Money 'borrowed'

I wouldn’t pay them anything at all. If it ends up in small claims court that could be seen as a loan agreement, which it wasn’t. I’d just tell them that as far as you were concerned it was a gift and if they had told you at the time it had to be repaid you would never have spent the kind of money they talked you into.

OP what they’ve done is decided that they want to go on a cruise and can’t afford it, so they’ve dressed their wedding contribution up as a loan so they get their holiday and you end up paying for it. That’s reprehensible and I would refuse to even discuss it again, and let them get on with whatever action they want to take. They will have to take you to small claims court and even then you can’t pay what you don’t have - not that you would need to, as with nothing in writing they’d be laughed out of court and they would have to add court costs to the ‘debt’.

Is that 'financial difficulty' being unable to afford a cruise? They might get a bit more sympathy if they were struggling to pay their heating bills or for food. Even so, you'd think they'd ask for a loan - or even a donation - rather than pretending a gift they gave willingly was actually a loan they are entitled to have back.

i would remind them that you wanted a cheaper dress but your mum wanted a more expensive one that she paid for. That your dad wanted the more expensive food package that he paid for etc. that’s where the 10k went they spent it not you
I would remind them that at no point did they say it was a loan and they can’t change it into one now so you owe them nothing

point out you don’t have the money anyway so tough

Your dad wants to retire early and they’ve realised how expensive it is and now they want some more money so they can holiday and have an easier retirement! They are being CFs of the highest order.

the way they have behaved is insane. Please don’t pay them back. It’s 3 years since the wedding and first time this has been called a loan. It’s awful.

Are they developing some sort of dementia and genuinely believe it was a loan? Or did your mother think it was a gift and encouraged all the spending and your father had intended it to be a loan?

I just don't understand why they would suddenly cause upset by asking for it back?? But then again people are strange 🤷‍♀️

They are aiming for early retirement and a cruise! For gods sake

It may help to sit down with them, the wedding costs and a high level outline of your current budget.

Then start out with acknowledging that all round there has been a misunderstanding. At the time you took the £10k as being their contribution to the wedding costs, and that as such, you as a couple were happy for them to choose how some of that was spent. That all your choices were based on that, but now given what they’re saying you can see that was a significant mistake. That everyone needs to take some responsibility for.

If it was a loan, then your parents should not have been making changes to the costs of the wedding. They should be able to acknowledge that.

And work out what costs are ‘theirs’ because they added them to the wedding bill. And what’s ‘yours’. Then a repayment plan for the bit that’s yours. At an affordable rate for you (similar to what a court would impose). Which might be £10 a week.

Realistically, it won’t move forward as a topic until the epic mix up (let’s be generous) is acknowledge including that some of what they did wasn’t ok if it was a loan.

No documentation. No discussion. Their word against your word. Parents have no legal recourse. They can of course exert emotional pressure and disapproval. Likely you’ll all fall out over this.

Lesson being,if you lend money. Be explicit. Document it.
It is all v unfortunate
They will exert disapproval it will be uncomfortable, however you shouldn’t pay

"...nothing I don't regret." You mean, you do regret it?

"...they was over the moon for me..." Was they indeed. :-)?

Your parents are being mean asking for you to pay back what was not a loan and you should say so, firmly. They insisted on adding expense at the time, not you. The whole thing cost an awful lot of money which really was not necessary but they wanted to do it for their only daughter.

However I do wonder if they have now found themselves in some financial difficulty. Please do ask them, carefully. They may not want to tell you but I think they owe you an explanation for why their generous gift has turned into a loan some years down the line.

but when I looked, 139 people had voted and the percentage was 97%

Send them a message reminding them what happened - how they increased the costs significantly and that you would not have gone for those additional costs had you known they expected you to pay for it. Tell them clearly that you cannot pay them back £10k.

You are going to have to accept that your relationship with them is broken - it is hard to imagine parents doing this to their DC. Disgraceful on their part.

This is absolutely disgraceful of them. You need to sit down and explain this to them. They were adding on extras that you would have never had, if you had known it was a loan. A loan was NEVER mentioned. U need to stop being all oh I must have misunderstood. I know h don’t want to fall out but ffs you are letting them walk all over u.

Tell them categorically that you cannot pay it back in 1 year under the circumstances. If they do indeed insist on getting it back I would be telling them that this is going to seriously effect your relationship if there will be any relationship left at all.

Worse of all they want the money for a cruise. Omg wtf, it isn’t like there roof is on its last legs, I’d be absolutely fuming and so hurt.

I bet your dad was acting like billy big bollocks at the time,how he paid for the wedding.Bragging to everyone. This is so wrong no mention for three years,suddenly you have to pay it back because they want a cruise .No way should you be paying anything back .

