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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse a boob job after DH said mine are “wrecked” post DC4?

520 replies

Hoistraft · 28/08/2025 18:21

bit of background first. ive just had DC4 about 6 weeks ago. total shock, was on the pill and it failed. tbh DH wasnt exactly over the moon about it, hes been a bit grumpy about the whole thing and weve been snapping at each other more than usual. im knackered, breastfeeding round the clock, house looks like a bomb site and i dont even know what day it is half the time.

so yesterday i was getting changed and he just comes out with “you should think about getting your boobs done, they’re a bit wrecked now after 4 kids”. i laughed it off at first but then he said he was serious and that “it would be good for both of us” if i sorted them. he keeps saying he’s only being honest and that it’s not a big deal these days.

i feel really rubbish now. yes theyre not what they were at 20 but i grew and fed 4 children with them and atm i actually think my body deserves a medal not a surgeon. im exhausted, hormonal and the last thing on my mind is cosmetic surgery. but part of me is wondering if im letting myself go and maybe hes right?

AIBU to flat out refuse or is it selfish to just expect him to accept me as i am now?

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 28/08/2025 19:22

gingercat02 · 28/08/2025 18:47

My friend stopped BF early to have a boob job for her husband. He still left her for a younger model when the kids were small. Don't do it OP.

I’m sorry op, but I think this is exactly where he’s headed. He’s already justifying it in his own head. Take the money, and hide it for when you need it.

RaymondPeterfellow · 28/08/2025 19:22

What an incredibly hurtful thing to say. Your body is still recovering. You are AMAZING, you have given birth to four of his children. Please don’t dwell on this comment, your body is perfect how it is.

Endofyear · 28/08/2025 19:21

I wouldn't be getting a boob job but I would be getting rid of a husband who said that to me. What an utter pig he is.

Notonthestairs · 28/08/2025 19:20

I agree that he’s chosen to snipe at you and criticise your body because he’s angry about being a father again. It’s deflection. Horrible man.

You deserve so much better.

Original poster
Hoistraft · 28/08/2025 19:20

yeah i think that’s it in a nutshell – i don’t actually care about “wrecked boobs” or whatever, i just want some bloody respect. like, i’m literally sat here feeding his newborn and he’s talking about cosmetic surgery. it’s such a kick in the teeth.

some of you saying porn… i wouldn’t be surprised tbh. he’s definitely been spending more time on his phone lately and i’ve caught him deleting history before. makes sense if he’s comparing me to whatever “perfect” bodies he’s looking at online.

and you’re right, i’ve let myself brush too much off because i hate confrontation and i’m always so tired. but i can’t keep swallowing it, i’m starting to feel smaller and smaller in myself.

the idea of spending “boob job money” on a divorce instead did make me laugh. maybe that would actually be money well spent 😅

OP posts:
Jerrypicker · 28/08/2025 19:20

FenderStrat · 28/08/2025 18:24

He's fucking vile.
Insult his cock.

Insult his cock
😂😂

Joeydoesntsharefood25 · 28/08/2025 19:19

So when you're at your most vulnerable, he chooses to hurt you. What he said was negging, it's abusive, the intent to wound your confidence. Why would he do that to someone he deeply loves and respects?

Praying4Peace · 28/08/2025 19:19

Congratulations on your achievements OP.
Please take care of yourself

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 28/08/2025 19:18

Anyone who says anything non complimentary about a woman's body only 6 weeks after they've given birth is just a really horrible person

Dreamondreaminon · 28/08/2025 19:18

Hoistraft · 28/08/2025 19:14

wow i didn’t expect so many replies, thank you all so much for taking the time. ive read every single one and honestly it’s like a weight lifted seeing so many people say im not being unreasonable.

lots of you saying vasectomy and yes 100%. i’ve mentioned it before (after DC3 actually) and he just sort of laughed it off like “nah, not for me”. well maybe it bloody should be for him seeing as the pill clearly isn’t foolproof and i’m the one carrying the consequences. i’m tempted to actually bring it up tonight and say if he wants to talk about surgery “for both of us” then he can go first.

the comment definitely wasn’t a slip of the tongue. i think some of you are right that he’s angry/resentful about DC4 and taking it out on me in these little digs. it hurts more than i realised because i’ve been brushing them off for months but it’s not normal to feel this chipped away at all the time, is it?

i don’t want implants. i don’t even want to think about surgery. i just want him to respect me and maybe, i don’t know, say thank you for growing his kids instead of picking at my body.

i’ve got a lot to think about but honestly, reading these replies, i feel a bit stronger already.

i don’t want implants. i don’t even want to think about surgery. i just want him to respect me and maybe, i don’t know, say thank you for growing his kids instead of picking at my body.

