Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are grandparents AIBU about us getting a cat??

82 replies

latesummerreminiscing · 28/08/2025 09:33

To give some context, me and family (British DH and DS) live in England since about 12 years, I am from a European country. The plan was always to move back to my home country but for various reasons this is now unlikely to happen, so we make a huge effort to visit my family a lot (DH and DS fully on board and love that). We are very close to my parents. Now my DS wants a cat since years and my parents are not keen on us getting a cat and the reasoning is "once you have a cat, our grandson won't want to visit us as much any more"

To be honest I was pretty gobsmacked and found this quite rude, as we visit every 3 months at least and they just about come over once a year, if that. Also we have no shortage of people to look after the cat when we are away. AIBU that it's a bit selfish of my parents?

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 28/08/2025 10:15

If you are planning on leaving it alone a lot and for a week at a time, then definitely get a pair of cats-it's much fairer, if you are their only company and you all disappear, I think one cat would be really lonely.

Your parents are being unreasonable though and can't dictate what pets you get!

As your child gets old and school becomes the routine-you won't go as much anyway. They need to come to you if they want to see you. Are they retired?

namechangeaaargh · 28/08/2025 10:12

It's none of their business but could they be against it because they think you having a cat means you're much less likely to ever move back permanently? Or are they already aware that you won't be doing so?

Swiftie1878 · 28/08/2025 10:12

latesummerreminiscing · 28/08/2025 10:08

Thank you for this suggestion. Will they still want the adults company when you get two of them? Sorry to ask but I don't know how these things work- I've only ever had one cat growing up!

Show quote history

Yes, they do, as long as you handle them and play with them both from the get-go. Cats mirror the energy they receive from humans as kittens. If you put time and energy into them, they’ll want to hang out 😊

JHound · 28/08/2025 10:09

They are being ridiculous.

PicaK · 28/08/2025 10:08

Get 2 cats - book someone to come to your house twice a day to feed them. It costs me £15 per day and I just mentally add it onto the holiday c ost like choosing airplane seats.

Original poster
latesummerreminiscing · 28/08/2025 10:08

MolkosTeenageAngst · 28/08/2025 09:56

If you’re going to be leaving the cat alone several times a year, sometimes for multiple weeks, please get two cats (litter mates or a bonded pair). At least then the cats will have each other for company.

Thank you for this suggestion. Will they still want the adults company when you get two of them? Sorry to ask but I don't know how these things work- I've only ever had one cat growing up!

OP posts:
Dancingdance · 28/08/2025 10:04

latesummerreminiscing · 28/08/2025 09:57

Yeah this is probably worth a whole other thread- my son is hte only grandchild, they absolutely adore him and miss him so much, so I go there a lot to facilitate contact (don't get me wrong, it is lovely there, we have the space, my parents are great hosts and going so often means that my son speaks the language near perfectly). It's sometimes quite a lot but I do feel guilty if I don't visit. They visit once a year (if that), saying they want to leave us our family peace and find it stressful not being able to speak English etc. etc.

Show quote history

How about you visit one week a year and they do the same? Your parents sound controlling. They could also learn English, just like you did. It’s great that your son speaks two languages.

Original poster
latesummerreminiscing · 28/08/2025 09:58

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 28/08/2025 09:54

When your DS goes to school the visits will probably slow down a lot anyway. Kids want to see their friends more in the holidays and don't always want to be towed around, however much they love their GPs. A cat is a great thing in life, and if you've got plenty of care for it you can always take shorter visits to your DPs.

Also beware of them saying 'you mustn't...' about anything. It's none of their business what you do with your life. What are they going to try next, you 'mustn't' change your job because then you couldn't work from theirs? You 'mustn't' have another baby because then they'd have to spread their love? They sound a wee bit keen to tell you what you can and can't do...

Get the cat. Love the cat.

Thank you so much. Yes, you are actually kind of right as in, they often said "once you have a different job then you can't work from abroad and see us less, which of course we will accept, but it will be hard"

OP posts:
rainbowstardrops · 28/08/2025 09:58

They’ve got a point but that doesn’t mean they have a say in the decision.
How old is your son?

Spies · 28/08/2025 09:57

titchy · 28/08/2025 09:53

No they don’t. They sound worried that the reality of pet ownership means that OP won’t visit as often or for as long. Which is probably how it will work out.

Show quote history

It was always going to happen though. Realistically even without a cat the visits would reduce in amount and length as the OPs son gets older and wants to spend time in the holidays with his friends.

Original poster
latesummerreminiscing · 28/08/2025 09:57

Dancingdance · 28/08/2025 09:51

Visiting every 3 months is a lot considering they live abroad. Do they ever visit you? I would just visit every summer. Get the cat if you want one.

