Money 'borrowed'

It's so bizarre that your parents are willing to ruin their relationship with their only child and grandkids over this. It's quite insane and makes no sense. Maybe some onset of dementia?

I'm so sorry that your parents have been so unbelievably ludicrous and selfish, and thrown away their entire relationship with you and their grandchildren over some deluded idea regarding the money they gave you (it was clearly initially given as a gift).
I know the fact that they're now leaving all their money the charity is only one of many changes/challenges you're facing right now, but this short article is interesting and thought I'd share it with you (it talks about challenging a will where inheritance is being left to charity as a "deliberate act of revenge against a child").
https://www.iwcprobateservices.co.uk/blog/can-i-challenge-a-will-where-everything-is-left-to-charity/

Got. Did not know that. Thanks for correcting me.

You are correct. In English/Welsh law, we have complete testamentary freedom. However, Scottish law is different, and children do have the right to claim from their parents' estates.

I think you mean English children. Britain isn’t just England.

In Scotland, you cannot disinherit your children. It’s the law.

Alice19876, Im deeply sorry to read of the passing of your dear dog. I truly know how you feel as my own (36yr) DD’s dog died v recently (only a yr older than yours). We’ve also shared him when she wasn’t able.
You must allow yourself to mourn properly for your pet.
Sending sincere condolences, keeping you in my thoughts.

British children have no legal right to an inheritance whatsoever. As far as I am aware, it has always been that way.

I felt I wanted to post my support to you as I'm so very sorry that this has happened to you. As your parents' only daughter who has done absolutely nothing wrong, I find their behaviour in-excusable, very very selfish and also short-sighted on their part.

We too have an only daughter and like you, she has two young children who are the light of our lives. We're not rich but comfortable, and like your parents retired at aged 57 and 61. All planned for over many years, keeping track of our various pensions and investments which we've mainly accumulated through lump sums from our pensions and family inheritances. We paid for her wedding and other things over the years, willingly. It's what you do for your child or children and I was always taught by my Mum 'money is a tool to be used wisely' and we've always tried to live by that motto.

So they are prepared to lose their only daughter for the price of a cruise - unbelievable!!!! I am so sorry for your pain, you are right to cut them off. And don't give them back any money - put that thought right out of your head. The early years of babies and children are so precious, it's awful they are trying to blight yours.

Please get some counselling to help you come to terms with their behaviour. Just remember you have done nothing wrong, it's all on them. Bless you, I hope you eventually find peace of mind and a way forward with your own lovely husband and young children.

@EloiseNH

I was disinherited by my parents and I just wanted to let you know that under UK law it is very very difficult for a biological parent to disinherit a child.

I don't think this is true at all. In some countries maybe, but not England.

This was very sad to read and one of the most shocking money related posts I’ve ever read on here. You must be baffled as to why they have turned in this way. If it was one parent I would be concerned about mental illness/mental decline but the fact they are both doing this makes it even more confusing. I’m very sorry and hope you can get past this and move on with your life.

I’m so sorry OP. I was disinherited by my parents and I just wanted to let you know that under UK law it is very very difficult for a biological parent to disinherit a child. I know the money in many ways is the least of the concerns when you’re confronted with a situation like this, but a lot of people don’t know this which is why I mention it. They are the real losers here who will face their elder years alone without knowing their grandchild and in turn you won’t be burdened with looking after selfish people who don’t deserve your care. For me it validated what I suspected all along about them but used to internalise / blame on myself and in time whilst the most painful wound that I could imagine to start it actually “freed” me, and I don’t know whether in time you might also see a pattern or past events in a different light now they’ve shown their true colours. YOUR family (your other half and baby) are what matters now

Do nothing.

They've got no proof it was a loan, nothing in writing. It's your word against theirs.
Certainly DO NOT set up any sort of small payment plan with them. Even a token amount. If, in the unlikely case that it did go to court, this payment plan would be used as evidence that you acknowledge it was a loan, and that's why you're making payments.

What a shitshow though. I personally think I'd struggle to get over this if it were me.

I’m so sorry Op- you’ve been treated appallingly. Fuck the inheritance although I’d be inclined to probably have messaged them “good you’ll need it all for round the clock care and I’ll never raise a hand to help you in old age.”

