To think that not toilet training your child is seriously irresponsible?

There's a lady on instagram who says her child doesn't have SEN yet he is starting school in Sept. He has a dummy and nappies.

Boss mummy is the acct

This thread doesn't apply to my situation as my daughter is disabled and will very likely never be "toilet trained" as such. She's catheterised for wees and on medication to keep her drunk, buy still wears nappies just in case . There are ways to achieve "social cleanliness" which we will explore closer to school age. Currently she's the only one in her group at nursery that's still in nappies, but there are definitely others who get distracted playing and have accidents or don't quite make it on time.

Anyway, the reason I'm commenting: I live abroad and recently saw a headline on the front of the main tabloid newspaper here: "Worrying number of children starting school in nappies and unable to speak local language". I'm unsure whether both points refer to the same children, but just thought it was interesting that it's apparently not just the UK seeing an increase in nappies at school.

It’s weird how posters can give decades of experience of early years teaching and nursery nursing and say that willingness to toilet train is getting worse…and yet others insist that they must be mistaken.

I’m with those with longstanding, expert knowledge.

Wait a couple of weeks, they'll be in the news again.

I remember the odd thing like that, but not what daily occurrences were etc.

Well we are all different arnt we I was in reception in 1978/79 and remember a child being scrubbed down in. A yellow bucket because he must have had a 💩 accident, think the rest of the kids had left ( can't remember why I was still there )
I also remember my friend being quietly led away from our table, and when i looked down there was a puddle of pee .

I barely remember a thing from reception, nevermind what other children’s bladder habits were.

Really?

So the “pants cupboard” and at least one child a day being sent home with wet pants in a plastic bag is something many of us mis-remember from the 80s?

Certainly no one was in nappies but accidents were very common in many children when I was in reception.

Yep.

My 9 year old is incontinent and needs changing multiple times a day due to his bowel issues. Not long ago he wouldn't have been allowed in a mainstream school but not only does he go to mainstream school, his school has changing facilities that cater to his needs.

Having worked at several schools/playgroups from 1983 to 1989 with hundreds of infant school aged children, they were most certainly not.

I see this one is still going.

Another factor other than the fact that children in reception class were wetting and soiling themselves left right and centre in the 80s is that more children with SEN are in mainstream schools now.

There were a lot more “special schools” in my area when I was a kid that have now closed down and are now either businesses or flats.

It's so tough. Our son was toilet trained between Xmas and New year just gone and nailed it. Now, for the last 6 weeks he has been having non stop accidents. He is due to start school next week and I'm worried sick. He knows when to go but just gets distracted and I'm "hoping" it is just the anxiety of school and it will resolve once started.

It did take us 3 attempts between the ages of 2-3 to nail potty training. I found the key is to try and if it isn't working stop as it is too mcuh stress for all concerned. It's tough when nurseries don't help very much and as a parent you are working as well and only have evenings and weekends to try sort it.

Yes, DH and I never argued so much as we did while potty training, even though it clicked much more on our second attempt. It’s just easy to undermine each other with it, I think. We had a real battle of wills with DD too. I dread to think how much more stubborn she’d have been at much older.

I’d argue it’s easier for some to just keep the nappies than potty train if a child is in childcare for full days and full time eg 8-6 Mon to Fri. But I found potty training pretty tough. Hated changing nappies still by the time they were coming up to two also but it was much easier than potty training.

Do you really think it's easier to just not toilet train a child ,then change the nappies of an older child?

It’s not easier than when they’re trained and away but the interim period can be challenging. Hence some people put it off.

That's because they were not allowed too ,untill they realised they were discriminating ,against children with disabilities or delays for whatever reason.

A combination of more SEN plus most children attend nurseries who are quick to put children back in nappies but parents can’t just take off a week or two to potty train whereas 20-30 years ago there were more sahp who were able to stay home for a week to focus on it

I remember discussing this with my health visitor when mine were small, she told me that no child ever started school in nappies, roll on over 30 years and here we are, children ARE at school in nappies, so what has gone wrong?😬

Where have you seen this?

It’s very very different with a SEN child. Sometime due to sensory and balance issues they can’t even sit on a potty or toilet seat !

If only I’d thought to do that …

Yes it's a ball ache but how much effort is it to sit your kid in a potty in the morning and evening as a bare minimum. They will soon have dry nappies. I've seen kids of 4 and 5 years old with bulging full nappies where there parents have just kept the nappy on all day. It's disgusting and is completely neglectful.

How would you know, you were two and a half?
And there's a difference between not technically being in nappies and frequent accidents.

There’s a difference between the odd accident in infants class (hence the pants cupboard) and not being toilet trained.
No rose coloured glasses here, very few of my generation (born mid 60s) were still in nappies at 2 and a half.

We’ve got huge chunks of society who receive everything for nothing, putting zero effort in parenting, have no work ethic, morals or education, and churn out not only kids that are not potty trained, but also actual little bullying thugs that turn school life into a nightmare for both teachers and regular children.
It’s a huge sociocultural problem that people are too scared to admit let alone consider solving.