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AIBU?

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Original poster

To tell my husband to stop saying this?

512 replies

cittykat · 29/08/2025 07:48

my 9 year old son is a massive cat lover. He has cat slippers, tshirts, pens etc etc. I got him some cat pyjamas. These ones. https://amzn.to/45XnCwa

my husband (son’s dad) keeps telling him that he has to stop wearing them as they are girls’ pyjamas.

my son has said to him “please can you stop calling them girls’ pyjamas” and my husband says that he will be bullied if his friends see him wearing them. I have pointed out that the only one bullying him is his own father.

my husband says that telling him that they’re girls’ and not appropriate is not bullying it’s “parenting”

my husband thinks the shorts on the pyjamas are too short. Like little hot pants. Sometimes when son is lounging on the sofa they ride up and some bum cheek is visible. This angers husband and starts him off on his “girls’ pyjamas” conversation again.

son likes the pyjamas. I said I would ask on here what people thought. Please vote.

YANBU - your husband should stop calling them “girls’ pyjamas” to your son and back off

YABU - your son shouldn’t wear the pyjamas and your husband is right to protect him from future bullying if son’s friends saw the pyjamas on a sleepover.

OP posts:
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12
BeanQuisine · 29/08/2025 13:06

Sounds like your husband is completely useless as a parent and perhaps you ought to consider why you tolerate him.

popcornandpotatoes · 29/08/2025 12:58

I'm most intrigued by the argument that if a bum cheek is hanging out they must be for girls. Why is it okay for a 9 year old girls butt cheek to be visible but not a boys? I would ask him more about that because the undertones of that belief are a bit disturbing

UnintentionalArcher · 29/08/2025 12:54

cittykat · 29/08/2025 07:53

Husband dislikes the pyjamas because the shorts are very short and to him the style should only be worn by girls. He would like a more full coverage short.

the difficulty is that it seems hard to find “boys” short sleeved summer pyjamas with a cat print. Otherwise I would have bought them in the first place. But truly I didn’t and still don’t see the problem so never occurred to me not to buy them. Son loves them.

Key points for your husband to understand:

  • He thinks short shorts are ok on little girls but not little boys. That is very, very concerning and he needs to think carefully about whether or not he really means this and let you know if it’s his true opinion or if he’s been caught up in damaging stereotypes and really hasn’t thought it through (you may need to take action if he does really believe that).
  • As others have said, gendered clothing (especially at that age when body differences are minimal) can be problematic anyway - while we’re not going to get away from centuries of social norms around this overnight, times are changing. I would suggest to you husband that he might want to reflect on his potentially outdated views of how males and females should dress because there’s no logic to what he says (unless of course he admits to you that he believes women and girls are lesser and exist to be objectified and should therefore have more skin on show - see my first point).
  • Regarding concerns about bullying, while bullies will find any and every reason to bully if they want to, I would suggest that the concerns your husband is expressing about what said bullies might hone in on are quite outdated. In my experience as a teacher, one area where most children and young people are now very very accepting and open-minded is around gender and its signifiers, such as clothing. He’s probably basing his judgement on what would’ve happened when he was at school and more retrograde ideas about male and female dressing were around. (Though of course not many other children will see your child in his pyjamas so there’s that hole in his logic that’s also worth pointing out).

Ultimately, the manufacturer labels these as girls’ pyjamas because there’s a whole industry based around categorising clothes based on gender, built upon stereotypes. Your husband needs to try to learn to see beyond that and reflect on his own possibly outdated views.

BarnyardMama · 29/08/2025 12:46

Pre-war women weren't allowed to wear pants because they were 'boys clothes' and we all realise now how ridiculous that was. Clothes are clothes. Let the kid wear what he wants and for the record my husband's favourite swim shorts are very short and pink and no one's having a go at him about it 🙄 My sons two favourite t-shirts are a green football shirt and a pink t-shirt with a wave on it, I can't believe people are still making an issue out of this in 2025, tell him to get a grip and reassure your son there's nothing wrong with it, he shouldn't be judged on his clothing especially in his own home.

AhBiscuits · 29/08/2025 12:44

Your husband is a cunt.

Namechange846 · 29/08/2025 12:43

Waitingfordoggo · 29/08/2025 11:01

I don’t get why people are obsessing over the fact the item is labelled as ‘girls pyjamas’. That’s what the retailer and/or manufacturer has decided to label them as- purely for marketing reasons. It obviously doesn’t mean that only girls can wear them.

I have female friends with large feet who buy trainers labelled as ‘men’s trainers’. They are still able to physically wear the trainers- their reproductive system does not make it impossible. Nor do the clothing police arrest them for wearing them.

I have a very small friend who is lucky enough to be able to buy tax-free children’s clothing to wear. When she takes her items to the till, no one asks her for proof of age. She is able to physically wear these clothes despite being in her 40s.

Really amused by the idea that people take marketing so literally.

This 👏

Why the hell does it matter what the label says?! The OP says her son likes them, that's all that matters. Agree with the PP who says that this sexist crap is fuelling the confusion over young people thinking they should be the opposite gender because what they like doesn't fit with archaic gender stereotypes.

And actually, they are PJs for going to bed in and possibly lounging around the house.... Does it really matter if they show part of his bottom? It's not like he's parading down the street in them.

My 9-year-old DD is autistic and has huge sensory issues with clothes. We haven't gone out today so far and she is currently playing in her PJ top and (shock horror) nothing else!

