To think that not toilet training your child is seriously irresponsible?

Why do you think by 3 it should be done? Mine were both 3.5 before they trained. But at that stage they picked it up very quickly with minimal accidents. I had tried when they were about 2.5 but they just hated it, constantly weed on the floor and said they were afraid of the potty.

Kids should be trained by school age (in the absence of any additional issues) but prior to that nobody should be telling anyone else when their own dc ‘should’ be trained by. Everyone’s kids are different, everyone’s circumstances are different, everyone’s approaches are different. It’s nobody else’s business.

The average age of toilet training has gone up.

Clearly, I don't mean babies, but by 3 years old other than for SEN, children should be largely toilet trained. Some will have the occasional accident but regular accidents should not be occurring.

You can make all the excuses you want but working parents with children in nursery/ other childcare settings have managed to toilet train their children for decades. Some do take longer but not on the scale it is happening at the moment. It's not always easy or convenient but it is possible.

Really? My 2 are 11 and 5 and both went to a private nursery and the staff were very helpful and encouraging with potty training with both.

Surely SEN has existed forever - we just weren’t as aware of it?
But this ‘nappy at age 5’ is a relatively new thing. My daughter’s class, 10 years ago, had no-one in nappies. Last years Reception class had 4 out of 30 in nappies. How has this become a thing?

Kids are different, and there are lots of factors that make it harder or easier to potty train.
DD: started at 18 months, because she was interested, while I was on maternity leave with DS during covid. No nursery to contend with, child who loved to be good and be praised, we were home or outside most of the time so there was always somewhere for a quick wee. We'd used cloth nappies up until that point. She was trained by 2

DS: started at 3 as per lots of advice about readiness. Nursery 3 days a week (who were not very helpful), he didn't seem to have a good sense of when he needed to go and was totally unwilling to stop when he was doing anything. Very stubborn child. We were much busier. We'd started with cloth nappies, but he'd outgrown the ones we had so I'd switched to disposable by that time. Started school at 4 and 1 month. He was having accidents all through reception.

Maybe he has SEN, but it's certainly not diagnosed at just 5. We worked on potty training a lot, so it definitely wasn't laziness. It wasn't necessarily him either, though, but a lot of other factors.

In retrospect, I think the current advice to wait until they are "ready" is really unhelpful. If I was doing it again I would start a lot earlier.

who knows
perhaps they are all sen?
hard to judge

But they’re not being paid to parent them? Support with toilet training yes but not do it completely.

The needs of children arriving to nurseries/pre-school and Reception are increasing all of the time. Behaviour, eating/drinking, self care (toileting, wiping own nose, taking coat on /off), social skills and that’s before any phonics, early reading, writing and maths has taken place. There’s only so much nurseries and schools can do.

Parenting is glamourised by social media but the most important parts of parenting can fall
short. Just reading this thread I can see parents thinking it’s poorer families or families with children with additional needs who are accounting for the children in nappies figures but I’m coming across more and more children who are capable of being toilet trained (I know this as we are able to support families with this) who didn’t want to persevere or even start!

Years ago, I worked in an Early Years Unit with 3 - 5 year olds and none of them came to us in nappies and only a few had issues with cleaning after a poo.

I can’t imagine the time wasted if a large percent are coming in needing nappies.

Im not saying those aren’t factors but the biggest hurdle I’ve seen in last 5/10 years is middle class parents who can’t bear to see their children upset and won’t encourage them.

If you are toilet training why is he in nappies?

I really don’t know why posters jump on a thread about parents’ laziness about toilet training and go “yawn” or “zzzzz”. It’s not as though there are that many threads about it and it is a big problem in early years now.

Seems like an important parenting issue to me.

Take leave to train your own child. 2.5 years is normally the perfect age, not too young, not too stubborn. Nursery will help if it's clear the child has been trained somewhat.

training for two days and sending to nursery is completely unacceptable

You saying there was no way you were going to take leave to train is indicative of the whole issue.

Potty training is a responsibility that should be taken seriously. If you need to take leave - take leave.

Parents that half heartedly train over the weekend and then expect the nursery staff to pick up the slack really make me cross.

I had thought about this, I tried using unpaid leave earlier in the year to cover my childs sickness and was told no I had to use holiday, so I'm not sure how that will go down.
I will need to read up on the legalities as I thought we were entitled to a certain amount of unpaid parental leave.
Thank you for the advice.

Another one whose child effectively took 18mo from starting potty training to being reliably dry and asking for the loo. Definitely the most stressful parenting stage so far! I was terrified that he wouldn’t be ready to start school.

Mine weren’t accepted into nursery, aged 3, until they were toilet trained. I think it’s changed now though, as teachers are reporting children still being in nappies starting school.

Unless there are special needs involved, there’s no real excuse for children not being toilet trained at school starting age.🤷‍♀️

So true.

It does happen. I retired from teaching 10 years ago and it was happening then.

Equally the nappy industry has managed to convince parents to wait for 'readiness' which is a load of rubbish. The median age for potty training increased dramatically after disposable nappies were invented but people will argue til they're blue in the face that their 3.5 year old still isn't 'ready'.

Can you ask for some unpaid leave? As you say, a week off will nail it

I'm currently trying to get my almost 3 year old out of nappies.
I've been trying all summer.
What is making it hard is the fact that she goes to nursery 5 days a week whilst I work, so whilst she is mostly nappy free at the weekend, weekdays she is back in nappies as when we try and go nappy free at nursery she will have 6/7 accidents and they ask to put her back in pull ups.
A week off work would probably help get it nailed and stop the confusion for her of in and out of nappies, but I had to use all AL earlier in the year to cover sickness.
I'm not condoning sending children to school in nappies.
If anyone had any advice for my situation, I'll gladly take it!

Parents just don’t take responsibility for anything that is a hassle.
if your child has no SEN issues and you are not toilet training them, then you are just lazy !

I think it totally depends on the child. I started toilet training both my children when they were 2. DC1 got the hang of it within 2 weeks. DC2 took almost 2 years - he started off being able to wee in a potty as long as he wasn't wearing any clothes on his bottom half, then managed with clothes, but was really scared of pooing in a potty or toilet and started refusing to poo. Because he only pooed at home, he was "out of nappies" in preschool, and wore pants with no problems, but still wasn't fully toilet trained. I used resources from ERIC and gradually worked through various stages until he was fully independent by to the time he started reception.

It certainly wasn't laziness on my part - it involved a lot more time and effort toilet training the slow learner than the fast one, and I felt so much pressure (mostly from threads like this) to speed things up, but I know so many children who had long term physical damage from withholding poo and I'm really glad that I was able to prevent that in his case.

So yes, some parents are probably lazy and neglectful, but I've met plenty more who were diligent and committed to supporting a child who was, for whatever reason, outside the norm.

And it's all very well making an exception for kids with SEN, but in many cases, difficulty with toilet training is an early indication of something that won't be diagnosed for years.

My child is SEN 4yo in nappies (I know that bit isn’t the discussion). When talking with LA to discuss how she will go to school I was told many children start school in nappies it’s no problem.

in my daily life though I haven’t met a kid over 3 not toilet trained who isn’t SEN.

i am curious for those who say schools won’t accept them in nappies, how is that possible, they legally have to go.

This is why it’s helpful to train whilst the ratios are 1-5 in the toddler room, rather than 1:8/1:13 in the preschool room. It was lower when mine trained too.