If you didn’t send your child to nursery ?

We had a lot of pressure to send our son before he turned 3. I am really glad that I didn’t listen to them.

What about school holidays or you were both off work throughout them all? And neither had to go elsewhere during children's waking hours?

I have a 12 year gap between dd2 and ds. I still don't consider ds got 1:1 care at any time really

I didn’t want my young daughter being cared for by strangers - as such I only went back to work two half days a week and my mum had her during those hours.

Multiple-child establishments in my personal opinion is no place for a child under 3.

Socialisation with children their own age.
Learning to understand they can’t have their own way and have everything they want when they want it as there is no one to share with.
Taking turns.
Understanding and relating to peer emotion.
Age appropriate learning from peers.
Friendships.
Exposure to diversity in peer groups.
Learning to deal with and resolve conflict with peers.
Participation in group activities

Y’know, stuff like that.

Doesn't have to be an only child, it depends on the age gap. DD2 had 1:1 care from me as DD1 was in pre-school and then school when she was born, and then DH was around after school so she's always had the attention of one parent.

I did send both my dcs to preschool from age 2.5 though and I think it was the right thing for them. They thrived on the social aspect and it made the transition to reception much easier.

How do you know that there would be horrendous upset when starting school / nursery ?

Dc may have still only been upset once . If they'd been to nursery may not have been upset at starting school

My dd2 went to 2 preschools then started reception and before ywar one another school as we moved. No upset at all really. Nor was she upset being only child from her primary going to the secondary school she attended. Its not a given

Same, mine went to school nursery for a year pre reception but didn’t go before that as I was caring for their very ill father and we wouldn’t have been able to afford it. When they became eligible for free hours, I did try and get them a place but couldn’t get them in anywhere, as I was told that you had to be paying for the place first in order to secure a place. I was on my knees with trying to juggle visiting DP in hospital and caring for him when home and looking after very young children so the free hours would have been a godsend. If people want to judge so be it!

How does that 1:1 care happen if the child has a sibling? Or is it only best for eldest/only children

Forced to? Do you live in a country where home ed is illegal?

I didn’t because I didn’t want to and I was able to have the choice to be a SAHM. I think one of my children would have struggled to settle at nursery so it worked out well. We had a few judgy comments from a couple of people we knew, but they weren’t people who we valued the opinions of so we took no notice. We were happy with our choice and our kids were happy so anyone’s negative opinion was easily ignored.

My children all went to the nursery/preschool attached to their primary school from aged 3 for a few hours a day. The same people that judged us for not sending them to nursery younger told us our children would struggle with it. Thankfully they didn’t.

Parents can’t do right, they get judged for staying at home, they get judged for working. It’s best to just do what suits your circumstances and ignore the judgy people as they’ll find something to judge whatever you do. I think they must be unhappy with their own choice to ‘care’ so much about what others are doing.

Both of mine had a nanny (part of a nanny share) as felt a home environment was a better fit for them as fairly shy or needy babies. It was also convenient for us and nursery places were thin on the ground. Both went to preschool age 2.5.

Myself and most of my friends didn't send our kids to nursery... but we are in our 60s.. we were mostly SAHM.. it never crossed my mind or that of my husbands that l would go back to work .. we left work around i months pregnant and that was it... some of us found a part time job once the kids were 5 and started school... if another baby didn't follow on.. but usually a 2 to 3 year gap and we had another... my husband was a university lecturer.. our house was gifted by his Grandparents.. loads of my friends husbands were miners.. so much easier to buy houses then.. and live on one wage... l couldn't imagine having my kids.. only to leave them with strangers in a nursery so young.. l wanted to enjoy them.. and l did.

Sent dc 1 to playgroup a couple of times a week instead. I worked in another city and it fitted in better with my parents doing childcare.
Dc also wasn’t ready.

I work in nursery and we can tell within about 5 minutes if a child has been before. The difference in self care skills is stark. Most children who have been at home will constantly look to the adult to do things for them, they might throw their coat on the floor, ask you for a drink or wait for something they drop to be picked up, tell you their nose is running then hand you the snotty tissue. Children who have been in a formal setting will hang up their own coat, pour their own water and pick up everything, get a tissue if they need a tissue and put the dirty tissue in the bin.

Yeah , my mum's a primary teacher and she also says she and colleagues always said this, but not for the reasons you seem to think 😬

Mine went to pre-school for 6 hours a week at 2 and is upping to 12 hours this year. Groups around here are a bit lacking, and I'm bad at social chit chat situations.

From my experience you're far more likely to be judged for sending your child 'unnecessarily' than not sending them. People I've spoken to tend to view it as abdicating responsibility for your kids.

I had a nanny.

Children don't need nursery under three but many do enjoy preschool. The benefit of preschool is learning cooperative play with peers - children generally enjoy this at that age and learning to be with different adults and learning some skills in being independent with things such as getting dressed. Nurseries are more beneficial for adults than for children overall.

I wouldn't judge anyone negatively for not sending their child to nursery/preschool as I do think for most children in families with good dynamics can learn all the skills needed at home to be ready for school. (Obviously if the parents or adults in the family leave them in front of the TV eating snacks for 12 hours it would be a different story!)

So interesting. I’ve never come across this view. My dc did not go to nursery or preschool because I didn’t work/ need childcare. I wasn’t aware people sent dc for reasons other than childcare! Although I appreciate children enjoy it too.
We had a wonderful time before school started with local groups like Mini professors, forest school sessions, library, swimming etc.Also just the freedom to see family, visit fun places and enjoy them being little.
DC were very happy starting school at 5 and totally ready for reception- toilet trained, able to dress/ shoes and coats on, sit quietly and listen etc. I’ve always felt really grateful for those pre school years .

Neither of my older kids went. The older one had serious anxiety about being away from us, and started school at 4 years and 2 weeks old. She managed reception but couldn’t take year 1…we pulled her out and home educated until year 4. Taking GCSEs next year, a confident and self assured little adult.

Middle child never went because there was no need, he started school in year 2. Quiet, calm and slightly shy child, works hard at school and has good friends.

Youngest started nursery at around 2 years old, a little unsettled for the first day or so but then fine. Now starting year 3. Quite a sensitive chap, finds starting some things hard, but fine at school etc.

Certainly wasn’t an essential to us, and I don’t remember anyone really paying any attention to whether they went or not. Are people interested in that kind of thing? We had a little more interest in the home eduction when they were older, but even then…not much.

I'm a childminder and have had a few children stay with me until school.

Reception is supposed to be preparation for school. Children don't need a year or more of nursery to prepare them for Reception to prepare them for Year 1.

At some point we need to let children just live rather than constantly prepare them!

🙄

Haven’t sent my DC2 to nursery so far but she will go to preschool for a year before reception. Will do the same with DC3.

DC1 went to a day nursery and he cried all the time. Years later he still talks about how sad he was there and missed us and he hated it. I don’t think it was good for him at all

No. Different groups and activities every day. No pre-school attached to school and knew that the upset would be horrendous twice (starting school was traumatic for DC and starting pre-school and then a different school would have been more than they could bear). 4 is too young to start school as it is for summer born. Any potential downsides in terms of preparedness for school well outweighed by their wellbeing. Sufficiently prepared by family and play group experience to do things like take turns etc. Teachers surprised to find out that they hadn’t been

We have a nanny, then at 3 years old preschool. I feel 1:1 care for toddlers is best (if practical/affordabie) and I adore our nanny. However, at 3 years old my first born was very ready for preschool and has enjoyed it from day 1 (never any tears at drop off etc).

Do what works best for your kids