Yeah this is probably worth a whole other thread- my son is hte only grandchild, they absolutely adore him and miss him so much, so I go there a lot to facilitate contact (don't get me wrong, it is lovely there, we have the space, my parents are great hosts and going so often means that my son speaks the language near perfectly). It's sometimes quite a lot but I do feel guilty if I don't visit. They visit once a year (if that), saying they want to leave us our family peace and find it stressful not being able to speak English etc. etc.

OP posts:
MolkosTeenageAngst · 28/08/2025 09:56

If you’re going to be leaving the cat alone several times a year, sometimes for multiple weeks, please get two cats (litter mates or a bonded pair). At least then the cats will have each other for company.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 28/08/2025 09:54

When your DS goes to school the visits will probably slow down a lot anyway. Kids want to see their friends more in the holidays and don't always want to be towed around, however much they love their GPs. A cat is a great thing in life, and if you've got plenty of care for it you can always take shorter visits to your DPs.

Also beware of them saying 'you mustn't...' about anything. It's none of their business what you do with your life. What are they going to try next, you 'mustn't' change your job because then you couldn't work from theirs? You 'mustn't' have another baby because then they'd have to spread their love? They sound a wee bit keen to tell you what you can and can't do...

Get the cat. Love the cat.

Swiftie1878 · 28/08/2025 09:54

latesummerreminiscing · 28/08/2025 09:50

Ah, sorry, my husband was only away for three weeks, not the whole summer, and three weeks was a one off and won't happen again. The longest the cat would be left alone would probably be 2 weeks, 3 at an absolute push, once a year.

Show quote history

Then I’m back on your side! Go for it!! xx

titchy · 28/08/2025 09:53

Lighteningstrikes · 28/08/2025 09:50

It’s healthy for kids to have pets as long as they’re loved and cared for properly.

Your parents sound quite controlling.

No they don’t. They sound worried that the reality of pet ownership means that OP won’t visit as often or for as long. Which is probably how it will work out.

stichguru · 28/08/2025 09:53

Just ignore them. They clearly have it in their heads that your will struggle to go away with a pet. It is true that some people do, but if you have looked at local options for the cat i.e. pet sitters, local catteries or home boarding, and factored in that for the times you are generally away in the year, to the cost of having the cat, it won't be true for you.

titchy · 28/08/2025 09:52

If you are considering a cat, get two that are bonded if you’re away a lot. At least they’ll have company.

Dancingdance · 28/08/2025 09:51

Visiting every 3 months is a lot considering they live abroad. Do they ever visit you? I would just visit every summer. Get the cat if you want one.

Lighteningstrikes · 28/08/2025 09:50

It’s healthy for kids to have pets as long as they’re loved and cared for properly.

Your parents sound quite controlling.

Original poster
latesummerreminiscing · 28/08/2025 09:50

Swiftie1878 · 28/08/2025 09:49

I was with you until you said you’ve spent the best part of the summer there. If you spend big chunks of time overseas, regularly, it would be a bit unfair on the cat to keep leaving it in a cattery or for neighbours to feed.
You need to also take account of the needs of your proposed ‘pet’.

Show quote history

Ah, sorry, my husband was only away for three weeks, not the whole summer, and three weeks was a one off and won't happen again. The longest the cat would be left alone would probably be 2 weeks, 3 at an absolute push, once a year.

OP posts:
Swiftie1878 · 28/08/2025 09:49

latesummerreminiscing · 28/08/2025 09:45

I don't want to be too outing but because of where they live (beautiful countryside) and the fact we are close and get on so well, it's not been a problem so far, I can work from home and we often combine it with a few days away just the three of us...it's very much Central European so we can hop on the train easily. Moreover though I feel guilty if I don't see them enough and they are besotted with their grandson and would be so sad to see him less. We've just spent a huge chunk of the summer here and tomorrow will be a very teary goodbye...

Show quote history

I was with you until you said you’ve spent the best part of the summer there. If you spend big chunks of time overseas, regularly, it would be a bit unfair on the cat to keep leaving it in a cattery or for neighbours to feed.
You need to also take account of the needs of your proposed ‘pet’.

Pepperedpickles · 28/08/2025 09:48

I think you may be under estimating how much you grow to love a cat and you won’t want to leave them. Well that’s what’s happened in our case. We thought we’d be fine leaving the cat in the well recommended cattery we found, or with adult dd cat sitting but the reality is we feel really guilty doing either so we don’t go away as much! Cat is totally spoilt 🙈😂

cattykinns · 28/08/2025 09:47

They’re being daft. Don’t let someone who doesn’t live with you, and lives in another country dictate if you can have a pet or not. Very odd. I have two cats. It’s not stopped me holidaying/visiting any family or friends in any country. I use a very good pet sitting company.

MidnightPatrol · 28/08/2025 09:46

Ignore them.

Coffeeishot · 28/08/2025 09:46

latesummerreminiscing · 28/08/2025 09:43

I know right! Catteries, lots of lovely neighbours who can help out...

Show quote history

I think you will just need to listen to your parents be a bit silly and do your own thing.