To ask for pithy but classy comeback for SIL?

I love being disingenuous in these situations.

"Gosh I think you look amazing! Isn't it so nice when women lift each other up rather than try to put each other down. It's so insecure and petty." Then smile only with my mouth, not my eyes.

Well bless your heart....

I'd actually almost feel sorry for the poor cow, needing so desperately to put others down to make herself feel good.

Don't sink to that level. You don't need to.

Not sure how a puzzled look = hurt but there you go.

My point was to not engage. Don't play the game (play stupid games, win stupid prizes).

Let her crack on while you sail, smoothly, serenely unbothered, away.

Say “I can recommend X method, SIL. It worked wonders for me!”

Don’t. Just don’t. Rehearsed ‘witty’ comebacks are invariably anything but (and nor do they tend to be delivered with the necessary confidence), and what happens when she’s got her own comeback and you’ll have to think on your feet? She’s practiced in passive aggressive digs, you’re not.

Besides, taking up as player two by engaging in the same game only demonstrates to her that she’s successfully needled you, which is exactly what she was aiming to do. She won’t be shut down, she’ll be delighted.

If you do want to address it then do so directly and plainly.

How on earth would that help?! A puzzled & concerned look is also a hurt look which is what she’s looking for!

I think this is the best answer (haven’t got to the end yet!) but while you’re talking to her, - before you’re talking to her - carefully visualise her as three inches tall and squeaking away when she speaks. It really helps.

That’s a very fab comeback, please use it!

Id be a real cow and ask if she has an earring disorder, probably massively appalling to say, but might finally shut her up.

I would do this too, it shows that you see through her comments and are loosing patience with her

‘You’ve obviously given this more thought than me’.

“I’m sorry to hear that you’re so unhappy with how you look, please let me know if you would like any support.”

Take all her comments at face value OP and treat them as such. Pretend you cannot infer anything from what she says.

Straight bat, don’t get into passive aggrsssive tit for tat.

She compliments you: smile politely and just say thank you. And change subject
She does a self deprecating thing “you look fine” change subject.

She starts on about her latest ground walnut detox diet or how much she does or doesn’t weigh “oh, ok, I don’t really think about anyone’s diets / weight anymore ..” change subject

She presses and makes snarky comment or tries to engage “ I’m the wrong audience for this subject “ change subject

if she still presses: “I’m doing well with my own approach and have stopped focussing on weight and anyone’s opinions. mine, yours, St Francis of Assisi and ChatGp included “ change subject.

And get the ‘middle relative’ , your sibling of your DH to say “give it a rest, SIM”

Tilted head: Oh dear SIL, do you still have those self esteem issues? DH and I do worry about you. Have you thought of talking to a good therapist about this?

Or “sorry, did you say something? I wasn’t listening” big smile, walk away.

Pat her hand and say “bless you” with a confused expression then walk away.

‘What happened in your childhood to make you so critical of others? There’s a lot to unpack, would you like me recommend a therapist, I know someone brilliant who could definitely help you’ = you are a headcase.

“So… what do you think about the situation with NATO expansion?”

Miaow - have a saucer of milk, SIL.

Not original or classy, sorry!

My mother does this to me. It annoys the crap out of me, but she is a good person who loves me and wants me to feel good about myself - despite her nonsense. Are you sure its coming from a bad place?? With my mother its her own insecurities around weight - borderline obsession - and complete ineptness.

She is very skinny now, unhealthily so - I am a curvy hourglass, BMI 22. So im fine - far from perfect - but pretty happy. She constantly weighs herself, eats like a sparrow and talks about others weight gain all the time. I always try and change the subject. But she says something a lot that boils my piss. She often says, 'Oh magictits, what I have always loved about you - like your cousin charlotte (who is overweight), you don't care about your weight, its so refreshing'. I like to think this is ineptness, but i just don't know. Its so rude. Anyway, I used to shrug it off and change the subject, now I say, 'well why would I, im a perfectly healthy weight'. Ive said it firmly for about a year now, and every time she says, 'oh god you are soooo sensitive'. (grrr).

Anyway, can you do what I do and look behind her behaviour (is she genuinely trying to hurt you or is she just inept?) and just respond to literally everything she says weight related with ,'yes Im really happy with my weight'. Firm and calm. Then change the subject.

People are dicks about weight for a multitude of reasons. Don't let it ruin your family time OP.

Say something like 'Not this again. Can we talk about something else.

'Kerrrching, Susie! I bet (DH's name) £100 that the first thing you'd mention when you saw me was my weight. Thank you for being so tediously predictable.' Big smile, tinkly laugh and move swiftly on.

Killing with kindness works well for me in this type of scenario.
‘You think I’ve lost weight? Oh wow, thank you, I’ve been trying, but it’s so kind of you to notice - I’m just feeling so much healthier and happier!’
Make her think she’s made you feel proud and happy - especially if she actually wants the opposite effect.

My SIL is exactly the same, she's very slim and I'm a lot bigger but she rattles on and on about her 'huge saggy arse' etc etc whilst staring at me waiting for me to tell her how slim she is and how big I am. Instead I say stuff like 'yeah I see what you mean', it shuts her right up and she can't really argue with me if I'm agreeing with her.

My instinct with people like this is to say out loud and cheerfully whatever it is that they are saying in an underhand manner:

"Yes you're right! I am fat, and your weight is just right!" "Yes, your kids are much better behaved than mine, and they do so well in school too!" "You are always saying your house is messy, but you know that you are actually really clean and tidy and I am pretty filthy!"

If you are direct and good humoured about this, it wrong foots them.