Do you find your DH attractive?

Op I think you’re focussing on wrong thing here. Often times these lust moments out the blue that get people questioning relationships can signal wider issues.
Your DH has changed from the man you met. You now describe him physically different but I suspect it’s the moodiness that might be the issue. Is he still the kind, responsible man or has that changed too? Forget lust is he a good friend? And why did you tell him about the Cuban god? Was it to try stir him into something other than what he’s become?

He could make an effort to not be overweight and to exercise, just like women should ( not that I’m shaming those who carry extra lbs and don’t try to keep fit. I’m guilty myself!)

I've been married to my Dh for over 20 years, and when we were first dating I fancied the pants off him! Of course, he's aged, has a bit of a pot belly now and his hair is thinning and grey. There are the odd times I still look at him and think he's attractive- and he still has a very attractive face but I don't feel the same passion I once did, however, I don't feel the same passion for anyone else either which has a lot to do with menopause, cancer treatment and being older rather than him.

I wasn’t attracted to DH straight away but got to know him and his personality which made me fancy him.

It’s been almost 20 years since we got together and over the years he has changed his facial hair, his overall style, worked out more to get more muscular, has been an amazing partner, husband, dad and best friend. And ooooofffff! I find him so attractive and sexy. I sometimes do just look at him and think oh my god you're gorgeous

He is the more attractive one out of the two of us. But he tells me every day how much he fancies me and we’re still very affectionate with each other after so long together. And when he tells me what he loves about how I look and shows how much he loves me it makes him even sexier. We were at a wedding the other week and I was just chatting to the groom and laughing with him. DH was sat at a table and I saw him look over so I smiled back at him and carried on talking. He then text me to tell me how beautiful I am when I laugh and how lucky he is. Which actually gave me butterflies. And then he sent a second text to say that I am also very lucky that he is so hilarious and that I have him to make me laugh. Which made me laugh again!

I found dh extremely attractive when we first met 20 years ago and did for a good 15 years even when he gained a few stone (although I worried about his health). Five years ago he went on a massive health kick and lost 4 stone, he’s tiny now smaller than me and he looks scrawny. (To the point he got asked if he was ill as times) I’m glad he’s happier but I don’t find him attractive as I did. We still enjoy sex though and I am attracted to having sex with him.

Yep been together 10 years.

Some days I find him less attractive then others, but that’s because of my feelings when I’m due on my period. I even hate hearing his breathing.

But I’m very attracted to him.

Different strokes for different folks

I'm not sure why that would mean it looks as if he's been designed by god himself

He can toss a pizza without dropping his cigar 🤷‍♀️

Yes.

Some of you might think my partner looks like a big troll (he doesn’t 😂), but I find him insanely attractive.

We've always had amazing chemistry, and that doesn’t seem to be fading/dying.

Life makes us both absolutely gross sometimes, and it doesn’t change the levels of attraction.

He’s hot when he’s dressed up and has made an effort, hot when he’s covered in our son’s yoghurt, snot or chocolatey finger prints or has just changed his nappy. Hot sat on his arse on the sofa, and hot in the kitchen making dinner.

We’re a jogging bottoms and hoodies kinda family, not chavvy just chasing a SEN kid around so aim for comfort, and there’s nobody else I’d rather be greasy and exhausted with.

I’ve known DP 3 1/2 years and I find him very attractive - sometimes when we are watch a film if something I sneak looks at him and think ‘mmmmmmmm I really find you very attractive’

he was Italian and Cuban

And?

He’s attractive looking, but he can be a complete arsehole, so no.

wrong thread.

Yes, very attractive.

Physically my DH is OKish, but what makes him really attractive are his innate kindness, consideration and sense of humour.

If he didn’t make your knees wobble when you first met then unlikely to now.

it sounds like your in a bit of a routine and it’s boring.

you don’t have to stay like this because it’s safe and comfortable.
the grass isn’t always greener but once the kids are gone, do you have interests
with DH in retirement etc. or will it just be the same old grind?

I think attraction isn't the issue here -y ou are focusing on the wrong thing.

I do think your post is a bit mean though - would you like him to compare you to Angelina Jolie/ Claudia Schiffer? Few people are that attractive in real life. My husband is v good looking, and I consider myself v attractive on my best days. But I would be hurt if my husband based his attraction to me on whether I held up to Halle Berry. That's an unattainable standard and also reduces me to just looks and sex appeal. And I wouldn't look at him and think he needs to look like a model whose job is to look good and take care of their body.

But I find my husband most attractive when he's cleaned up and looked after the kids particularly well that day. So that comes back to the wider point that you don't feel your husband is meeting your needs in that way.

Well my lovely dp isn’t attractive at all, in the conventional sense. I love tall, with broad shoulders, strong jaw etc. He isn’t any of that. What he is, and what makes him incredibly attractive to me is his smile, his personality, his love and care for me that he expresses in a myriad of ways every day. His touch, kiss, willingness to massage my neck with no pressure to return the favour; his gentleness and patience. We both try to keep fit although we haven’t managed it as much as we’d have liked! But 30 years in, I find him more attractive than ever.

Yes very.

Here's a reverse, have u ever seen a bloke that clearly takes care of themselves, tanned, muscley but is just not attractive at all? Like the typical bloke people would be like oh wow. I feel nothing. Don't really like that look. Yet when David harbour was fat at the start of stranger things I found him hugely attractive 🤣🤣🤣 I must be so weird!

I think my husband is gorgeous - we've been together 15 years and I often look at him and feel struck by how handsome he is (and he still turns heads!). Sadly I am the one whose looks have deteriorated in our relationship following childbirth etc.

I was first attracted to my husband by his extremely good looks so yes, 30 years later I still find him extremely attractive. Objectively, he’s the most handsome man I know.

If you met your "gorgeous" partner when you were both 25, would have given a 45 year old a second look?

Probably not, you would have thought a 45 year old is practically dead, all the balding men and women with sagging boobs and stretch marks . . no thanks!

But then you get to 45 and only see your partner, not yourself.

"I don't fancy him anymore"

"I still make an effort, even after four kids"

Really!

How much of that effort is "fake-up"?

I can make myself look Instagram worthy given an hour and enough cosmetics!

But it's not real.

Men typically don't have recourse to the "lie layers" we do. The most your "unattractive" DH can do is usually a shower and a clean shirt. For us, that's not even the starting point.

If you're over 40, with kids, trust me, you look over 40!

Wonder how attractive the OP looks without make up?

Yes, he is a very handsome man, thick dark hair (now with lots of grey), tall, extremely fit. He actually looks more handsome with age, whereas I feel I’m starting to lose whatever looks I had. Been together for 25+ years.

However, the man has no chat….hence why I’m on here.

You can’t have it all!

We only met a year ago. I did when I first met him, but in the last 6 months he's put on an awful lot of weight and he keeps complaining about being fat. For me it's doubly unattractive- I don't like him so big, and I don't like him moaning about being overweight but not doing anything about it.