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AIBU?

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Original poster

Money 'borrowed'

544 replies

Alice19876 · 28/08/2025 00:49

I got married three years ago. To my husband who is a tradie who works hard for our family while I stay home with our twins who are 18 months old.
I am very lucky to be a stay at home mom and my husband works very hard to provide for us we don't live beyond our means and have one holiday abroad a year and one year in England.
when we got engaged we planned a Cyprus wedding but due to Covid that fell apart and we lost about 1.5k in deposits.
due to this we decided to have a cheap uk wedding in December in a beautiful venue that does packages nothing I don't regret. Now here comes the issue, I'm an only child and when my parents were there during my engagement they was over the moon for me they even offered 10k to get married abroad and I was shocked but so thankful. But obviously due to Covid the wedding abroad it never went ahead. Since we moved the wedding to the uk and it coming a lot more my parents said it was ok the budget was still the same. While we paid other fees. ,then they made changes to the wedding ie the evening wedding food was a basic package but my dad wanted the upgrade to a hog roast which was 1.5k including other changes, my wedding dress they said not to worry so we went shopping for my dress I found a lovely one for £800 but my mom made me try on a 2.5k dress with a 1k veil and extras. But they reassured me, I'm their only child and little girl it's okay. Then added extras as their friends are coming, a harpist which they wanted etc so it came about 10k but we put the rest.

happy wedding and all good until yesterday. My parents informed me the wedding money they 'loaned' me they need back in a year. It wasn't ever a loan and I'm shocked. It's been 3 years and never mentioned once. My dad is taking early retirement this year which I don't blame him but they want the money to go on a cruise. As I mentioned I'm a stay at home mom to twins and also now another baby on the way. Where do I get this money from? When all along for 3 years plus the year before telling me not to worry. I feel sick, I have such a good relationship with my parents so I don't want this to affect our relationship. But I don't have a spare 10k they told me I shouldn't have gone on holiday this year and gave them the money instead but they have never mentioned this before!? If it was a loan it would've been paid back since we first got married. I can't sleep as I'm so worried. Aibu? Do I just take a loan out?

OP posts:
BlaBlaBlaBlaBlaBlaBlaBlaBlaBla · 08/09/2025 00:46

I’m so sorry to hear it’s been tricky and you’ve had to get lawyers involved. How did they stop you seeing your dog? So unkind

Dragonflydancer · 08/09/2025 00:44

This is so sad 🫂

Kisskiss · 08/09/2025 00:38

Alice19876 · 08/09/2025 00:31

I've just updated. It's been a few weeks of hell for me, cutting contact with my parents and losing my dog who I wasn't allowed to say bye to. Also pregnant. It's too much.

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sorru for your losses and hope you manage to find joy with your own little family

Original poster
Alice19876 · 08/09/2025 00:38

OliviaBonas · 01/09/2025 00:46

I agree with a previous poster. Instruct them to deduct it from your inheritance if they so wish.

Sorry for the late reply but as now my inheritance is just going to charity I will not be getting a 'single penny as I've been so selfish' that is there words I'm ok I will be at peace. But I've cut all contact.

OP posts:
Original poster
Alice19876 · 08/09/2025 00:31

KOALABEAR12 · 31/08/2025 22:50

15 pages of advice and yet the OP does not update us on the situation 🤔

I've just updated. It's been a few weeks of hell for me, cutting contact with my parents and losing my dog who I wasn't allowed to say bye to. Also pregnant. It's too much.

OP posts:
Original poster
Alice19876 · 08/09/2025 00:28

Mellymelson · 28/08/2025 00:53

What do they say when you tell them it was gift, not a loan?

Update.
sorry I've been mia a lot has happened. As till now lawyers are involved.,
I've got all evidence it wasn't a 'loan' my parents have said my inheritance will go to charity. Which is fine.
also my dog who we all bought together last week had to be put to sleep long story short but she stayed with parents as she loved them but I had her every two weeks or she stayed at mine. I wasn't allowed to say goodbye or be there. 16 years she was in my life.
I wish I had the answers as to why my parents have done this to me, I still cry and worry everyday, I just hope parents watching this thread never treat their children like this.
as I mentioned I'm an only child. I feel alone even though I have my children and one on the way

OP posts:
AutumnLover1989 · 01/09/2025 08:56

Itchyfeetkeepmemoving · 01/09/2025 07:03

I’d not mention that, you might find any inheritance goes elsewhere!

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I was going to say surely parents wouldn't be so fickle,then I realised this is the OP's parents we are talking about 😬

Itchyfeetkeepmemoving · 01/09/2025 07:03

OliviaBonas · 01/09/2025 00:46

I agree with a previous poster. Instruct them to deduct it from your inheritance if they so wish.

I’d not mention that, you might find any inheritance goes elsewhere!

OliviaBonas · 01/09/2025 00:46

I agree with a previous poster. Instruct them to deduct it from your inheritance if they so wish.

KOALABEAR12 · 31/08/2025 22:50

15 pages of advice and yet the OP does not update us on the situation 🤔

CoraPirbright · 31/08/2025 22:19

Have you spoken to your parents OP?