They are throwing their toys out of the pram because they didn't get what they wanted and are now ashamed that their unreasonable behaviour has been called out. Some parents are so damn arrogant that they will NEVER, ever accept their children saying "no" to them, because THEY are the parents and only the parents get to say "no." They have probably been boasting to all their friends about early retirment and a cruise, off the back of you casually dropping 10k into their account. Now they have to backtrack.

Thank god it happened now, because I could see decades of this occuring til they die, as they have already relished removing your inheritence - because that's all they have left to bribe/threaten you with.

Awful parents. Not what I would consider proper grown ups either. Kids bribe people because they don't know how else to get what they want.

But i think that is what it is OP. They cannot tolerate the power balance having flipped.

Take care x

The dog was 16, so I assume it was bought for the OP when the OP was a girl/teen still living at her parents' home. She says the dog was bought jointly, so they had joint ownership. From her post, it sounds like the dog remained in OP's parents home as its principal residence when she left home, but she saw doggo regularly as she retained joint ownership and obviously loved him/her. The parents had the dog put down and wouldn't let her say goodbye.

This act in itself tells you everything about these parents, and I very much doubt this is "new behaviour". It's just that the OP currently has the scales falling from her eyes, which is not uncommon when victims of parental abuse of the "death by a thousand cuts" variety have their own children.

Op doesn't owe anyone an update. If you don't have anything nice to say try keeping quiet.
It's nice to have an outcome but not necessary especially if it's not an outcome the op wanted as has happened in this case.

What grabby bastards.

Their loss. You enjoy your own loving family.

I'm so sorry OP, what your 'parents' have done to you is utterly forgivable.

It's their loss, missing out in their only child's life and grandbabies lives all for 10k. Disgusting behaviour.

I'm so sorry 😔

I am so sorry that your parents have done this to you.

💐

@Alice19876 Thank you for updating.

I am sorry that things have gone this way, but as soon as I read your OP I knew this is how it would be.

All I can assume is that they must be getting short of cash themselves and see the 10k gift/loan/scam as a way to keep their champagne lifestyle rolling for another year. Sad and shortsighted that they can prioritise that over their relationship with you.

I just read your update OP and I am sorry that it has come to this. Don't spend a fortune on solicitors, you can respond to letters yourself. Just be brief and factual.

Prior to your update, I was going to suggest mediation with your parents, so that both sides can present their case with a neutral party present to help try and resolve it. It's a bit late for that now, but might help anyone else reading this thread.

For context, my parents just offered me some money to help buy a car and their words were "we could lend you £2-3K to be repaid over 2-3 years interest free".

That makes it clear to me that it is a loan, to be repaid to them. When I got married to XH they said, we have £XXK that we can give you towards the wedding.

I am sorry that your parents have done this to you.

@Alice19876 I am sorry. Re your dog; our vet, if asked, would administer painkillers to allow an animal's people time to say goodbye. If your parents deliberately cut you out of the process that's a vindictive act and one you'd be right not to forgive.

Re the money. It may well be that your parents' threats are moot. Care costs being what they are, the Donkey Sanctuary or whatever might not see much of it either. However it goes, you're right not to acede to their attempt to rewrite history and to collate your evidence that there isn't and never was a loan. I don't have children, but I'm your parents' age and I can't imagine treating a young family member the way your parents are treating you. All the best to you and your family, including your new LO.

Don’t start paying them back as it could be seen as admission it was a loan. Simply tell them that, no, in fact there is no loan and never was and that as you have your own children they need to be prioritised. Do not take food out of your children’s mouths to appease your parents who are being ridiculous.

“StewkeyBlue · Today 09:06

How very upsetting.
No one with an ounce of kindness would keep you away from your dog.
They sound extremely controlling, wanting to use the money in the first place to stage the wedding their way, with harpist etc. I just can’t imagine any parent prioritising an extra cruise over the relationship with their only child.
You have a lovely husband and your precious babies: concentrate on keeping the happiness within your own family.”

This with bells on, OP. Your parents sound horrible. I agree with PPs who have suggested that they are finding they have less money than they thought they did. But in any case, they sound incredibly cruel. It sounds like all the discussions have ended and you’re now non-contact.

But just in case it arises again: remain very clear that it was a gift not a loan and you owe them nothing. Do NOT pay anything towards it - as a PP said, from a legal position this would look like acknowledging the debt and the 6 year limitation period for making a legal claim against you would start running afresh from every such acknowledgment.