To think that not toilet training your child is seriously irresponsible?

This again 🙄
Years ago kids has to be toilet trained before they started school then they realised this was discriminating against children with disabilities and those who were delayed for any reason
And people can't see the correlation with more children starting school in nappies?
Anyone who thinks it's becsuse parents are lazy clearly has never had ti change an older child's nappy

You don’t get to decide what’s an appropriate age for someone else’s child. Surely you’re not dense enough to think that just because your child did it at a certain age then this is absolutely the only right age for the rest of the worlds population of children to do it too?

My children were both well into their 3’s. They weren’t ready before. I know this because I tried and it was a constant battle which caused much distress to them. So I chose to leave it for a while and came back to it when they were ready. And they both cracked it within days. My approach worked for me and my children. You did it earlier. It doesn’t make you any better.

Yes, but teachers have enough to do, without having to change the nappies of children that should be toilet trained. 🤷‍♀️

Yes I agree. There you have all the parents making excuses and blaming it on ND. No it’s lazy parenting.

The reasoning behind it is that parents are now told by the professionals and experts not to push their child, and to "wait until they show signs of readiness", and if you try to potty train and they resist, don't push them and try again at a later date. I've no doubt that this method does work for a large number of children, otherwise they wouldn't bother saying it. But all children are different, and some children don't "show signs of readiness" until they are three or even four, and I am convinced that leaving it so late gives some children a sort of complex. I've known a few mums who've had real struggles getting their 4yos out of nappies in time for starting school, and they were beside themselves because the children were just refusing to use a potty or toilet. Very often they'll be fine doing wees but not poos, and still want to poo in a nappy. It's like they've got a sort of mental block against it, and I do wonder if that comes from starting so late. I strongly suspect that the current official advice is counterproductive for some children.

Between 20 and 30 months is generally the best. I did it at 26 months for each of mine. They're winter born so we waited for some warmer weather. We did the nothing on the bottom half method.

I’m terrified this is going to happen to me. DS is 2.5 with an expressive language delay so can’t tell me when he’s had a wee or a poo. His receptive language and understanding is good generally, but when I ask if he’s had a poo he shakes his head even when I can smell otherwise!!! He hates being changed so I think he does know what he’s being asked but says no anyway! He’s started hiding behind the sofa to do it, which I suppose shows some awareness too. I have tried sitting him on the toilet as well as showing him what to do - sometimes it goes well (he likes flushing the chain and washing his hands), but sometimes he just cries. We were going to go straight to a toilet seat but maybe it’s time to just start trying with a sit down potty and do it the long way. If anybody has any tips on potty training a toddler with an expressive speech delay I’m all ears!

Hopefully he’ll be ready in good time before nursery 😖 Will admit this post did hit a bit of a nerve, as Mum was a nursery teacher & head of EYFS before retiring so - I’m very conscious of these sorts of views and don’t want his nursery teacher to think we are lazy parents. Just know that it’s not always a case of purposefully delaying / can’t be bothered 😭

But everyone on this thread is saying 2.5-3 is too late to potty train.
I think 2.5 - 3 is fine to start. I did it with 4 starting too early and you just sit them down and hope for the best. When around that age they tend to understand and will probably catch on quicker. I was lucky to be a SAHM I can understand how hard it must be when working full time.

I have a full time nanny, my son doesn't go to full time nursery. But I have no idea how we would potty train at 18 months in just a couple of weeks if he was. Every book on potty training before 2 says it takes months and consistency.

If the nursery won't help, then obviously yes, you leave it until closer to 3, take a week of annual leave and done.

But everyone on this thread is saying 2.5-3 is too late to potty train.

So most working parents can't win.

Or are you saying you managed to potty train a toddler under the age of 2 in a week?

I imagine though that up until quite recently, children who weren't potty trained at school age just didn't go to mainstream school.

My son is incontinent and goes to a mainstream school with changing facilities and I'm incredibly grateful that he can be as comfortable as possible at school.

Probably because the kids with issues had accidents. DS went to school at a time when no one was in nappies and had accidents, he was diagnosed with ASD and Dyspraxia at 10. I've worked in schools where children had frequent accidents - parents probably now just put those children in nappies instead.

I really don't think it's rocket science tbh and the faux horror around it is ridiculous.

Keeping kids in nappies which cost a bomb and which you have to change is a huge hassle - so the lazy parent trope just doesn't wash with me.

I would imagine that all these children will go on to be diagnosed with SEN at some point. I had a really terrible time training DS, it wasn't until he was 10 years old that he was finally diagnosed with ASD and dyspraxia.