LBFseBrom · 30/08/2025 07:40

I've already said I believe your parents are being mean. However what gets me is they want some extra cash to fund holidays, a cruise! I'd have thought paying for your daughter's wedding would trump a cruise any day. If they are even thinking about cruises they can't be hard up.

AlPaccacino · 30/08/2025 01:40

They didn’t give or loan you anything. They paid the suppliers themselves. There isn’t anything to payback from you.

Diblin93 · 30/08/2025 00:17

I am astounded. They pushed up the price of your wedding, but it was a loan and they didn’t tell you that it was a loan???? Then change their minds and want their money back!!!! What parents do this???? I wouldn’t give them a penny. Let them take you to court; they haven’t a leg to stand on. If they cut you off you’re better off without them - and I really mean that you are better off without these fickle bastards.

croydon15 · 29/08/2025 22:11

You don't give to your DC with one hand and take back with the other.
Remind them who push for the additional expenses, you wouldn't have spend so much if you knew it was a loan and you can't afford it with 2 children and another one on the way.

croydon15 · 29/08/2025 21:44

Bigcat25 · 28/08/2025 01:30

They've changed their minds and presenting otherwise. I would be calling themout on the extras, such as the dress and their friends which were their idea, and that you wouldn't have agreed to had they been clear on this from the start.

They encouraged you to overspend and now want you to pay back as they have changed their mind since you are unable to do so, what are they going to do ?
There's no formal agreement , they can't make you reimburse them, do they want to go nc and loose their grandchildren, they are vbu.

BrendaSmall · 29/08/2025 20:43

DisappearingGirl · 29/08/2025 19:54

Off topic, but out of interest how did this work?

You worked all night then looked after 3 small children all day? When did you sleep?

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Yes, I would literally be awake for 36 hours twice a week, after a few times I soon got used to it!
Obviously got easier when the children went to nursery or school

DisappearingGirl · 29/08/2025 19:54

BrendaSmall · 29/08/2025 18:18

I had 3 children very close in age, I didn’t pay childcare, they stayed home with their dad!
I worked nights he worked days!

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Off topic, but out of interest how did this work?

You worked all night then looked after 3 small children all day? When did you sleep?

Account734 · 29/08/2025 19:34

Alice19876 · 29/08/2025 00:48

My husband has done work on their properties but only charged them for material where he didn't earn a penny apart from helping them out. So I really don't see how this has came about. My husband is a very good tradesman where he fixes everyone's problem.

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I would pay the money back as follows:
10k
less 1.5k for extra amount for your fathers upgrade of food package
less 2.7k upgrade for dress and veil your mother insisted on
less extras for their friends coming and harpist
less the amount your husband would have charged a regular customer for the work he has done for free on your parents place.

I'd type up the value owed and the deductions and I think depending on how much work your husband has done you'll end up with a very low bill or perhaps even be in credit. If it's a low bill I'd pay that at the same time I handed over calculations. If you are in credit, I'd send them an invoice.

Elzibub · 29/08/2025 19:14

Could you try stripping out all
the extra expense incurred like the dress cost and food cost as that was the changes they made and get the price down Somewhat that way ?

MMUmum · 29/08/2025 18:58

They've decide they want to book a cruise, they can't afford it so came up with a plan to pretend your wedding was a loan, it would never stand up in court.
Either tell them to take you to court or offer a token monthly repayment, stand up.to them but be prepared for the fall out

Pessismistic · 29/08/2025 18:39

Hi op it doesn’t sound good you but you have to be honest with them tell them you don’t have that type of money and can’t get it from anywhere and had they made it clear it was a loan you wouldn’t have took it and tell them some items they insisted on were way out of your budget but they kept telling you not to worry. Ask them why have they chosen to tell you now 3 years down the line. I would not give them anything especially if it’s just a cruise there picking a cruise over you. I would be willing to lose them after this if there not bothering with you unless you go there they don’t seem to care about you or your kids.

GiveDogBone · 29/08/2025 18:30

Wow, they either said “we’ll give you money for your wedding”, or “we’ll lend you money for the wedding”. If they didn’t use the L word, they can’t ask for the money back.

I mean I’ve never heard of anybody giving someone else money without making it clear at the start whether it’s a gift or loan…

ilovelamp82 · 29/08/2025 18:19

You could message them saying you didn't realise this is how finances were now being done in the family, but now that you know, husband will send over his invoice for £10000 for all the labour he did.

BrendaSmall · 29/08/2025 18:18

thepariscrimefiles · 28/08/2025 19:16

As I posted in reply to an earlier post saying the same ridiculous thing as you, OP is expecting another baby as well as having 18 month old twins. How easy will it be for her to get a job with a salary that will cover child care costs for three very young children and paying back the so-called 'loan' to her parents within a year?

She doesn't owe them the money. They never said that it was a loan. If it was a loan, why didn't they ask for the repayments to start straight after the wedding, three years ago, when OP was still working and didn't have any children?

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I had 3 children very close in age, I didn’t pay childcare, they stayed home with their dad!
I worked nights he worked days!

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