Money 'borrowed'

If the dad needs care in old age the local authority will calculate his share of the house and apply it to care fees if he has to go into a home. I’d be getting his name off the deeds and pronto before the LA can accuse them of deprivation of assets.

You don't owe them this money. This is so ridiculous I am finding it hard to believe.

We're the missed calls from your mum about the "loan" or was she calling to apologise?

This is definitely not a loan as you've described it. You spent more at their insistence. If they still insist on you paying, then absolutely do not pay for all of the upgrades they wanted and you didn't plan for in the original budget.

List for them every single expensive item and add-on that they pushed you into having on the promise that they wanted to pay for them. Ask them how any of that could conceivably be consistent with this being a loan.

Do you have texts and messages from that time? It could well be worth looking through them for any references to the money being a gift.

I must say, if as a parent the only money I had actually given towards my child's wedding was #100, I would be positively ashamed even to admit it.

Can you go back through your emails and WhatsApp/text messages to see if the use the word lend or give. Double check that

As I posted in reply to an earlier post saying the same ridiculous thing as you, OP is expecting another baby as well as having 18 month old twins. How easy will it be for her to get a job with a salary that will cover child care costs for three very young children and paying back the so-called 'loan' to her parents within a year?

She doesn't owe them the money. They never said that it was a loan. If it was a loan, why didn't they ask for the repayments to start straight after the wedding, three years ago, when OP was still working and didn't have any children?

Your parents sound awful. I would go and see them and make it clear that they told you it was a gift at the time of giving. Had they told you it was a loan you would not have accepted and would have kept the wedding within your original budget. List the extras that you didn't want but they did and the context around it. They will lose far more than you in this. Let them know if they want the gift repaying what payments you can make ie £10 a week. Don't refer to it as a loan and minimise contact. Enjoy your pregnancy, they should be embarrassed of their behaviour x

Tell them to take it off your inheritance. They can't change their mind now, 3 years after they encouraged you to spend the money as if it was a gift.

You can book a cruise for a lot less than 10k.
If they wanted the money for surgery then I’d try and give them something but it’s pretty clear this wasn’t a loan and they don’t need 10k for a cruise. Just tell them you haven’t got it.

Legally it was not a loan.

No contract was entered into and therefore no repayments can be enforced legally.

No court would enforce this as a loan unless there is evidence that it was a loan.
Actions also matter. Do not act as though this is a loan. Tell them you thought it was a gift and it was presented as a gift. Tell them you have no means to pay this back.

The personal aspect is more difficult but they are being horrific doing this and I think you should remind yourself that they are the ones doing that to you and not the other way around. So it is them who should feel bad, and not you.

You shouldn’t have to pay them back. It sounds like they gave you the money, then had a massive say in how to spend it. If it was a loan, then they really shouldn’t have upgraded to the hog roast, booked the harpist etc.

Not many people have that option. I've 2K in savings and got it by going without. Anyone asking me for 10K would be very sorely disappointed.

Has your mum managed to get in contact with you on the phone?

I wonder if you could work out which bits your parents upsized and take it off the total now owed. For example the cost of the original meal was x but your dad changed the order for a hog roast costing an extra 1.5k which you shouldn’t have to pay for.

part of me would be quite bloody minded and pay the whole thing back and minimise contact

Thank you for this! I forgot to look to see what this "person" really wrote.

Sounds to me like it's someone who thinks her children should be her bank because she fed and clothed them for a few years. So, now they owe her. Probably draws up a loan contract if she goes to lunch with one of her children, if there are any unfortunate enough to share her DNA.

Hey OP. You obviously can't possibly pay this back in a year, not least with maternity leave. I would speak directly to them and tell them that if they have changed their minds about the terms of the gift you will begin to pay it back in manageable installments, whatever that looks like. I would also tell them that their sneaky behaviour has fundamentally damaged your relationship and have as little as possible to do with them in the future.

Looks to me as if they've been living beyond their means and see you and your DH as the means to their next cruise. Out of interest, does your DH earn well? I wonder if that's influenced their thinking.

Fuck 'em. If they can't accept gradual repayment, let them try and prove it was a loan in court.

This, OP.
Do NOT accept or imply in any communication that you owe them ANY money.
Pay nothing.
Do not agree to repaying anything, under any terms.
Check everything they have said to you, make sure they haven't mentioned repayment or loan, and don't panic.
For a loan to be repayable there has to be an agreement between you. It sounds like there is nothing that remotely resembles a contract between you.
Talk to citizen's advice. Ask the question on the Mumsnet legal board.

If I paid them anything back at all it would be just for what you choose. Would I heck give the extra money spent for the wedding dress or hog roast. I don't think they can state it wasn't a gift when you were pushed you into more expensive choices. By saying it's fine, your our only daughter, I think it was a gift but now they want to go on a cruise and don't have the money. Seems rather crappy behaviour though especially when you're pregnant and £100 as a wedding gift for your only child is mean in my opinion.

You’ll have to get a job so you can pay them back!

This!! 💯

Objectively what they have done is quite nasty. They have suddenly decided that they want money they clearly gave you back for a holiday. They’ve not cared about the impact on you as a single parent, on their grandkids, and are causing you this upset, which of course it would cause to anyone this happened to.

Even if you could afford it, there is no way you should be paying them a penny. If you loan money, you make that clear when you loan the money and the other party gets to decide whether they agree to the loan conditions or not. They can not change the "terms" 3 years later.
I would not pay just to keep the peace either. They may have financial issues but, if that is the case, the way they are going about this is not ok. The problem is that no matter how this ends your relationship may be irrevocably damaged. You pay and you will resent it forever or you don't pay and they will resent it forever. I know which scenario I would choose though. One thing I would do, though, is to put it in writing (by email or text) that this was never a loan.

YANBU this is outrageous behaviour and cheeky fecker territory. They wanted the upgrades to show off to their friends and now you are paying for it.

I would struggle to maintain any relationship with them after this. You don't sound particularly close to them and they never visit you.

So they dictated what you had at your wedding, revelled in the glory of looking like the big “I am” who paid for the wedding, gave you a shitty gift card as a present and are now claiming they told you it was a loan and demanding it back? Wow! Their behaviour is classless and awful op. Tell them you’re heartbroken that they’ve treated you this was and that you can’t afford it.

I suspect one of them has routinely been overspending (is there one of them that's more spendy/has more access to the bank accounts than the other?). The other one has found out that they don't have as much in savings, or more in debt, than they thought, and they have shat it and are scrambling around trying to work out how to sort things.

But that isn't your fault!