeling such a heifer atm'
'aw well... I didn't want to say anything as mentioning peoples weight is rude!'

Yes, very good.

I'd first make her repeat anything rude she says. "Sorry, can you say that again?" Hopefully just that will embarrass her in itself.

And then "Oh gosh you really did say that. Oh dear."

This response is perfect....do not let her comments 'hook you in'....acknowledge in a very breezy/vague and brief way and move on. Have some general responses pre prepared.

If you bother to respond at all you could feign concern that her own confidence seems so low and move quickly on to prevent her from responding.

"oh sweetie, don't be hard on yourself, at our age its hard to control your weight and it just really shows on some people. I'm sure you can lose it again"

I would pretend I had no idea she wasn't being completely sincere. If she compliments you say something like "ah thank you so much, a lot of people have been saying that recently but it's always nice to hear!" With a huge smile. She'll absolutely hate it but there's nothing she can do - she can hardly say "actually I didn't mean it!"

It's also the easiest way to react because you don't have to think of specific witty comments in the heat of the moment, just react as you would if your dh or mum or best friend gave you a compliment. If you can get your hair/nails done or wear a nice outfit that you feel confident in even better.

Same if she insults herself - whatever you do don't play into it and give it "no you don't, you look lovely!" Either just say something non-committal like "aw we all have days like that sometimes" or go harder "sil I can't help but notice you always make very negative comments about yourself. Is everything okay?"

Or even full blown "sil, you talk about your weight so much. None of my friends or colleagues ever talk about it as much as you. Is everything okay?" If she says "yes of course" "Well can we talk about anything else then? I don't want to call you boring but weve known each other for x years and I hardly know anything about your job/your interests/your thoughts on (topical issue)....surely there must be something more interesting we can talk about?"

Then everytime she brings it up you can just smile and raise an eyebrow and she'll know you're judging her for being a boring loser with nothing better to talk about -will hurt her far more than being thought of as a bitch!

I get it.
My brain is slow.
If she says anything, it'll be a good reason to never speak to her again.
Don't worry about her, you've worked so hard, my Dsis put back on 2 at the start but has maintained it years now.

In ear shot of everyone: "Hey Suzie, can you send me your Mounjaro link?" She'll hopefully look horrified and say "I'm not on Mounjaro" you can respond with "oh my bad, I could've sworn someone told you were on the weight loss injections!" Hopefully this will show a seed in everyone else's head and stop her from banging on about weight loss quite so much.

Ah, yes.

SIL sounds awful.

I'm confused too. 🫣

“Were you pretty in high school? It just seems like you’re trying to turn the clock back to a better time”

I am unapologetically a comeback bitch.