Money 'borrowed'

I’d get a loan and pay them back and never trust them in any way again.

We *ate the hog roast obviously!

This!! No way would I be giving it back, I’d go around and say what the fuck were you thinking? You never said or acted like this was a loan!! Dad - you wanted the hog roast!! That was 1.5k! Id have said over my dead body if you hadn’t said you were paying! Mum I had an £800 dress picked out and you wanted me to upgrade to £3000!! What the fuck?? Then you wait till I’m a stay at home mum to twins to say it wasn’t a gift and we need it back?!! You know perfectly bloody well it was always a gift and I don’t know what’s happened since, we are the hog roast and used the other extras you here so keen on but you can have my wedding dress, that’s all I have to give you. My husband is furious so thanks for that too.

And leave.

Do not take out a loan, do not pay them back. This was quite clearly a gift and 3 years later they are now wanting money and looking to your husband to give it to them. You are not earning money, he is. Any loan would be under his name as you don't have an income.

As suggested above if you ever messaged them rather than talking look back at whatsapp, it allows you to search in messages, I mean surely the harpist was mentioned by either you, your Dh or your parents.

Your relationship is forever tainted by this. I would stand firm and put it in writing to them stating this is the first time they have ever mentioned wanting paying back and it has been 3 years since you were married. You believed, as did your Dh, that this was a gift as their only child and daughter and that you are shocked they have now said it was a loan. Do not mention anything about not being able to pay them back, just that it was received as a gift. I mean it has been 3 years, you have twins and are pregnant again. This is appalling behaviour by them.

Have they ever done anything like this before?

Your parents sound awful. You were choosing cheaper options for a budget wedding and they encouraged you to go for the more expensive options and add unnecessary extras such as the harpist and the hog roast by telling you that you are their only child and it was OK.

It sounds as though they conned you into having a more extravagent wedding for show and so that their friends could be invited and have now completely moved the goal posts.

I would speak to a solicitor to double check the legal position which hopefully will be that you don't owe them anything, and I would then stop seeing them.

Point out all the things they wanted and not you. You did it because they were paying for it. You don't have the money and cant pay it back as it was their choice.

I echo many other posters’ thoughts.

Another possibility is that they feel they are entitled to a certain standard of retirement and that it’s the daughter’s responsibility to provide it. If this is the case, and you give them 10k, then they will continue to expect similar amounts on a regular basis. ‘You can afford it. Your husband is earning well. It’s your responsibility. We paid for your wedding so it’s the least you can do’.

Op you are going to have to have an awkward conversation with them and be clear it was not a loan. Do not pay them back.

This is mad op! Have never heard anything like it. I really do think you need to stand your ground here and say no! It was never, ever mentioned as being a loan, if it was, you wouldn’t have taken it because you knew you were planning to have a family and so would be on reduced income. They offered it as a gift, you accepted it as such. End of.
We have both loaned and gifted dd money. We were all totally aware of which was which!

Yes this.

I understand that you don't want your relationship to be affected but it is, either way, and that is the result of their shitty behaviour and nothing you've done.

You have two options: you stand up to them and remind them that it was never a loan and refuse to pay any money to them. The other option is to cave into their terrible behaviour and place you and your husband and children into serious financial difficulty.

There is no way I'd be paying them anything.

I'm so sorry they've decided to treat you like this, OP.

What - so they can post their version? 😉

It's quite pedantic to correct this.......but I love it 🙂🙂

“I'm an only child”
So your parents, having insisted in an expensive evening do, and an expensive wedding dress and veil, are now demanding money that you had not unreasonably assumed was their contribution towards your wedding. I can’t believe they’d do this when you have twins and another baby on the way. They do know that legally, they don’t have a leg to stand on? Would they really be prepared to fall out with their only daughter and lose contact with their grandchildren, all to be able to go on a cruise? It’s not as though they need the money for vital house repairs, or health care. Sorry, OP, but your dear parents are being astonishingly unreasonable, and your DH is entirely justified in being angry with them. As for what to do about it, tell them there is no loan agreement; you are not in a position to give them the money that you and your DH had assumed was a gift, so they’d better knock it off your inheritance.

He isn’t going to fall out with his dd though, as he is banking on op caving, and paying it back. And being embarrassed that she got it ‘wrong’. They are gas lighting op to believe they had said it was a loan all along, and they know how avoidant she is - as they raised her that way - fait accompli

A master stroke of dictating the wedding and ensuring it was lavish without having to pay for it. It’s now being recast as a ‘misunderstanding’

Some people have suggested paying a small amount back each month . Please DON'T do that as if you make payments it is evidence that you accept there was a loan so if your parents take it further they can use the repayments you make as evidence that the money was a loan.

As others have said, read back on all the text and messages exchanged at the time and screenshot them.

Be careful about what you say in text messages to them.

If you don't own a house or have lots of savings the reality is that they can't recover the money even if anyone was satisfied it was a loan.

Hope you can put this to one side and focus on your pregnancy and health . It will undoubtedly affect the ongoing relationship between your DH and them and therefore their relationship with the GC all for the sake of a cruise

Thinking further into it….

If Dad is taking early retirement, that £10k is probably only a few extra months work. Even after tax!

Just why would you fall out with your only DD over a few months work.

Delay plans for six months.

So their only gift was £100 from your parents really ! Some guests spend more than that ! Nah me thinks daddy needs the money as he’s taken an early retirement he can’t afford . Bloody cheek tell them you were never informed it was a loan and the extras they insisted on weren’t your idea I’m sure they are not going to fall out with their only child and jeopardise them seeing their only grandchildren

You’re not in the wrong.

Your parents have tainted your relationship for ever more.

They are fools.

Tell them it was clearly a gift and you're not going to repay them. Really consider if you want people who would act like this in your lives, they have no integrity.

They obviously regret giving you the money now. They can't make you pay it back. Don't take out a loan.

That makes it a 100% worse! A pre planned ‘loan’ to ensure they had a showy wedding and op would foot the bill eventually.

Op seems unusually worried about challenging them or falling out in any way too. It makes me question why as she should be safe to talk to them about anything.

I think that it was their plan from the very beginning.

@Alice19876 they are going to have a very sad and quiet christmas this year, arent they? for all their saying, you are our only child and little girl. pretty sure you would not have booked a harpist for your wedding off your own back! they are behaving terribly. tell them to take it out of your inheritance.

I just wouldn’t engage with this at all. Getting involved with some serious attempt to prove them wrong is pointless. It suggests that they made some kind of mistake and will understand if you give them evidence that they are mistaken. They’re just feeling emotions and have decided the emotions are reality. Unfortunately for you, the emotions are greed, envy and boredom,

This is just like when you were made to go and play with the annoying needy girl at primary school and she gives you her best toy to show off how many toys she has, which you didnt even want but she insists on you going home with, and then complains to her mum that you took the toy because she wants it back. They have just persuaded themselves that it’s their money even though they gave it away, because they want it. They ate the cake and now they want the cake. I’m afraid you don’t have much reality for them compared to their own immediate feelings. Ignore it.

Do you text/ WhatsApp them at all if so I’d look back through messages from 3 or 4 years ago and see what you can find. Or look at messages to your husband at that time as I bet you messaged about the harpist etc and see what you have in writing. The £100 gift is very odd. If it was a loan and you’re an only child that’s a very small gift and if it was a gift it seems very strange they gave you a token gift like that too. Someone else asked if they were thanked in wedding speeches or something I think that’s a good question. They’ve behaved very poorly but it would be good if you can find something to prove it was a gift.