Flakes R US

Having a baby is a really intense time, it doesn't help that lots of people are only interested in a new mum when the baby is fresh, and will want to be their best friend until the novelty of said new baby wears off. If you don't speak often to these friends, they could be keeping you at arms length for this reason to protect themselves from feeling isolated in a few weeks.

Sometimes a lack of contact is a temporary thing while people adjust. I have an only child, but all my friends have 2+ kids. I've noticed contact naturally lessens in the first 6 months, and then gradually increases. It's not personal. They're just adjusting to their new normal.

Oh and for the record social media isn't indicative of how busy/available someone is. I know lots of parents of infants who will upload on social media really late at night when the baby is awake, but who will only keep close contact with their immediate circle on a day to day basis, because keeping a new human alive is incredibly overwhelming and time consuming.

This in SPADES! Bringing home a newborn isn't all sitting cuddled on the sofa, drinking tea and receiving visitors! Your body is bruised and bleeding, you're horrifically sleep deprived, possibly trying to establish breastfeeding, working out how to change nappies, dress them, wind them, sterilise shit, deal with the health visitor, feed and shower yourself and get both you and the baby out for some fresh air.

We didn't even open the presents that arrived for about 2 weeks because we were in the trenches, then we didn't write cards for another 2 months, because when you barely have time to go to the toilet or get dressed you are not prioritising sending a lovely handwritten card with a photo to everyone who's kindly sent a present. They can wait. Your screaming baby or leaking maternity pad cannot.

You also get about 100 text messages when you give birth from pretty much everyone you know, many of whom want to come over. I wanted to spend time looking after my new baby, not glued to whatsapp arranging visits and then dealing with visitors gawping at me and wanting cups of tea.

Kindly, you need to back off the new mums.

When you have a baby you have an endless stream of people wanting to visit or meet up so that on top of the fact your body has just been through something extremely traumatic and you have a tiny new human to learn how to care for it can be very overwhelming remembering to reply to everyone, organise visits or say thank you for a present.

I agree with you OP. It only takes half a minute to reply to a text or a WhatsApp. These people are just rude.

"Time on mumsnet has shown me that the last thing mothers of babies want is people messaging them or suggesting coming over/meeting up. Especially if said people are not mothers themselves!"

OMG, people in real life aren't as unfriendly.
And as for, rejecting any friends who are not mothers themselves...

I can 100% see why people don't reply to you

I leave it a few weeks if babies small. I do agree op oh we super busy. Then glued to social media. I tried a few meetups recently just felt nobody committed. Its def more flaky now yeh nobody owes me anything but manners are gone

I don't message people who have babies, especially newborn. I stop all messaging unless they ping me. (In which case I'm delighted to hear from them and obviously engage etc)

Time on mumsnet has shown me that the last thing mothers of babies want is people messaging them or suggesting coming over/meeting up. Especially if said people are not mothers themselves!

I'd hate to be someone who induces an eye roll at the other end of the screen. I back off completely until I hear from them.

Some friendships have waned. But thats ok, the most important thing is that you didn't risk annoying the mother in any way.

That is much easier than messaging lots of people individually.

These friends…. Good on them!

These people are all very sensible… keeping this OP at arms length! 😆

This is AIBU not "I'm very reasonable and everyone else isn't."
It's a place to see other perspectives.
What do you want from your thread if not other points of view?

What are they posting on social media? I do that when I’m low on energy from my bed.

They no doubt balance posting on SM with seeing friends that they want to see

Ah, this response gives a good indication as to why they aren’t keen on engaging with you

A few months ago, I gave quite a bit of time to give professional advice to my cousin's daughter (whom I've only met once,.at a funeral) about her child. It all went quiet after that, so I emailed to ask how things were.

Absolutely no reply. I messaged my cousin (her mum) to ask if I'd offended the daughter and she replied and said no, I hadn't- all.was well. Still nothing from the daughter.

Words fail me.

No offense but if your demeanor is the same irl as it is here you might have the answer....

You don't get it.

Ok so bugger all experience of having a newborn