I find these threads that are just so desperate to look down on other parents pathetic. What exactly are you looking to get out of this OP apart from to feel like you're better than these 'lazy' parents?

this ‘nappy at age 5’ is a relatively new thing. My daughter’s class, 10 years ago, had no-one in nappies. Last years Reception class had 4 out of 30 in nappies. How has this become a thing?
This. When mine were in primary no one was in nappies. Only had toilets no provision for changing. Few years later they had to have an extension with changing facilities showers to accommodate the amount of children not toilet trained. This hasn't been going on for years it is a relatively new thing. Mine weren't alowed to go to playschool without being toilet trained.

It’s tricky though isn’t it and it’s not hard to see how we have ended up here. Rise in SEN, more people working, yes people can take annual leave but if some nursery’s require children to be out of nappies for two weeks before they will accept them in pants, that can be tricky, especially if children don’t get it straight away. Children starting school younger. Lack of support, for example the old sure start centres, for those who are struggling. It’s a range of reasons, and I’m not saying there are no lazy parents but I think they make up a minority of cases.

@Cheepcheepcheep our just turned 3 year old (august birthday) is struggling with it so you’re not alone!
It clicked for our first dc at 3 1/2 and he never had an accident since so I’m honestly not too worried with dc2.

You have to set some time aside, take annual leave. Potty training is a necessary evil. I’m a working mum and managed. Work is not an excuse.

There are huge differences between being lazy parents incapable of the responsibility to toilet train a child to children being ready to get it (I'm not mentioning SEN children because that's a different ball game)

I have 3 sons and all of them were different. My last 2 were easy, my middle child was in underwear when he was 3.5 (with a few accidents at night), and the youngest was a dream. He refused to wear nappies soon after turning 2 and by 3 he was using the toilet even at night (again with a few accidents here and there)

My oldest however, had us in tears because he wouldn't get it. We were seriously considering deferring him because well into his 3s he was still being timed for potty training. The best advice I received was from my aunt, who told me to leave him in peace for a few months and try again. It worked. Maybe it was taking the pressure off him, or that he was ready to finally crack it, I still don't know.

Aww my little one was like this. She was on antibiotics at least one week out of every month between about 9 months and 2.5 years. She was great for wees from about 21 months but bless her she’d have awful tummy issues from constant co-amoxiclav. We used probiotics etc but luckily she’s had a long term low level medication which has reduced the need for the regular anti biotic and she’s has no accidents for months now. She will hopefully have ear surgery soon so she will never need them again!

people used to act like I was making up excuses ‘well mine has never poo’ed themselves’ etc… if my dd only pooped once every few days, I’m sure she’d have cracked it in weeks! As it was she was having acidic diarrhea multiple times a day, an adult would have struggled never mind a toddler !

Can so relate to this! My son was 3 in June and it's been so hard to potty train him. His sister got it pretty much straight away and was fully trained within a few days.

He doesn't start school until September next year so we've got plenty of time! But it totally get your frustration and worry.

To be totally frank it didn’t. Not in the way we see it now. I’ve been a senior Nursery Nurse in a Primary School for over 22 years. I have worked with thousands of children. In my first 15 years it was extremely rare. Now half of my last class had SEN needs. It’s unmanageable and society needs to wake up.

We have a lot of children starting in nappies too. On top of the extreme behaviour needs, total lack of focus or attention spans, speech delays, self care needs and toileting issues. I used to LOVE my job. I’m dreading going back next week.

This definitely the experience with my grandchild and the problem was still there aged 5 ,only now recently has the huge corner been turned and now finally pooing in the loo .The stress was hideous for all concerned,definitely not lazy parenting !
Am sick of these judgy threads .

I had one DD trained at 2y4m and one at 3y2m.

The one at 3y2m has never had an accident- she was ready later but cracked it immediately.

Luckily my nursery was great. There’s one staff member who is a potty training queen and basically does one child a week and by Friday they pretty much always have the hang of it.

Many reasons. Waste caused by prolonged nappy usage and giving the child some dignity are my main ones.

My 3.5 year old is very upset if he even splashes on himself, I can't image how embarrassed and ashamed he would feel to have to constantly go to the loo in his nappy at this age. It's not fair that children aren't given the correct skills at an appropriate age.

@SunnyChubby234 How are you supposed to potty train a 2 year old if the childcare setting they are in for 5 days a week is refusing to help ? A parent can only do so much in 2 days.

We potty trained our just turned 2yr old when taking holidays so we had a block of nine days with the weekends either side of a week.