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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse a boob job after DH said mine are “wrecked” post DC4?

520 replies

Hoistraft · 28/08/2025 18:21

bit of background first. ive just had DC4 about 6 weeks ago. total shock, was on the pill and it failed. tbh DH wasnt exactly over the moon about it, hes been a bit grumpy about the whole thing and weve been snapping at each other more than usual. im knackered, breastfeeding round the clock, house looks like a bomb site and i dont even know what day it is half the time.

so yesterday i was getting changed and he just comes out with “you should think about getting your boobs done, they’re a bit wrecked now after 4 kids”. i laughed it off at first but then he said he was serious and that “it would be good for both of us” if i sorted them. he keeps saying he’s only being honest and that it’s not a big deal these days.

i feel really rubbish now. yes theyre not what they were at 20 but i grew and fed 4 children with them and atm i actually think my body deserves a medal not a surgeon. im exhausted, hormonal and the last thing on my mind is cosmetic surgery. but part of me is wondering if im letting myself go and maybe hes right?

AIBU to flat out refuse or is it selfish to just expect him to accept me as i am now?

OP posts:
Imisscoffee2021 · 29/08/2025 18:47

What a vile prick. How can he not see what women go through with a wife whose had FOUR children? Is he dense??

If you want to augment a bit then you do it, not because he's said anything. And you absolutely do not need to, his comment "good for both of us" sounds like hes letting his own thoughts on your breasts affect your relationship already, gross.

You deserve a grovelling apology.

Vynalbob · 29/08/2025 18:44

Sometimes what some people that look and seem like human beings do make me wonder if other creatures are among us just trying yet failing to blend in.

Pessismistic · 29/08/2025 18:43

What a cheeky fucking twat your dh is. mine does stuff like this think they are gods gift putting you down to make them feel good about themselves. Glad you told him straight and if he wants sex he needs the vasectomy omg I cannot believe the audacity of him. Mine hasn’t suggested boob job but definitely made horrible comments about my weight, smile etc. just because there not perfect after 4 kids doesn’t mean they need fixing. Tell him you would like a holiday with the money instead.

Chinsupmeloves · 29/08/2025 18:43

That was horrible and unnecessary of him. More important things in life than tit's! Can you imagine commenting on his saggy scrotum, what a twat! Sorry and if any consolation my dh makes comments about my weight. Xxx

Pinkissmart · 29/08/2025 18:37

'A boob job? Good shout- will help increase traffic on my tinder profile when we split'

Grinnbear · 29/08/2025 18:18

What a pig!!
Well done for carrying and feeding 4DCs! Not an easy job at all.
Tell him to get the snip and pack it in!
Congratulations on the newborn too🙂

WotsitsMadeIn1927 · 29/08/2025 18:18

Cheeky bastard.

Can he get a transplant for his obviously tiny dick energy?

Now that would be better for the both of you.

You may need to educate his stupid head that it does infact take a woman’s body up to two years to fully recover from childbirth. He needs to be more thankful, the ingrate.

You deserve better OP 💐

PhuckTrump · 29/08/2025 18:14

Bob jobs can leave you with permanent numbness. And they aren’t “forever”—they need replacing every 10-ish years. Is he prepared to be the full-time dad whilst you recoup for several weeks after each operation? And is he paying? I’d offer him the following list, in order of priority:

  1. vasectomy
  2. 6-pack sculpting for him
  3. hair implants
  4. boob job
Finteq · 29/08/2025 18:08

Hoistraft · 29/08/2025 09:22

morning all, just wanted to pop back with a little update after all your replies yesterday (thank you again, honestly they gave me the courage to actually speak up instead of just sulking and crying about it).

i brought it up with him last night when the kids were in bed. i said straight out that what he said about my boobs was nasty and hurtful, and that i won’t ever be getting surgery to please him. i also told him if he wants to talk about surgery “for both of us” then the only thing on the table is a vasectomy.

he did that half laugh thing at first, then got defensive and said i was “overreacting” and he was “just being honest”. i didn’t back down though, i told him i’m sick of being chipped away at and i need him to stop making digs. he went quiet for a while after that and mumbled something about “not meaning to upset me” but there was no proper apology.

this morning he’s acting a bit sheepish, making extra cups of tea etc. i don’t know if that’s guilt or just trying to smooth things over without talking about it again.

so yeah, not some huge breakthrough, but at least i finally said it out loud. i’m glad i raised the vasectomy too because he actually looked rattled for once. funny how surgery isn’t such a casual suggestion when it’s his own body 🙄

Right well if he's just being honest, so are you.

After the vasectomy he can get a hair transplant, body sculpting with his abs and a penile enlargement.

