To tell my husband to stop saying this?

I think you've misunderstood. They are girly pjs and sold as such. The kid is wearing them because he likes cats, not because he's chosen to present a more feminine side to his nature (which is what the father and most likely others would interpret from his wearing them). OP should have found a more suitable pair of pjs that have cats on or at very least, replaced the shorts with something better fitting.

If the time comes that the kid wants to deliberately choose feminine clothing, so be it. But that's a different discussion because at the moment, the decision is based on liking cats and OP's poor shopping choices.

This. A quick google shows lots of similar designs for boys with longer shorts, or just get longer neutral shorts to go with the top. The comments dad is making should be to OP, out of earshot of the child. Or better still why doesn’t he take his son shopping for something similar and more appropriate if he objects so strongly.

@cittykat YANBU.

However.

Can I suggest that you go on Vinted, select girls' sleepwear, filter by size, and put the word "cat" in as a search term?

There is a plethora of pyjamas with cats on in size 9.

Your DH appears to be right that cat motifs seem to be marketed to girls (or at least, sellers on Vinted seem to think that pyjamas with cats on are for girls), but a lot of what is there is really very gender neutral.

Vinted is the place to find stuff if you're looking for a particular motif.

I absolutely agree. Everyone is generally fine with a girl exhibiting her ‘tomboy’ characteristics by wearing ‘boy’ clothes. But some folk seem to get themselves into a right old state about boys wearing ‘girl’ clothes. Because they’re punching down. Being soft instead of tough. Fucking hell. Are we really still here with all this shit?

Who cares if he wears cat pj's? If there is a genuine issue with the shorts being too revealing, whether worn by a girl or a boy, it's a design flaw. Just buy some plain coordinating shorts to wear with the top and ditch the useless ones.

I mean two of my three boys would refuse to wear them on the basis that they’re girls pyjamas. My third doesn’t give a shit about such nonsense and happily wears my Nike trackie trousers if his are in the wash (he’s 17) he doesn’t care what it’s labelled as (and these ones are labelled as women’s).

Your husband is the problem here.

I think the Amazon description should be taken at face value. They aren't sold as unisex. And from what the OP has said, they don't sound appropriate. And to clarify, I don't think EITHER male or female children should have their bum cheeks visible. This issue could have been avoided if the OP had been more thoughtful in her purchase. They could have easily been returned when found to be too short/poorly fitting.

It actually looks like OP and the father are caught up in a power struggle and using their son as a way to score points against each other. Surely OP knew her partner wouldn't find the shorts appropriate but bought them anyway and encourages him to wear them. Then hopes for support on MN.

Doesn't sound like bullying to me, just a father who doesn't want his kid to be picked on - as he definitely would have been, in DH's day.

Yeah, if DH was a bit more canny he wouldn't use terms like 'girl's pyjamas', even though that is literally how they're being marketed. And yeah, stupid him for not realising times have changed and it's not such a big deal for boys to wear clothes designated for girls these days.

But that said - can you not see past his choice of vocab, from which PPs are extrapolating all kinds of dated and toxic attitudes, to a father whose main concern is his son's wellbeing? Maybe you just need to explain to him that boys today do wear things that would have made them targets in the past, but are now more widespread and accepted.

Or is there more to it - an underlying resentment of DH that's come out in this bizarre accusation of bullying?

He didn’t say it was OK for a girl though did he ? The comment was aimed at the fact that they were designed for a girl, not that he would like to see a girl wearing them - just that they were inappropriate for a boy.

On Amazon they do a blue shirt with black cats on a piano. Could that be something he'd wear?

You and your husband need to deal with your differences of opinion without involving your child.
If you continue to disagree then a compromise would be to keep the top and wear it with different shorts.

How so ? There are a slew of comments here very clearly implying that OP’s DH is some sort of perv who objects to his DS’s bum cheek being exposed, but who wouldn’t mind seeing the same of his daughter. There’s absolutely nothing in OP’s post to suggest that, and yet here we are.

Not of being some sort of perv, of thinking that what he thinks of as too-short shorts are OK for girls but not boys. How on earth is that 'irrelevant' when his whole argument is that some things are okay for girls but not boys?

People are getting hysterical about a guy not liking his son wearing girl pjs that resemble 'little hot pants' then resorting to insults such as 'paedo' while arguing he needs to be more open minded. Seriously.

it’s not appropriate to send a child of either sex to a sleepover wearing ‘little hot pants’
The shorts, from the picture, are clearly not 'little hot pants'; that's what the OP says her husband called them. Hot pants are cut so short that they will never cover bum cheek; these ones sometimes ride up when her son is lounging in a particular way and show a bit of bum cheek. That's different.

Ask your husband why he hates women and girls and try to make his son to hate us as well! Because that is what he is teaching. He says that girls are bad and to be avoided at all cost because what they like is inferior. He is red pilling right now. And being a bully.

Why not buy the long pant version and hem them at a more suitable boxer length. Easy solution.

Alternatively, swap the shorts out for a longer boxer style short.

Sorry, 'clearly girl pjs' how? (and it's not because they're described as such on Amazon). It's a pair of shorts and a T-shirt. Is it because they have cats on them? If so, why is that for girls and boys? It's because the shorts are not long, why is that okay for girls but not for boys?

Your husband is so very wrong to behave like this towards your son.

However, you mentioned response to the pjs on a sleepover - it’s not appropriate to send a child of either sex to a sleepover wearing ‘little hot pants’ that don’t cover their bum fully. Surely you know that.

He didn’t say it was ok for girls to wear it though. I read the comment more that there was a clear distinction in the design and marketing, that they were meant for girls, and it wasn’t appropriate for DS to be wearing them. Whether or not he’d be OK with his DD wearing them hasn’t been clarified, only implied.

Agreed on this. No need for the paedo accusations at all. I think a lot of men would feel a bit awkward about seeing their son wearing what are clearly girl pjs. There's no suggestion he would find a girl doing this ok either. OP could have managed this better by keeping the top and finding alternative, more appropriate shorts.

I’d get my husband to explain why he thinks a girl wearing tiny bum-showing shorts would be ok, if it’s not ok for his son?

Yes, this, exactly. It's a bit disturbing.
And YANBU, obviously; he needs to give his head a wobble and have a think about sexism. Your son can wear what he wants. Good for him for standing up for himself and not buying his father's gendered nonsense.

I believe that this kind of behaviour is fuelling gender confusion in children. Someone tells a child that what they are wearing or doing is for children of the opposite sex, and then they start wondering about their gender. It needs to stop.

Yeah that's why I deleted my comment.

Actually that's not why I deleted it, I deleted it because I knew someone would comment what you have and it's more nuanced than that.

The question is should son be allowed to continue wearing them, and should DH stop bullying son over it now son has asked husband to stop mentioning it.

You obviously already know the answer to this.
So what are you going to do about your DH?