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Original poster

To ask for pithy but classy comeback for SIL?

233 replies

YoYoYoYoSigh · 29/08/2025 10:43

I've always struggled with my weight. I'm currently 8.5 stone down, up from 11 stone down 12 months ago 😬.

My not-darling-SIL is obsessed with weight and body image small talk.

I hardly see her, but there's a family event soon and I know one of the first things she'll mention is some sort of snide comment on how well I look. To clarify, she's not the type to give a compliment, only a back handed compliment. She'll often do that disengenous shit where she disparages herself (god, I'm just feeling such a heifer atm) when she knows that my comparative are much worse. It's all done to make me feel shit. And it hurts but I'm trying to change my mindset to she her as tedious.

So she'll definitely mention my/her weight when we meet to draw attention to my struggles and to unsettle me.

I want to go high and stay classy, but I also want her to subtly know that I know her game.

Is there any approach I can take that won't be inappropriate in a celebration setting.

I'm stronger now thanks menopause (ex people pleaser/ feelings smotherer) but I'm still letting her niggles have power over me. 🥲

OP posts:
FairKoala · 29/08/2025 13:33

She'll often do that disengenous shit where she disparages herself (god, I'm just feeling such a heifer atm)

Probably because I have ADHD and most likely ASD I don’t get this NT deprecating stuff and would probably look her up and down and agree that her thighs/stomach/bum is looking a bit podge. I have been told afterwards that someone was upset with what I said and have been very confused why because I was actually agreeing with her.

Thing is they never did it again

CinnamonCinnabar · 29/08/2025 13:32

The problem with a mean come back (and all of the suggestions I've read come across as deliberately unpleasant) is that you risk simply being unpleasant to someone who wasn't talking about you.
I've seen this in real life - friend A with weight struggles couldn't cope with friend B talking about her weight issues - and B was definitely only talking about herself and has had weight issues since teens.

HairsprayBabe · 29/08/2025 13:28

‘I‘m such a heifer’

Yes I thought you had piled a few pounds on, have you tried a juice cleanse?

"YoYo you are looking well"

Cheers! I guess one of us had time to get ready today — and it wasn’t you

Comedycook · 29/08/2025 13:25

How's she your sil? Is she your dh sister? Or your brother's wife? If it's the former I'd say a cheerful "thanks, your brother can't get enough of me in the sack" wink wink...that should shut her up.

mnahmnah · 29/08/2025 13:23

‘Ooh, I think we can manage more intelligent conversation than that, can’t we Wendy?’

rwalker · 29/08/2025 13:23

stanspan · 29/08/2025 11:01

Comments like that should be met with silence.

She’ll want a response but don’t give her one. Silence will annoy her because she can’t gauge how the comment has affected you which is what her aim would be.

It’s really satisfying to be indifferent to someone like that and they pick up on your indifference. It gives you back power.

100% this and a very obvious change of subject

classy digs and comebacks can quite often Back fire and you end up looking a twat

BunnyLake · 29/08/2025 13:23

Clarinet1 · 29/08/2025 10:51

It may not be quite what you’re looking for but, when she says she looks awful I’d just say “Yes you do, don’t you?”

Love this 😁

You could add some faux concern is she feeling ok as she looks very tired.

Marylou2 · 29/08/2025 13:22

JimJonesLivesInMyHead · 29/08/2025 10:54

Make a SIL bingo card with all her usual phrases on it and every time she says one pull it out in front of her and say "yeeeeesss almost a full house!"

God I'd have so much fun....

Oh absolutely. Was just about to say this. DD made a hilarious bingo card for a Christmas visit to boyfriends mum. Had all sorts of her random nonsense on it. Your SIL isn't going to change, you just have laugh that she's so tragic.

Fionasapples · 29/08/2025 13:20

"I'm so glad I don't worry about looks and body image any more. I was never obsessed, like some people, but still, I'm above all that now. I have grown up!"
(the last sentence said with a silly,annoying, tinkly laugh).

NachoChip · 29/08/2025 13:18

As kindly and softly as you can...."SIL, I weigh more than you and feel really happy with myself, whereas you mention weight a lot. I'm quite concerned by how low in confidence you must be about your looks. How can we help you? You look great honestly, you have nothing to worry about. I mean, your skin is a bit dry and I know a great colourist who could take a look at that hair, would that help in any way? It's all things we can work on".

cittykat · 29/08/2025 13:18
  • “You’re far too clever/interesting/fun to waste chat on the scales.”
  • “Thanks—what makes you say that?”
  • “I’ve learned to keep conversations about bodies short—life’s too interesting.”
  • “Anyway, today’s about [the host / the occasion], not our waistlines.”
Lefthandedkitty · 29/08/2025 13:16

When faced with a situation like this, my Mum (who was a very classy lady) would let a few seconds of silence pass, and say "its been a funny sort of a day ..."
That killed it.

