Money 'borrowed'

I'm really sorry. That must hurt. Focus on your husband and children and forget about them. Complete NC as you have done and never feel guilt about it for one moment.

What they did about your dog is so cold and cruel. You owe them absolutely nothing ever.

Hey Op sorry about your dog this just goes to show you how heartless your dp are. It’s money they care about. It’s not you or your kids. they lied to you. it will get easier for you but it will be a bigger loss for them concentrate on your family now your dp chose this so it’s on them. If they can treat their only child like this they are not worth it. Hope the new baby fills you with joy.

I am so sorry to read your update.

Your parents are total shits. Who gives their child only £100 as a wedding gift if they can afford more? That shows the sort of people they are (and also is a pointer to the fact that they were behaving as if they had just given you a £10k gift, not a loan).

NC sounds like a good idea....

You are right to cut contact @Alice19876 Their behaviour is appalling. I wonder if they considered they would loose access to their grandchildren when they decided to lie about this sum of money?

We have had to cut contact with DHs kids. They have tried on a similar trick and for the same amount of money but luckily I had plenty of text messages from the son referring to 'the loan' so this was declared 'exhibit A' and I told him I would take him to court.

In reality, looking back, it was clear they were planning to dump us but wanted a payday into the bargain so we were stitched up. We had been nothing but kind and gracious to them so none of it made sense. They paid within three days of the NIP which just shows they had the money to pay us back after all.

The pain takes years to go though so be prepared for this. I can't speak for you but for us, it was pain mixed with being thankful we didn't have the skeevy skanks in our lives. We had made our wills so they got the lot too so that had to be sorted PDQ. Like you. We never saw the axe coming at all.

My parents did something very similar to me. Gave me a substantial house deposit - much bigger than I actually needed as they encouraged me to go for a bigger house. 3 years later, they decided it was a loan and not a gift. Despite numerous conversations about me being their only child and it would make them so happy to be able to do this for me...

They took me to court, and the law states that the onus was on me to prove it was a gift. I submitted loads of email and text exchanges but because I didn't have anything 'official', I had to start paying them back.

I've been NC ever since. It's heartbreaking that your own parents could switch the narrative like this and bring so much stress to their childs life.

Best of luck, OP. You're better off without people like this in your life!

So sorry OP. What a horrible ending to your relationship with your parents.

My love, I’m so sorry you’ve had to endure this.

it’s not right, it’s not normal and it’s not how normal parents treat their kids.

your best reply would have been at the outset, we don’t have any money spare and we didn’t spend it on the first place, you did.

ok, ffwd to now, you’ve got lawyers involved, you have proof it’s a gift, so you should know that they can’t do anything to you.

the hurt you’re feeling is harder to heal, but it will. Take your time, keep your distance and let them reap the consequences of their actions- ie they don’t get to see you, your kids for the foreseeable future

the events around your beloved dog dying and not being able to say goodbye is probably something you won’t ever forgive them for. Rightly so, it was unfathomably mean.

the raw pain of all this will pass. I promise. I cut ties with mine a long time ago and eventually you get accustomed to the situation

doesn’t mean you’re not sad about it, but it doesn’t live in your head any more, it doesn’t weigh down your heart as much.

if you ever question yourself about this, please just look at your own kids and think about if you could ever put them through what your parents are putting you through

this is the method I use to pull myself back to reality if I start to feel regretful

they chose to do this to you.

again, I’m so sorry 😘

I dont blame you being angry and disappointed. You were happy with a basic wedding package and a cheaper wedding dress. It was your parents who insisted upon upgrading all these arrangements and expensive accessories. Perhaps when they were taking over your wedding arrangements and flashing the cash about (seemingly for their benefit rather than yours) they should have thought that they might need it. I would not hesitate to remind them of this.

It's a truly shocking experience having the scales fall from your eyes when it comes to your parents. I'm so sorry for all you're going through. You will start seeing your past relationship and interactions with them differently now and the grief will come in waves. Please be gentle with yourself. But also know, it is entirely their loss not to have you and your lovely children in their lives ❤

I've only read your posts @Alice19876 , and I just want to say how sorry I am. This kind of thing is life changing. Take it easy and look after your self and your family.

Yes! And no doubt wanted the gushing thank yous in the speeches for their generosity.

Dreadful behaviour!

Sorry you had those parents. No child deserves that sort of treatment. Hope you have made a great life for yourself.

Exactly this. Parents only gave her the money to get the wedding they wanted to impress their friends. It's surprising she hasn't noticed their behaviour before but maybe she was too close to them to see it being an only child.

Sorry op.

Its horrible what they have done. It would be like you asking them 3 years after your husband did free work for them that that was a loan and they now need to pay for the labour that he did. I wonder if the labour would have been 10k it he had actually charged for it?! If they ever contact you again, ask them for the labour payment for the work done be to be taken of the loan! If they can do it, you can do it too!!

I bet they will rethink their decision when they start getting older and have no one to look after them. At least you know you are not obliged to help them in their old age!

@Alice19876 I am so sorry to see your updates. I have never suggested this to anyone before, but I would very much suggest that for your own mental health and to safeguard your physical health and the safety of your pregnancy you should go completely NC with them.

You may need counselling to process this trauma, and the loss of your beloved pet which I am so sorry for. Be honest with other family members about your reasons, don’t let them set the narrative or put the blame on you.

I am utterly shocked by the way they have treated you, as PP have said most parents would give their child their last penny. Focus on yourself and your little family and be very kind to yourself, this is not your fault. Your parents are the ones who will miss out on so much by their own actions.

I'm so sorry, OP. They sound horrible. Were they controlling towards you? It almost smacks of punishment for your being independent now that you are expecting a child of your own.

Why take out a loan? The 10k was a gift - gifts are not repayable.

Your parents are awful. What a terrible way to behave towards your daughter and grandchildren. They're going to have a very lonely old age.

In England you can leave your estate wherever you wish. No rules on inheritance except that testator must have been of sound mind and not coerced (which would be grounds for challenging a will).

That did cross my mind for a split second,but both of them getting dementia at the same time? I can't see that.

I'm suspecting serious debt or they've been scammed? Either way,their behaviour is disgusting. Odd that one parent hasn't talked the other parent out of doing this and what they could lose by their actions.

Sorry that just isn't true - apart from the fact that there isn't UK law on this as England and Wales have different rules to Scotland and NI. Assuming this is England/Wales then the OP's parent can disinherit her as long as they make it clear and they are of sound mind and not being unduely influenced (and asuming she is not a dependent which she does not seem to be). That said good riddance to them - they sound like awful people.

If they paid for things themselves too they haven’t got a leg to stand on! There being absolutely selfish! This was a gift and not a loan!

Bless you - your pain is so obvious in this post.

You are grieving now on multiple levels - for your beloved dog and for the family relationship that you thought you had.

It's awful that it's got to the stage of solicitors being involved! I don't have children, but I have beloved nieces and nephews and I can't ever imagine getting to a stage of wanting to cut them off over money, especially money that was spent on a wedding that you didn't need or want them to spend the money on.

I do wonder whether they've overestimated their own financial resources and realise they offered more than they could actually afford. If it's not that, I'd be wondering whether they're both coming down with dementia to have forgotten that they were the ones that talked you into an expensive dress and harpist!

Remember, friends are the family we choose for ourselves. Surround yourself with people who love you for being you.

Good luck OP

I’m very sorry to hear this @Alice19876 you must feel like the rug’s been ripped from under your feet and in shock. It’s good that you were able to prove it was a gift but very sad your parents have tried to twist it. Very controlling. I wish you all the best.