She wasn't a borrower. She was talked into the more extravagent options by her parents, the hog roast, the most expensive wedding dress, inviting lots of her parents' friends. She wasn't planning to do any of this until her parents intervened. They didn't say that it was a loan so they can't expect OP to pay back the money.

Lots of parents pay for their daughters' weddings so OP wasn't being unreasonable to believe that was what her parents were doing, i.e. making a financial contribution to the costs of the wedding.

They have now completely moved the goal posts in telling her that it was a loan that needs to be repaid in a year for them to afford their cruise.

But she didn't "borrow" the money. It was presented to her as a gift from her parents which is very very normal when someone gets married, though to varying degrees. Her parents encouraged her to spend more than she had planned and told her not to worry, she's their only child, they'll cover it: again implying that the money was a gift.
Now they want a fancy cruise, and are asking for the money back. They have behaved very badly.

I thanked my parents for a wedding gift worth far less than £100. Yes, they could have afforded a lot more but that never even crossed my mind. I was grateful for the gift and had a very happy wedding day.

This - I’d be sitting them down and making clear a) that it was offered without conditions and accepted at the time on the understanding that it was a gift and b) that the fact that they would want to put their DGC’s financial security at risk by demanding it back or insisting you get a loan is, frankly, one of the most cruel and unloving acts you and and your DH have ever heard of, and c) on that basis, if they want to continue a relationship with your children, they owe you both an apology!

It sounds a big part of the money went on financing their wedding wishes anyway.

Maybe you can write them a letter/email. Say that you've never realised they ment it as a loan, and that you agreed to some of their preferences for your wedding as you saw it as them financing their choices.

Subtract from the 10 000 anything spend on their choices.

For example -they paid 3500 for a dress with veil, you were happy with 800 dress, offer them those 800
The same with anything they paid for.
Offer them to pay that heavily reduced sum in installments and call it a clean break.

I’m speechless, I couldn’t just read and run, but I’m just can’t get my head round it.

as others have said. Just point out that it was them that wanted the extras and whereas you really enjoyed it all, you would never have had all that if you were paying, you booked the basic and was happy with the cheaper dress but no they then booked the hog roast they said the dress was on them they wanted extra guests.

im sorry but just asking you for the money and setting a unrealistic time frame (I have children with young families no way could they find that sort of money) the damage is done for your relationship with them. Tell them not to spend another penny on you or your children but don’t pay anything back to them.

send them the comments people have put on here, and go and play with your babies, don’t give them another thought

I wouldn't give them anything. They never said it was a loan, no terms were ever agreed. They can't just decide that you need to find £10,000 to give them in the next year for a cruise. I know you say you have a good relationship but they are either very cruel or just ignorant to the current climate to think a SAHP to young DC and a tradie can just magic up £10,000 in a year without it causing them significant difficulty. I could never do this to my DC, I wouldn't even do it if I was desperate for the money, doing it to go on a cruise makes it even worse.

I would just say ' what are you talking about, you wanted us to have a fancy wedding! It's 3 years later! We can't pay you back especially as we don't owe you anything!"

Invite your dh parents to the family meeting. It's a massive ask, them wanting to take ?£10k off you, at least without interest.

I think when you suggest a big family meeting they will back the fuck down.

They gave their only DD a £100 gift card for her wedding?

This cannot be the only example of their awful behaviour, people don't change that much. Why now?

That’s awful.. I’d say there was no mention of it being a loan and if it was, you wouldn’t have agreed to their requests to spend more on the wedding. Tell them if they want it back you’ll deduct those amounts and you’ll need to pay it back in installments as you don’t have it sitting around. I’m not sure if you have siblings to talk to.. but this will affect your relationship with them. My ex mil lent my ex h about £1k years before we met (he was a teenager and it was the late 80s) to buy a car. She had given more money to his sibling and he never had to pay it back but just after we married she randomly asked for it back in one lump. It wasn’t my debt and I had no idea about it and it was about 10 years previous. We gave it to her but it wasn’t like she needed it right there and then and it did feel unfair how one sibling had to pay it back but the other didn’t.. despite that sibling earning way more. But we couldn’t argue because my ex h knew it was a loan and tbh he should have paid it back in installments before he met me!

I only give my adult child money or make it clear if it’s a loan. Mine doesn’t like borrowing money so it’s rare - I’m more likely to buy something they need and they pay me back. I usually don’t ask for the full amount because I’m more comfortable at my stage of life and they work hard and are not frittering money away. I like to help and they don’t take advantage of that.

Ha! I was just thinking this sounds like a Judge Judy case, and then I read your post!