Do you find your DH attractive?

Oh sorry @Poppins21 Misread your message!

It’s not me in an abusive relationship it was the PP on the thread. I am sorry about the horrible separation now for you and I hope things settle soon.

I found someone I have that physical connection with who is a sweetheart- and I know how lucky I am to have found him.

I did. I was very glad I did as it was only when I looked back that I realised how horrible he was and how much I'd put up with.

Unfortunately I then met someone else who I didn't have that chemistry with but who I thought was much nicer. I was with him for 9 years and now we're going through a horrible separation.

Yes, I do miss the incredible physical connection I had with that guy, I won't lie. But I suspect you will look back and see the same thing that I did - that the abuse was far worse than you could see when you were in it.

I hope you are able to leave. Life is too short. Getting away from my horrible ex was one of the best things I ever did.

Did you leave and find peace? I find it hard to fathom having chemistry with someone abusive as my husband being gentle and caring is a huge turn on to me. I can’t imagine liking never mind fancying someone who is horrible to me. But chemistry is an odd beast to say to least and the expression love in blind can be so spot on.

I get this totally. I was with a horrible guy for years but I fancied the pants off him, the chemistry between us was incredible and I found him irresistible. When people ask me why I stayed, I couldn’t say “the amazing sex” so I had to say, “it’s complicated”.

I hope you are able to leave at some point and I understand why you find it so hard. Sending strength x

Still fancy my husband after 41 years together

I still do even after 32 years together. He's always been good looking and looked after himself. We both do. I see women (and men) looking at him and I am proud he's mine :)

I agree, my husband loves that I love women and has said he wouldn't mind me being with a woman but like you, i wouldn't cos it would be cheating and I couldn't do that to him, i love him too much.

Before DH & me met I was in a relationship with a woman. He loves the fact that I find women attractive even if I would never do anything about it - by which I mean have any kind of sex with anyone. Our relationship is based on friendship, honesty & neither of us would cheat. DH has often asked if I miss sex with women & would be open to me having sex with a woman. I wouldn't as it would be cheating & I'd never do that. I couldn't just have sex with someone, it would have to be part of a relationship & that would endanger my relationship with my DH.

However, since he's 9 years older than me, chances are that he will die before me. I've said that I can't promise not to have another relationship should he die & I'm left alone.

We do frequently. I'll say 'did you clock the boobs on that lady?' he may smirk & say 'of course I did' or 'no, I didn't rewind it...oh yes see what you mean'. Equally he will call me from another room saying 'Hot man here (meaning on TV) you may want to see'. Nothing wrong with that. As DH says: 'nothing wrong with looking at the menu even if you're not eating' 😂

My husband knows which male celebrities I like but cos I'm bi, we like some of the same female ones.

I do definitely find my husband attractive. He isn't overly tall and has a belly but he has a very physical job so has amazingly muscular arms and legs, lovely blonde hair and very kind eyes. He takes care of himself physically I do realy fancy him.
That said, it doesn't mean I don't find other men attractive. That's human nature it's how the human race is in existence. There was a celebrity in the one show the other day who DH knows I like and he even said, Oh look its your fella 🤣🤣 Finding someone else attractive isn't wrong, the issue is NOT finding your husband attractive. Attraction does change with age, an elderly couple aren't going to have animalistic urges to each other as much anymore, but it settles into a different kind of live and attraction. Although i still fancy my husband it's different to when we were first dating (20 and 23) and we literally couldn't keep our hands off each other 42 and 45 now

I never found my exH attractive…
I had known him when I was 18 and never fancied him.. had a long term relationship with my first love who I never really fully got over… then spent 5 years in an abusive relationship…. So I when I bumped back into my now exH I looked for some lighthearted fun - he was funny and made me feel safe after abusive ex… he had a good body but nothing to look at facially - but I 100% fell in love with his personality & sense of humour… we were married for 16 years… and are now very much just friends.

Please seek help for this.. maybe ask on local women only page anonymously if anywhere near you offers support or runs the freedom program.

We've always done this too and we've been together nearly 20 years. I think some people worry it would seem like they're indicating they want to leave them for someone else, but I see it as being honest while in a trusting relationship.

Well done you OP for marrying sensibly. I didn’t I fell for the good looks and star appeal twice. Unfortunately many women had the same idea and I couldn’t leave him alone for a minute as soon as I did women were round queuing up. Lost both to other women from my lack of constant attention. You stick with what you’ve got. He sounds lovely. They weren’t bad people just too attractive for their own good.😳

I agree with you on pretty boys, God I hate brad pitt and all his type. I don't like uber masculine either, I kind of go for intelligence/oddball/funny guys. They could look like anything, but if they're clever, intense and funny, I'm hooked.

My partner had a massive stroke when he was in his 20s, which left him with a disability. I'll never forget the first time I properly noticed him at work, he was opening a pack of crisps with his teeth, crushing them with his one hand, then tipping the lot down his throat. Then we proceeded to discuss the company's month end figures whilst making film references/jokes that only we'd get. Yeah, we're weirdos 🤣

Omg yes! I met my DH when we were 18 and living in university halls and I fancied the pants off him then - he used to wear indie clothes and play sad guitar music with his dorm room open and I just thought he was the best thing ever 🤣

He’s put on weight - but he exercises and is quite muscly so he carries the fat strong look well - he’s got all his hair still and I still think he has the most handsome face. 14 years in this October and I still get bashful sometimes lol

This is difficult one, and everyone's experiences and thoughts on it will be different.

However (I'm about to make some huge generalisations here..), I have noticed that women are held to a higher standard as we age. We're expected to find more flattering clothes and hairstyles. Take more time to epliate, anti-wrinkle, dye hair, and diet & exercise ourselves to keep up with the changes. If men trim their nose hair, they tend to think that's expert grooming, they don't put in anything like the same effort to stay attractive to their wives. Unhealthy lifestyle is the worst part, with some men thinking they can carry on with the beers and takeaway, like they did in their 20s, and still be 'killing it' when their testosterone levels plummet.

Again, this is a huuuuge generalisation, I know. I think things are changing, the next generation of men do not seem so keen to 'let things go'. And women are pushing back on the ridiculous and unrealistic expectations put on them. I hope in the future we could meet in the middle somewhere where men take care of their health and diet, and women aren't pressured to spend hours and a fortune on ridiculous beauty treatments.

Yes, and I tell him how handsome he is regularly.

I'd be the first to say my husband is not everybody's idea of attractive and he is not classically handsome but in my eyes he is gorgeous and 100% alpha male. He is overweight and has been since I met him but he's big boned so he wears it well, once he started balding he just decided to shave the lot off, he's a bit of a baby face so i like him with a beard and he bever bothered with a brace so his teeth aren't perfectly straight. Most of that doesn't matter to me, cos I love him. I don't look at him and think I want to rip his clothes all the time but i think that's not convenient for a marriage, when we're in the mood I am more than happy to be dragged off to the bedroom and i'll give an appreciative ogle when he walks around naked. Tbh I think the relationship would be ultimately doomed if I didn't ever find him attractive. If he gave me the ick how would I be able to live with him and spend time in his company let alone get into bed with him every night?

Yeah I do, my man is the epitome of masculine, and I find rugged masculinity very attractive. Pretty boys give me the absolute ick.

That's a pretty sad thing to share. I feel sorry for your husband.

I've been with my DH for 15 years, I have always found him attractive. He's conventionally handsome, it''s his sense of humour that makes him most attractive to me though

Off course I do ! I can’t understand people. It feeling attracted to their partners