Sure it'll be the best for the both of you

Sunbeds · 29/08/2025 18:07

Feed him to MN! Would happily deal with him for you xx

Ahardyfool · 29/08/2025 18:04

you aren’t hormonal you’re just married to a giant arsehole

alondonerabroad · 29/08/2025 18:03

YANBU. Ask him to transfer over the cost of surgery to you. Then book a holiday leaving him with the kids. Every time he goes near you, recoil with a hiss, if he asks what the matter is say “oh it’s nothing, it’s just” then look pointedly at some area of his anatomy. Don’t say anything more. Keep that up for weeks. What a twat.

JohnTheRevelator · 29/08/2025 17:58

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 28/08/2025 18:23

“it would be good for both of us”

WOW !!!**

Wow from me too. He sounds like an utter, unfeeling twat.

Cinderella99 · 29/08/2025 17:57

Listen up mums and mums to be we are Always more than enough we Always have been and Always will Be!!. Any partner/husband who can't or won't accept U for who U are isn't going to 2c that. Obviously there will more to each individual’s situations but remember NEVER EVER EVER FORGET UR TRUE WORTH.💓💓 TO ALL

BigButtons · 29/08/2025 17:55

I really really hope this is a joke. If it isn’t then it is one of the most revolting comments I have heard of. How on earth can you stay with this man?

LouiseK93 · 29/08/2025 17:50

Its worrying that you need to ask. I think hes slowly fucked your self esteem over time. Bin the bastard what a total prick.

BooBooDoodle · 29/08/2025 17:48

You need to tell him that you’ve lived with him and the state of his face for this long. Boot in the bollocks then a boot out of the door. Wouldn’t want anyone with these attitudes around my children. Disrespectful and abusive.

KarmenPQZ · 29/08/2025 16:45

Boobs have (are still) doing what boobs were designed for. Maybe he needs some therapy to work out why he should have no opinion about the way they look (or even function really).

but really if there’s money it should be spent on therapy for him… it should be spent on whatever you decide

SALaw · 29/08/2025 16:39

You laughed it off?!

DisabledDemon · 29/08/2025 16:11

Tell him to book himself in - he'll be needing a surgeon when you've finished rearranging his face.

OuterSpaceCadet · 29/08/2025 16:08

Vasectomy yes but only so that he can focus on his share of looking after your kids in the future when you split up. I'd be very very slowly sorting myself out for the eventual split when your baby is a bit older. I couldn't shag a man again after a comment like that.
.
Also, boob jobs don't give you your 20 year old boobs back. They give you fake boobs which are very different. I do understand the pressure some women feel and why some women get them. But fwiw, my friends who have them both have partners who were 100% against them getting them (but also understood it was ultimately their choice). A man actually suggesting it is pretty yuck. Especially as it risks loss of sexual sensation. Imagine men accepting losing part of the feelings from their cock!

EuclidianGeometryFan · 29/08/2025 16:03

With four kids to look after I would not rush into a divorce.

But definitely don't have sex with him again until after he has had a vasectomy. You have to stay strong on this and really mean it.
(TBH I wouldn't want sex with the vile pig ever again, but the vasectomy is a good excuse to say no for now).

Bide your time.
Divorce him in about 6-10 years.

BountifulPantry · 29/08/2025 15:28

You need to throw your toys out the pram if this happens again. Like, you need to lose your shit, throw him out, threaten divorce. Then tell him you’re « just being honest » about how you feel.

Seriously you’re being way way too nice. Get mean. How dare he speak to you like that.

Cause a fucking earthquake next time.

UnintentionalArcher · 29/08/2025 15:21

Well done @Hoistraft

Like others, I’d still be concerned (though not surprised - he’s already shown you he’s a fundamentally horrible man) by his response.

He was ‘just being honest’ = he does view your breasts as ‘wrecked’ as opposed to having very naturally and perfectly acceptably changed after you’ve created and kept his four children alive for him. He’s confirmed to you who he is here and what matters to him - the pornification of the female body no matter the cost to the individual, especially if that individual is his own wife.

He hasn’t apologised - he either doesn’t really get it (I suspect that his views of women are so misogynistic and ‘wrecked’ that he can’t actually understand your perspective) or he’s going through a period of reflection that will lead him to a totally opposite viewpoint. If it’s the latter and he gives you a genuine and unprompted apology in due course, showing he’s truly reflected on his appalling comment and, more importantly, the views underpinning this, there might be a chance that he will change. Otherwise, he will just carry on being who he is and maybe just hide it a bit better.

Strollingalong · 29/08/2025 15:02

Just being honest, eh? I’d have gone in very honestly about his body, his attitude and his phone usage. And he hadn’t meant to upset you? What on earth did he think you’d feel after his remark?
Extra cups of tea, sheepish behaviour, and a lack of proper apology aren’t good enough. He needs to grovel but hasn’t worked it out.
The weekend’s here. ASAP send Honest Husband away with your eldest three and tell him not to return until late Sunday night. He might learn to appreciate you and show you the respect you deserve.