To think that not toilet training your child is seriously irresponsible?

My DD didn’t fully get it until she was 4.5 ( and believe me we tried), at which point she learnt to go on a schedule. It turns out she’s autistic and doesn’t actually feel when she needs to go, but we didn’t know that then. Fortunately she’s autumn born so it was sorted before she started school, but if she’d been a few weeks older…

One thing that annoys me on MN is that many posters say, "oh, I just waited until my child was ready, then it took 15m and she never had an accident since".

Cue other poor posters whose kids who were never going to get it in 15m regardless of age feeling reassured that if they wait long enough, it will be easy for them too.

Truth is most children will fall into the "weeks" timeline, not the "days" or "months" one. We're on day 10, and he's having fewer accidents, initiating and generally staying dryer longer.

But it's a slog (not the training itself, but the knock on to the rest of your life). If I wasn't sure he was making progress I'd be damn tempted to believe that it would mythically take 15m if I waited another 6m.

My daughter was like this. The reception teachers were happy for us to put spare underwear etc in the bag. We had outside help to try to sort it. One day I realised she hadn't done one in her panties for a week or two. She had started doing it by herself! She was and is a stubborn little bugger.

My DD starts school Thursday and cannot poop on the toilet she only does it in her knickers. We have been trying for 2.5 years so no it’s not we just can’t be arsed! Unfortunately she will just have to go to school there isn’t anything we haven’t tried. My eldest was potty trained at 2.5 years within 1 week. Every child is different it’s not that parents just aren’t doing it. The past 2.5 years have been awful for us as a family !

They presumably have the same staffing as any other nursery setting, and our nursery are really supportive!

Though tbf, our nursery is purpose built, and the room layouts have been really thoughtfully considered to support easy changes, food prep etc.

Nappies are so expensive and bad for the environment I couldn't wait to get mine out of them!

I find these responses shocking. I'm in Central London, DS was required to be potty trained by 3 for nursery. He's only 6 now so this wasn't in the dark ages! Where are schools having one-third of their reception pupils in nappies??

I work with lots of schools. One of them has 45 new Reception children starting next week. In July, 16 of those 45 children were still in nappies.

One can hope that the parents will spend the summer toilet training, but I’m confident that several/many of those children will still be in nappies next week. The school has had to employ additional staff just to change nappies and support with toilet training.

That's exactly what I said.

I agree that it should be on a case by case basis. All I got was that it is enough for most children which may be the case but when it isn't enough for your child, it isn't enough.

And yes we were told about the absorbency of the products but you can't leave a child in their own faeces because the product is supposed to be very absorbant

It really should be a case by case service imo

He gets a whopping 4 a day. I was told it is a supplementary service and that 4 a day is enough for most children because of how absorbent the pads are.🙄

Please tell me you get pads prescribed by the NHS ?
When my son was in nappies we used to get three a day we always ran out before we got the next supply
I would hope your son is entitled.to more than three?

4 times in 3 hours wouldn't be unusual for my son, it used to be constant but has calmed down thankfully as his bowel has improved slightly but they think this is as good as it's going to get because he doesn't absorb nutrients very well which is why his poos are almost always mushy and frequent.

We've tried a few things but unfortunately nothing has worked so they've said that he'll very likely always need pads now.

My daughter has everything between nothing at all for 2 days (if it gets to 3 we give a suppository) and 4 times in three hours. Usually mushy, sometimes slightly firmer. I wish it was even slightly predictable so we could just sit her on the toilet at specific times and try to catch them that way! She's only 3.5 so at least currently we can still lift her on to the toilet for wees (intermittent catheterisation) as long as she hasn't pooed. She can at least kneel (holding on to something) so that might eventually be an option for cleaning, although having her kneel on the floor of a public toilet doesn't seem pleasant or dignified. Hopefully by the time she's 9 we'll have a solution for at least getting her out of nappies (enemas has been mentioned as an option).

Yep.

Changing my son isn't easy.

He's 9, tall for his age and is physically disabled so can't stand. His bowel also doesn't work correctly which means that he goes multiple times a day and he doesn't have very firm poos either.

I agree with those saying changing an older child isn't easier. Maybe it is if the child can stand up? I don't know. My daughter is at the absolute upper age and weight limit for most changing facilities, and too long for basically all of them. So it's always a struggle to figure out where/how to change her. Not to mention the smell. I would so much rather stick her on the toilet to poo then quickly wipe her than clean the mushy, stinky poo from her entire nappy area. Possibly it's easier with children who have firmer poos and can actually stand up so it's just a case of whipping off the nappy and quickly cleaning them up? I'll probably never know.

Exactly that's what I don't get ,my son trained at around nine it's not a walk in the park people seem to think it is ,he's severely autistic and was completely oblivious to wearing nappies but as you say a child without disabilities would refuse to wear them .

My 8 year old only toilet trained this summer.

Once they get to around 4.5 not being toilet trained is not easier at all. You can't leave them anywhere like clubs, for obvious reasons and physically changing them when out is a nightmare. Products get far more expensive too. No NT child will allow themselves to be in nappies past around 4 either.

So you have seen one child then who appears to have been around four in a nappy on one occasion ?
There maybe many reasons for that or it maybe neglect as you say ,but nobody can really say.

‘appears’ is the problem though because you don’t actually know unless you are aware of their background/medical information.

My son isn’t autistic, has no learning disabilities or sensory issues and he will need to wear pads into adulthood because his bowel doesn’t work correctly. You wouldn’t know that by just looking at him.

Took us 3 attempts too with DD. We started at around 2years. 1st attempt - I had her out of nappies for a week in the summer, nappy back on at night but we made no progress. 2nd attempt - a friend told me to put her in knickers and every time she soiled them to have a soapy bucket nearby and get her to wash them (apparently this worked a treat for her daughter). No luck. 3rd attempt- we just put her on the potty in the morning as soon as she woke up and last thing before bed. We still had nappies on her during the day and night. after a couple of weeks we stopped the day nappies as she was asking for the potty and day nappies were dry. After another few weeks night nappies were also dry so we stopped those too. I think the routine trained her body and it worked for us but each child is different. She still had accidents obviously but these got far less frequent.

Many places. Pubs,holidays, camping, even parents evenings (I'm a teacher). One pub incident a very loud obnoxious bloke had brought his 2 kids to the pub, girl about 4, boy about 7. Girls nappy was so full it was down to her knees. This was a Friday evening in the beer garden which had a play area. We were sat in the garden with our kids while this dad was in the pub and his kids in the garden. Husband and I discussed it extensively as I was really upset by it and wanted to approach Dad to ask if I could change her. Obvs husband told me in no uncertain terms that was a very bad idea a) because I could be a random perv and b) because dad was busy being very sweary and loud in the pub with his mates. Now you could say, dad was perhaps a weekend dad but ultimately this little girl had not been trained to go to the toilet and was told by either one or both parents that it was ok to just pee in a nappy. Incidentally, the boy was going to tables asking for food too so this was a serious neglectful situation. This was the worst I've encountered but I've been shocked many times at the age of kids still in nappies. Due to job, I'm pretty aware of how SEN kids present and am obviously aware that some may need to continue to wear protection into adulthood, I take absolutely no issue with that but when a kid appears to have no motor or sensory issues I do.

Agreed. Not talking about SEN kids, that's a different kettle of fish.

I accidentally followed a mum one time, whose five year old was using a dummy and had really funny teeth and she kept bringing it up in stories and saying random people (shop cashier for example ) have been telling her dd she doesn’t need the dummy and what horrible people they must be for judging and shaming.