To think that not toilet training your child is seriously irresponsible?

Maybe parents need to ask re their approach when chosing a setting, with both my children we had a period of 5 days or so at home (using annual leave etc) and then nursery supported. Sent loads of changes of clothes in and accidents were chalked up to experience.

Two of my friends actually had their childcare initiate potty training in the setting because they were lax (the parents that is) and leaving it late and the setting said they were ready. One friend put her child back in pull ups over the weekend despite nursery saying they were doing well 🙄

I don’t think it’s fair to say nurseries don’t support, IME they want them out of nappies before preschool where the ratios make it harder to support.

Please stop shaming parents who clearly will be trying their hardest. We potty trained at around 25 months, but continued to have accidents. We had zero support from health visitors, school nurse and GP, they all said it's normal for boys up until their 5th birthday. We're now at almost 7 and they think it may be a SEN issue, but we're still to see the incontinence clinic as the wait list is so long.

This isn't all about lazy parents, but mainly the dismantling of support, no home visits, increased NHS waiting lists.

yes you’re right but I think these children/ families have bigger issues going on. They probably haven’t been socialises early, gone to play groups or preschool. If your child attended nursery or pre school they would only encourage them to get toilet trained and naturally toddlers want to copy their friends who are using the toilet! It’s is unacceptable and lazy neglectful parents unless of course there is a genuine health/ disability reason

Which is probably the rough percentage of kids with sen that would be expected.

It's not an issue if some children take longer and accidents will happen. The issue is so many parents setting the bar low for toilet training. Its basically kicking the can down the road and placing even more strain on nursery/early year settings which are already stretched the max.

It's not an issue if some children take longer and accidents will happen. The issue is so many parents setting the bar low for toilet training. Its basically kicking the can down the road and placing even more strain on nursery/early year settings which are already stretched the max.

Why exactly is it an issue if a some children take a few months longer to toilet train than others ?

This is the problem with today parents. Low set bar.

@SunnyChubby234 , but you’re right: if this is the attitude, of course parents will just do it when it clicks in a matter of days at age 3. It was a bit of a slog for us at 2. DB waited and DNephew was dry night and day in a matter of days, no accidents at just turned 3.

I had no idea because some friends said nursery was massively helpful with the potty training, and that the peer influence and group toilet visits really accelerated progress. One friend even said they just did what nursery advised at home in the evenings and on the weekend and nursery did it for the main part since DC is there full time all week. We’re in central London and the friends in question have DC in chain nurseries. I wonder if it’s the private ones that are a bit less supportive generally speaking…

Wow that is amazing. When my boys went to playgroup at around two and a half to three they were expected to be potty-trained but we were allowed to leave spare clothes for them in case of accidents. We did get a few wet clothes back but by school that would have not been the case for any of them and their classmates.

Unfortunately most nurseries in London that we have looked into do have that attitude. I was shocked and it suddenly made sense to me why parents have to wait until much later nowadays.

That’s really poor from the nursery as Jamie Glowacki (the Oh Crap author) stresses they won’t self initiate for a few weeks and need reminding for about three weeks. Fair enough nurseries shouldn’t be doing the main potty training and basics but they can’t expect parents to take at least three weeks off and stay at home to potty train to the level where they can trot off to the toilet at nursery. And I say that as someone who took time off to do it when DD was just turned 2 but a week for a nine day block. I’d move nursery if they wouldn’t budge on this as those accidents and set backs must be so detrimental to getting the job done and done well.

@Lookatyourself I’m sure it is.

That's a nursery issue. Unacceptable that they won't remind a trained child to go to the loo. I would ask them to, if they still didn't, I would move nurseries

But many of the parents here (including me) successfully trained their older children at a younger age. I had one child who didn't get it, and training him was far, far more effort than training his older sister.
In one case there was a week of high effort, followed by a week of being very careful when out and about followed by being more or less relaxed from them on.

With the other, there was a week of high effort, followed by another week of high effort, repeated every couple of months, followed by seeking out expert advice and putting that in place (lots more effort) and trying to balance following that advice with dealing with the judgement caused by that advice (which involved a gradual building of skills, habits and body awareness over a year, while using songs and stories and having talks, making sure that he didn't get constipated and generally spending quite a lot of time working hard for results that were very effective in the long term, but not immediately apparent).

Easy to say don’t be lazy and take a week off to toilet train them but it’s hard for working parents. I took a week off for my first when he was 2.5, he got it straight away in that he would go if we reminded him and put him on the potty but absolutely would not tell us if he needed to go even after several weeks (no SEN, no speech issues, he just flat out refused for some reason), and nursery refused to remind him which meant loads of accidents and them asking him to go back in nappies. What should I have done in that case, I couldn’t take endless annual leave until he started to ask himself? We ended up having to put him back in nappies and wait until well after 3 to try again. Now with my second who is nearly 3 I am keen to start but I don’t want the same experience as last time so it’s putting me off. Parents can’t win sometimes.

Why is this any of your or anyone else’s business?

Many children aren’t diagnosed with need until they start school.

Parents don’t know what they’re looking for, having realised a difference, aren’t quite ready to accept it - etc etc.

Theres every chance that many of those still not toilet trained when they get to school do have need, they’re just not diagnosed yet.

Inertia and being scared to start training is more likely. I doubt parents want to leave it late, they just lack the confidence to start

I think this is why

You really think it's easier changing the nappy of an older child than just not bothering toilet training them ? Plus a school aged child with no disabilities is not going to want to be in nappies.

Not always the case - if anything we’ve put in more hours and more effort trying because it’s been so incredibly challenging and difficult.

This. 💯. If parents had to boil, wash and dry terry nappies, every day, non SEN children would be toilet trained earlier.

Disposables may not be cheap, but they are easy.

My child is 5 and still in pull ups. ASD and pathological demand avoidance has made it impossible. School (mainstream) are fine about it and will do changes when needed. We’ve tried everything and nothing has worked .