OhHellolittleone · 29/08/2025 13:15

OhBumBags · 29/08/2025 11:05

Just roll your eyes and don't engage.

Engaging with her is encouraging a conversation, so if that's not what you want, grey rocking is the best way to go.

Yeh if you can this would be great. Obvious eye role, take a breath, smile and change the subject.

cinnamonbunlover · 29/08/2025 13:14

“You don’t look that bad. Must be the change in season. “

”I’m getting having a clear out of you need any clothes. Have a lovely xxxx it would suit you and a xxxxx”

”aw I know you - you’ll soon lose it! Get back into those Christmas party dresses and the festive indulgences and start all over again in January”

“oh no -why’s that then? “

“You’re like me -far too fond of cake”

cinnamonbunlover · 29/08/2025 13:08

Titasaducksarse · 29/08/2025 12:40

Just look at her. Blink and continue to look at her. Don't respond with words.

with a slightly open mouth

BerryTwister · 29/08/2025 13:07

As soon as she says something, shout out to the room “OK, who had 8 minutes”.

Seriously though, I would just smile and not say anything. If someone is trying to wind you up, there’s nothing that annoys them more than silence.

DavAtTheCampaignForMoreBankHolidays · 29/08/2025 13:06

Her - Im feeling so frumpy/fat/unpleasant
You - I can tell you're feeling like that, it does show. I can give you some tips to help you feel great. They worked for me so Im sure they'll help you too.
[Sweet smile]

KaitlynnFairchild · 29/08/2025 13:05

When she comments about her own supposed weight gain just reply -

"Yes, I noticed, is it the menopause? Its so difficult isn't it"

MasterBeth · 29/08/2025 13:05

YYYDlilah · 29/08/2025 11:14

She'll often do that disengenous shit where she disparages herself (god, I'm just feeling such a heifer atm) when she knows that my comparative are much worse.
Answer 'Oh you don't look that bad.'

This is the winner.

The only answer on the thread that's actually pithy and witty.

Gymnopediegivesmethewillies · 29/08/2025 13:04

Silence speaks volumes. Let her wittering hang in silence for an uncomfortably long time and then say something like “I’m going to get a drink, you?”

Or if you really want to make a point, after the silence, say “on that note…” and walk away

Muffsies · 29/08/2025 13:04

FriendlyGreenAlien · 29/08/2025 12:54

Ugh, people like this really wind me up. I know one who only comments on how I look when I feel I’m wearing something lovely and feeling good. Then she will say “you look tired, are you ok?” I just ostentatiously change the subject.

Id say, "you must have that effect on me!"

MsSmartShoes · 29/08/2025 13:00

Next time she plays the “i’m such a heifer” game - reply “I noticed you’d put a little bit of weight on - it suits you!” and smile warmly.

littlefireseverywhere · 29/08/2025 12:59

catgirl1976 · 29/08/2025 10:45

“You know Susie, I do find it strange that someone else’s weight takes up so much space in your head. Are you quite alright?”

This is perfect. My MIL is weight obsessed & I just want a to turn round to her & tell her to F off. However this is a brilliant response.

Dancingsquirrels · 29/08/2025 12:59

latetothefisting · 29/08/2025 12:20

I would pretend I had no idea she wasn't being completely sincere. If she compliments you say something like "ah thank you so much, a lot of people have been saying that recently but it's always nice to hear!" With a huge smile. She'll absolutely hate it but there's nothing she can do - she can hardly say "actually I didn't mean it!"

It's also the easiest way to react because you don't have to think of specific witty comments in the heat of the moment, just react as you would if your dh or mum or best friend gave you a compliment. If you can get your hair/nails done or wear a nice outfit that you feel confident in even better.

Same if she insults herself - whatever you do don't play into it and give it "no you don't, you look lovely!" Either just say something non-committal like "aw we all have days like that sometimes" or go harder "sil I can't help but notice you always make very negative comments about yourself. Is everything okay?"

Or even full blown "sil, you talk about your weight so much. None of my friends or colleagues ever talk about it as much as you. Is everything okay?" If she says "yes of course" "Well can we talk about anything else then? I don't want to call you boring but weve known each other for x years and I hardly know anything about your job/your interests/your thoughts on (topical issue)....surely there must be something more interesting we can talk about?"

Then everytime she brings it up you can just smile and raise an eyebrow and she'll know you're judging her for being a boring loser with nothing better to talk about -will hurt her far more than being thought of as a bitch!

Edited

I like this approach

"witty comebacks" tend to backfire as you just seem like a bitch. Classy is the way to go

3pears · 29/08/2025 12:58

sil: god I am such a heifer at the moment
you: never mind. Putting weight on is always a good excuse to buy some new clothes

you could add in a little disparaging glance at her clothes if you wanted to go the extra mile

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