I’ll try to keep this short.
Basically, my partner’s aunt and uncle lost a child to illness many years ago—before either of us were born. I can’t say I’m particularly fond of his aunt; she’s done some spiteful things within the family and tends to act like the “CEO” of it all. His uncle, on the other hand, has always been polite to me, although a bit quiet.
They live in a tiny village on the outskirts of a city where we live and work. One day at work, I happened to mention to a colleague who lives or parents live in said Village, that my partner’s aunt and uncle live there as just as casual conversation. My colleague responded along the lines of, “Oh yeah, I know of them. He’s very odd.” I didn’t think much of it at the time but later mentioned it to my partner. He went a bit quiet and sheepish and confided in me as to what that comment could have been in relation to;
Apparently, back in the early '90s (either before my partner was born or when he was very young), his uncle was arrested after several complaints of flashing at women in parks. He was taken to court, placed on some sort of sex offenders register (or whatever the equivalent was back then), and sentenced to community service or similar. According to what my partner was told by his dad, the incident caused a massive scandal within the family and made his aunt and uncle outcasts in the village for a while.
His dad—who is the aunt’s brother—was livid at first and apparently went straight round to confront him. The uncle's explanation was, “I’m not coping,” referring to the loss of his child years earlier. And that was sort of… it. It was brushed under the rug. The family now seems to tiptoe around his uncle a bit . My partner was told explicitly that it’s not something to ever be discussed and that was the end of it.
Of course, I do have sympathy for the grief they experienced, and I understand mental health struggles. But I still think what he did was really wrong. As a young woman, it makes me feel incredibly uneasy. Women should be able to go about their lives without this kind of behaviour—regardless of when it happened. I also feel for the victims, who likely never got closure. And I can’t help but think: what if he hadn’t been caught? Where could it have escalated? What if a vulnerable or intellectually challenged woman had been involved? It’s disturbing.
Ive come here because I can’t talk about this with anyone as;
A) I’m not supposed to know—it was a family secret,
B) I want to respect my partner.
But I’m really struggling with how to feel about it. From a young woman’s point of view, it just doesn’t sit right with me. I don’t buy the “grieving parent” excuse—it was still a sexual crime.
Am I being heartless?