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 29/08/2025 12:36

Son can wear a pink nightie if he wants and should be safe to do so in the privacy of his own home which should be a safe space. I

ClawedButler · 29/08/2025 12:27

CeciliaDuckiePond · 29/08/2025 12:21

Your husband is a nincompoop.

That is a very fine word that deserves a resurgence.

landlordhell · 29/08/2025 12:26

CeciliaDuckiePond · 29/08/2025 12:21

Your husband is a nincompoop.

🤪

CeciliaDuckiePond · 29/08/2025 12:21

Your husband is a nincompoop.

Sunnyjac · 29/08/2025 12:19

Sometimes when son is lounging on the sofa they ride up and some bum cheek is visible. This angers husband and starts him off on his “girls’ pyjamas” conversation again.

I'm intrigued by the idea that your husband seems to think that showing bum cheek is a female thing. He sounds like he has very rigid and unhelpful views. I used to buy 'boy' clothes for my DD because that was the only way I could get her things with dinosaurs on. Your husband can have his concerns but it's the way he's addressing them that is the issue. He needs to stop framing it as boy and girl things and consider what his problem is. And stop bullying your son.

ClawedButler · 29/08/2025 12:14

Boys -and girls, for that matter- can wear whatever they damn well please.

Your husband's being a bully. Even if the lad wore a pink sparkly tutu, heels and a tiara, it's not going to make his willy drop off FFS.

There is no right or wrong way to be a boy. Only to be yourself, proudly! I think your son is a little hero (although I may be a bit biased as I too love all things cat-related).

spoonbillstretford · 29/08/2025 12:14

If my son wanted to wear pink spangly PJs I'm all for it. If he got bullied then we'd deal with that. Just like when DD1 wore shorts for school and had her hair in a bob and kept being called a boy.

Starfish1021 · 29/08/2025 12:12

Jesus, your son is 9 and your husband is an idiot. He needs to feel safe in his home to be himself. As you say he is literally the only one bullying your son.

Grammarnut · 29/08/2025 12:12

Look pretty boyish to me - I thought they must have pink kittens on them. Your DH is a sexist twerp. Tell him so and to stop making stupid remarks about gender conformity - we don't have to gender conform if we don't want to.

Funnywonder · 29/08/2025 12:02

Katherine9 · 29/08/2025 10:56

I think you've misunderstood. They are girly pjs and sold as such. The kid is wearing them because he likes cats, not because he's chosen to present a more feminine side to his nature (which is what the father and most likely others would interpret from his wearing them). OP should have found a more suitable pair of pjs that have cats on or at very least, replaced the shorts with something better fitting.

If the time comes that the kid wants to deliberately choose feminine clothing, so be it. But that's a different discussion because at the moment, the decision is based on liking cats and OP's poor shopping choices.

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I mean, seriously, ‘girly pjs’? I don’t think I have misunderstood. At all.

Lifestooshort71 · 29/08/2025 11:49

HRTWT
They're advertised by Amazon as girls' pyjamas .....at 9, do boys want to wear girls' pyjamas?

Springtimehere · 29/08/2025 11:49

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

ironflan · 29/08/2025 11:41

Personally think the PJ's are unisex.

Also if your son likes them, he likes them. Your husband is being a bit of a bully. What if your son turns out to be gay, well he's never going to come out to his dad is he? If he's being chastised by him over what he wears which is such a small issue. What he wears is no one else's business period, unless he is outside not wearing anything lol.

SummerFrog25 · 29/08/2025 11:37

RareLemur · 29/08/2025 11:27

They are cat pj's so pretty gender neutral IMO.
The only issue I would see is that the shorts are too short (My daughter prefers boy shorts for this reason as well, i have no idea why clothing manufacturers have different more revealing cut for girls). So that aspect of it I may take into account and keep top but change the bottoms.

But have you actually looked at the PJ!s??

They're not short short at all.

Epidote · 29/08/2025 11:37

You can buy cat theme t shirt and shorts and use it as pj's is the big deal is the length of the short.
My DD likes Minecraft stuff and in the absence of pj's I like with the theme on it, that was a solution.
Cats are love by boys and girls indistintily I cant see why they are girly stuff, not all the cats are hello kitty.
BTW your husband shouldn't been saying what he is saying.

SummerFrog25 · 29/08/2025 11:33

Rosscameasdoody · 29/08/2025 10:25

It’s actually quite depressing to see so many posters trying to twist what OP has said so they can accuse her DH of being some sort of perv. The trend towards picking up on ridiculous minutiae totally irrelevant to the point of the thread and running with it to the point of derailment will be the death of MN. AIBU has always been brutal, but it’s now getting to the point where the opportunity for reasonable debate is lost in a slew of anonymous keyboard warriors saying things they would never dare to utter to anyone face to face.

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Definitely!!

LittleBitofBread · 29/08/2025 11:33

Katherine9 · 29/08/2025 10:49

I think the Amazon description should be taken at face value. They aren't sold as unisex. And from what the OP has said, they don't sound appropriate. And to clarify, I don't think EITHER male or female children should have their bum cheeks visible. This issue could have been avoided if the OP had been more thoughtful in her purchase. They could have easily been returned when found to be too short/poorly fitting.

It actually looks like OP and the father are caught up in a power struggle and using their son as a way to score points against each other. Surely OP knew her partner wouldn't find the shorts appropriate but bought them anyway and encourages him to wear them. Then hopes for support on MN.

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You can 'sell' something any way you like. The question remains: why is the size/style/cut considered OK for one sex but not the other?
And they don't sound inappropriate. They just ride up a bit sometimes depending on how the son is sitting.