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Original poster

To think that not toilet training your child is seriously irresponsible?

241 replies

SnugShaker · 27/08/2025 21:50

I keep seeing stories about kids starting school still in nappies and I just don’t understand how that happens. Barring medical or developmental issues, surely toilet training is a basic part of parenting?

I get that every child is different but isn’t it neglectful to send a child into the world without such a fundamental skill? Interested to hear different perspectives, am I being too harsh or is this genuinely a problem?

OP posts:
Italiandreams · 27/08/2025 22:18

Mine only got there just before 4, he does have SEN but this is only recognised because I’m pretty clued up. It would have been very easy for it to be missed and I would be labelled a lazy parent. It took huge effort by me, health professionals and pre school. People are so quick to judge and less quick to think about why.

Cheepcheepcheep · 27/08/2025 22:17

Sorry @cadburyegg youre right. I was referencing this from a PP

My kids went to a private nursery - loads of kids in the preschool room NOT potty trained. They also went to a school preschool which would only accept toilet trained children - they were ALL potty trained. The only difference was that one setting didn’t allow it and the other did.

mynameiscalypso · 27/08/2025 22:16

Cheepcheepcheep · 27/08/2025 22:10

I’m bloody trying with DS (3y 3m). He’s just not getting it and it’s driving me mad. Obvs not saying this to him.

I’m terrified he’ll be one of the statistics this time next year and I regret being so gung ho about ‘oh it’s so easy!’ when DD was sorted so easily.

He’s the only kid in the preschool room in nappies and I feel crap about it. Thanks, OP.

This was my DS. We were considering deferring him because we were worried he wouldn’t be potty trained by the time he started school. We gave up for a few months and then he cracked it in 24 hours when he finally decided he was ready. And he was then much more reliably dry/clean than his friends who had been trained much earlier.

Cheepcheepcheep · 27/08/2025 22:15

cadburyegg · 27/08/2025 22:13

There’s a big difference between a 3 year old and a 4 year old which is what OP is referring to.

Show quote history

She’s talking about kids in the preschool room not being trained because parents can’t be arsed. So no, it’s what she said.

NotEnoughKnittingTime · 27/08/2025 22:14

Cheepcheepcheep · 27/08/2025 22:10

I’m bloody trying with DS (3y 3m). He’s just not getting it and it’s driving me mad. Obvs not saying this to him.

I’m terrified he’ll be one of the statistics this time next year and I regret being so gung ho about ‘oh it’s so easy!’ when DD was sorted so easily.

He’s the only kid in the preschool room in nappies and I feel crap about it. Thanks, OP.

He will do. Mine isn't either. I am sure they will get there.

Denim4ever · 27/08/2025 22:14

DC grown up now and the timing of choice when he was little was 3 and up. We went to live in the US for a bit when he was approaching 3 and the criteria for the nursery room was to be trained. Our UK nursery were very helpful when we started him training at 2.5. There were some moments when I thought he wouldn't get it, but he did within about 4 weeks. I think people just give up too easily these days.

cadburyegg · 27/08/2025 22:13

Cheepcheepcheep · 27/08/2025 22:10

I’m bloody trying with DS (3y 3m). He’s just not getting it and it’s driving me mad. Obvs not saying this to him.

I’m terrified he’ll be one of the statistics this time next year and I regret being so gung ho about ‘oh it’s so easy!’ when DD was sorted so easily.

He’s the only kid in the preschool room in nappies and I feel crap about it. Thanks, OP.

There’s a big difference between a 3 year old and a 4 year old which is what OP is referring to.

MindBodySoul · 27/08/2025 22:12

I work in reception and last year 6 out of 60 kids started in nappies .. 1 in 10 children

NotEnoughKnittingTime · 27/08/2025 22:12

TheSummerof25 · 27/08/2025 21:55

YANBU OP, potty training is the pits. IMO those who delay it are mostly doing so for convenience.

My kids went to a private nursery - loads of kids in the preschool room NOT potty trained. They also went to a school preschool which would only accept toilet trained children - they were ALL potty trained. The only difference was that one setting didn’t allow it and the other did.

That is a way to keep the SEN kids out I suppose!

Cheepcheepcheep · 27/08/2025 22:10

I’m bloody trying with DS (3y 3m). He’s just not getting it and it’s driving me mad. Obvs not saying this to him.

I’m terrified he’ll be one of the statistics this time next year and I regret being so gung ho about ‘oh it’s so easy!’ when DD was sorted so easily.

He’s the only kid in the preschool room in nappies and I feel crap about it. Thanks, OP.

NotEnoughKnittingTime · 27/08/2025 22:06

Zzzzzzzzz.

Myboyonlybreakshisfavouritetoys · 27/08/2025 22:05

YAWN another thread on this!

YABU unless you are actually a reception teacher dealing with this!

Reception teachers usually meet with parents in the July before their child starts and they will chat about toileting. If there are any issues then they will discuss them. If the child isn't trained at all they will strongly suggest the parent does so over the summer holidays.
Usually the issue is medical or SEN not parents.

Yes in the past people trained earlier but a child trained at 3/ 3 and a half should be completely fine a year later when they start school.

MarxistMags · 27/08/2025 22:01

It used to be that your child had to be dry by 3 to attend nursery. And of course they should !
And it's a given they must be dry by the time they go to school.

Original poster
SnugShaker · 27/08/2025 21:58

Mumtotwotoo2 · 27/08/2025 21:52

Mine wasn’t allowed to start school without being toilet trained, where have you heard of children starting school in nappies?

It’s come up in multiple places, both in articles and on parenting forums. Some reception teachers have even shared that they’ve had to help children change nappies or clean up accidents because they weren’t fully toilet trained. I know it’s not every school or every child and obviously children with developmental or medical issues are a different matter entirely. But it seems like there’s a growing trend of delaying toilet training and I just don’t understand the reasoning behind it.

OP posts:
TheSummerof25 · 27/08/2025 21:55

YANBU OP, potty training is the pits. IMO those who delay it are mostly doing so for convenience.

My kids went to a private nursery - loads of kids in the preschool room NOT potty trained. They also went to a school preschool which would only accept toilet trained children - they were ALL potty trained. The only difference was that one setting didn’t allow it and the other did.

Mumtotwotoo2 · 27/08/2025 21:52

Mine wasn’t allowed to start school without being toilet trained, where have you heard of children starting school in nappies?