Tell him just that! Time to make yourself respected and your voice heard. No more brushing off his misogynistic, vile and hurtful comments. He doesn't get to hurt you in all impunity anymore.

Agernonthingy · 28/08/2025 19:18

Good grief @Hoistraft that’s a truly awful thing to say to you. I’m so sorry you are married to such a prick. Talking of pricks, maybe suggest he gets his dick enlarged as you’ve noticed it isn’t what it was? It would help both of you. 🙄

the5thgoldengirl · 28/08/2025 19:17

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

LozzaCh0ps · 28/08/2025 19:17

Terminal ick. I wouldn’t even want to look at him ever again.

Noshadelamp · 28/08/2025 19:17

He thinks he owns your body, he objectifies you and thinks you owe him his idea of a perfect female body.
Absolutely vile.

Also, it's absolutely not selfish to want 100% body autonomy and agency!

Onthemaintrunkline · 28/08/2025 19:16

Hurtful, hurtful ignorant man. Show him this thread OP.

Good luck with all you’ve got on yr plate, with 4 children the last thing needed was your husbands nasty, deliberately designed to hurt, comments. Stupid superficial sod!
I don’t often get riled up but this post has done it! Feeling for you 💐

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 28/08/2025 19:16

He’s been looking at porn OP.

BrokenWingsCantFly · 28/08/2025 19:14

What an absolutely dreadful thing to say.
It's up to you what you do with your body and that discussion should only be had if you was the 1 to think of it

Original poster
Hoistraft · 28/08/2025 19:14

wow i didn’t expect so many replies, thank you all so much for taking the time. ive read every single one and honestly it’s like a weight lifted seeing so many people say im not being unreasonable.

lots of you saying vasectomy and yes 100%. i’ve mentioned it before (after DC3 actually) and he just sort of laughed it off like “nah, not for me”. well maybe it bloody should be for him seeing as the pill clearly isn’t foolproof and i’m the one carrying the consequences. i’m tempted to actually bring it up tonight and say if he wants to talk about surgery “for both of us” then he can go first.

the comment definitely wasn’t a slip of the tongue. i think some of you are right that he’s angry/resentful about DC4 and taking it out on me in these little digs. it hurts more than i realised because i’ve been brushing them off for months but it’s not normal to feel this chipped away at all the time, is it?

i don’t want implants. i don’t even want to think about surgery. i just want him to respect me and maybe, i don’t know, say thank you for growing his kids instead of picking at my body.

i’ve got a lot to think about but honestly, reading these replies, i feel a bit stronger already.

OP posts:
Goodadvice1980 · 28/08/2025 19:14

Well OP no need to ever worry about a fifth pregnancy as you won’t want to be intimate with such a disrespectful cretin now 👍

Zov · 28/08/2025 19:13

WOW. What a massive arsehat! I'm so sorry you are married to him. Flowers

Of course you refuse the boob job!

Sunshineandoranges · 28/08/2025 19:12

Tell him to take his stupid self off for a vasectomy tomorrow

hibeat · 28/08/2025 19:12

Also he is pure dick.

hibeat · 28/08/2025 19:11

Right now no. Be sure to request for the money pot when you are done breastfeeding and spend it however you want. Or save. It will be very good indeed.

Sunnyscribe · 28/08/2025 19:11

Tell him he needs scrotox on his saggy ball sack.

YourAquaLion · 28/08/2025 19:10

Tell him to get the snip and a penis enlargement now as you can’t feel anything from him after birthing his four children. What an insensitive thing to say right now! It’s both people’s responsibility not to get pregnant a fourth time but he sounds like he’s not on board with that. Defo grade A dick behaviour, so sorry for you OP in the thick of baby stuff! I hope you have some good girlie friends who will slag him off with you over the phone or WhatsApp xxx