AIBU to feel convinced that most people view crying, even if it's an appropriate/logical response to a stressful or upsetting situation, as being soemthing that is inherently shameful or a sign that someone is a weak person?

Absolutely this! Can't stand the emotional vampires who manipulate people with their 'poor me, poor me' tears and use it to get out of work tasks.

I got caught in a rain storm earlier, I went to the group where I have my outreach wellbeing meet up on a Wednesday each week, but I was completely soaked when I arrived and honestly when i got into the building i felt close to tears and i could feel my voice going blubbery/shaky when i walked in because i just felt like i must have looked so unkempt when i arrived with my clothes and shoes sopping wet etc.

I think the example you have given is weakness, crying because you got caught in the rain and thought you looked a mess doesn’t seem like a reason to cry.
I think sometimes it’s weakness and sometimes it’s not, just depends on the situation

It is...but for some people a strong emotion is not getting what they want, whereas for others it is the death of a parent. I would class crying because you are experiencing a strong emotional reaction to not getting what you want, for example, as a sign of weakness.

Agreed

Honestly yes. I probably would judge someone as lacking resilience if they cried because they got wet in the rain
Im also old school enough to believe that crying frequently at work is unprofessional.

Sometimes it's last straw thing on a shit day and you've held it in. Or you've been holding emotion in for a long time. Crying at an outreach wellbeing group should surely be ok? I've cried at trivial things but it's rarely about that thing.

Generally strong emotions need an outlet, particularly anger, frustration and sadness. Sometimes you have to hold it in at one time, but a lot of bad things happen when people bottle emotions up, are not emotionally literate, can't work out why they feel that way or don't have an outlet or someone to talk to.

Like being a parent of young children is so hard as you have to hold yourself in at home and at work and don't always have time to process how you feel, you are knackered, you are the last person on your own list and your patience reserves can wear thin. I became depressed as a result and suffered from stress and anxiety.

I agree, OP. Crying over trivial things is seen as a but pathetic.

I love a cry, but I’d not do it at work or in any environment where I felt embarrassed to do so.

Being able to control yourself is part of being an adult. Most adults don’t openly cry because they stub their toe, or something goes wrong at work - that would be childish and inappropriate.

Crying everyday over small things is a worrying sign.

I do understand this. But on the other hand I do find that on anti-depressants I can't cry, even when going through some really hard life events. Except when watching films. It's very weird.

I don't ask publicly for recommendations though!

Not at all. It's been months since our elderly, lovely retriever died but I was in the supermarket yesterday and was buying some yoghurt. I suddenly thought of how I would buy him yoghurt to help his digestion and was moved to tears. Silly, I know but I couldn't help it.

If someone burst out crying because they got caught in the rain I'd probably presume they were struggling with life in general and it was a tip of the iceberg type thing. I think that's more emotionally intelligent than viewing it as "weakness."

Thanks so much for this.
I wonder how much luck parents have counteracting the messages boys get from the age of eleven?

I’ve also worked with enough people to realise that some people’s tears are simply an expression of frustration / other emotion and not necessarily an “I’m so upset I can’t cope” thing. Little difference between crying and shouting in that case, but one is much better tolerated.

I think the idea that shedding a tear means you’re so upset you can’t cope is such a fallacy. I too often see people at the worst times in their lives, sometimes my role means I’m actively making things worse in the short term. Often the tears enable people to cope, they’re able to express and move through their feelings to a more settled place and find a way forward. I’d be pretty shit at both my professional roles if I couldn’t cope with tears and upset, or if I judged someone for being upset.

Omg ‘a little cry’ makes me feel murderous!

I’ve spent a large part of my working life dealing with people who are having the worst day of their lives - I am completely comfortable around tears.

I’ve also worked with enough people to realise that some people’s tears are simply an expression of frustration / other emotion and not necessarily an “I’m so upset I can’t cope” thing. Little difference between crying and shouting in that case, but one is much better tolerated.

Do I prefer it when people generally keep their emotions under control, yes, but I don’t mind it on the odd occasion they don’t because it’s just a part of being human. I’m one of the most self controlled people you can meet but even I have had the odd moment!

I wfh and yesterday was the first anniversary of my dad dying. I burst into tears in a Teams call today when I was told to cheer up as I sounded miserable

People cry for lots of reasons, I understand that and have no problem with that generally. However my boss cries at any kind of upset, slight, problem (generally caused by them), they are a crap manager and they know this and use crying as a deflection.

Also, I don't think that the opposite of constant crying is being "happy go lucky", having a 'seemingly endlessly positive attitude towards life' or being happy or carefree AT ALL.

Ime most people's emotions are largely at a stable equilibrium point where they aren't particularly sad but aren't necessarily especially positively happy either - maybe 'reasonably content' or 'mustn't grumble' but y'know, they'd also rather stay in bed with a cup of tea than have to go to work, and don't like getting caught in the rain either.

An adult being relentlessly cheerful and positive all the time in daily life would also strike me as strange and I would assume they are being fake.

An occasion that merits tears? Especially if it’s the only way to avoid having to buy the bloody thing…

Good point.
Only did it once, in the changing rooms of a shop when, whilst trying on a shoddily made item and coouln't get it off again over my normal-sized head.

As to your question whether people have a very negative view of tears, ime, I find most people have a reasonable attitude. They expect them in situations where strong feelings are proportionate, but less so for everyday things. Personally, I think that's about right. I'm not overly keen on the emerging preoccupation with emotions, and feelings bring constantly validated, and being pushed front and centre. It can be distracting, distort reality and have a negative impact on other people.

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6795704/
Lits of interesting research on crying here. Until the age of 11 boys and girls tend to cry the same amount. After 11 boys are discouraged from crying by everyone, mothers, fathers, schools, peers. There is no evidence that girls/women are biologically programmed to cry more. However, it is seen as a sign of weakness in men and society would on the whole be horrified by a man crying at work. It is seen as a childish response and embarrassing. Society is much more tolerant of women who cry. Generally the response to adult women who cry is the same as to a child. We try to comfort and support a crying woman. Society has a completely different response to a crying man.
It is interesting that there is no biological reason for women to cry. This study suggests it is not linked to menstruation/ menopause although a lot of women maintain that crying is more common at these times.

I think my childhood has also impacted my attitude to crying, although indirectly. I grew up with a sister who cried multiple times every single day. Shes 45 and still cries loads. It has made me massively intolerant of tears. My instinctive reaction is often to roll my eyes!

It depends on the crying. If I knew you cried easily when upset about something I would just accept that and continue talking to you normally. If I thought it was manipulative I’d probably go away until you stopped. If I thought the tears were from deep distress I’d try to comfort you.

I don't regard crying itself as a sign of weakness, it's a natural expression of distress and a good cry helps to get the emotions out the way so practicality can take over.

My 23 year old was crying in my arms the other night at the impending death of our family dog. The dog has cancer, so it's one day at a time. We cried together.

But OP, feeling close to tears every day is not usual. It's still not a sign of weakness, but it does indicate an underlying issue.

I have NEVER viewed it that way.