Feeling a bit disappointed because of colleague?

Too tired to come to the office?!
Then you're not fit to work, imo.
So flaky.
(Obvs not @op, her colleague)

It sounds like you were looking forward to meeting her and it turns out she wasn't that bothered about meeting you? I don't mean that to sound awful because if that was the case I too would feel a bit put out, you made the effort to make sure you were sat next to her so I don't think YABU in that respect.

I agree with you OP. It was poor form of her. This would be frowned upon where I work - she made no effort to take advantage of a rare opportunity to work closer with an immediate colleague. If I were her line manager I would question her priorities and commitment.

I'm with you, OP. Even if you didn't travel specifically to meet her, she should have made an effort to meet you, especially since she's complaining of being left out. At the very least a courtesy email to apologise beforehand.

Maybe she genuinely did feel rotten that day though. My periods make me feel utterly ropey for instance but I tend to spare colleagues the details

And as you were going there anyway I can see why she didn't rush to tell you.

If there's a pattern that's one thing but as a one off i wouldn't read anything into it

I think it's a bit lame. I have that kind of work situation. Most would make the effort to be there where I am or you let the person know you're not going to be there.

Did you miss the bit where she implied she would be there (great, see you then), and also that she complains that she’s in an office by herself anyway from the rest of the team?

You don’t tell a colleague you’ll be in the office at a certain time and then bail because you feel a bit tired. You also don’t whine about being in a separate office if you can’t be bothered to go in when one of your team is actually going to be there.

Yes, this.

Is this it?

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5394442-am-i-unreasonable-for-not-wanting-to-go-to-this-work-event?reply=146514866

If I could find a link, I wouldn’t be asking the question. 😎

Can you find a link?

Didn’t your colleague post about this on mumsnet a week or so ago, saying she knew a colleague would be coming to the office, hoping to see her, and was she being unreasonable not to go into the office that day because she wouldn’t be up for being sociable and wanted to stay home?

Totally agree with all of this. I’m finding the OP very odd for this ‘disappointment’, for the coworker it was just an average day that the OP happened to be in office B.

Not to mention, “Feeling a bit tired” is usually code for “look I don’t want to give details for having a shit night for reasons A, B, or C”

But you had to go to Office B for a meeting anyway, regardless of whether your colleague was there or not. You didn't go there especially to see her, so she's done nothing wrong by not being in the office. And what difference would it have made if she'd told you in advance that she couldn't come in? You'd still have had to go to the office for your meeting either way. You're being really precious and a bit intense about this, I think. She's not obliged to come in just because you're there.

Do you know if she ever comes in? She might be coasting below the radar. She might even be abroad.

do you get on well generally?

^ This.

I often feel knackered, or a bit unwell, or headachy, but I have no option other than to go into the office. Does this person actually do any work at home if they're too tired to go into the office??! No wonder employers are stamping down on the work from home thing.

She probably forgot, woke up the next day, realised her error then sent that message. It's something I would do. My partner forgot a team meal once, it happens.

It’s disappointing but does it really matter? ‘Too tired’ could mean she was up all night with a baby/IBS/menopause insomnia/a DV in incident. You just don’t know. Next time you’re in her office, let her know again and maybe it’ll work out.

Did you not read the OP?

YANBU in feeling a bit out out about this, and she was definitely rude. Especially to not even message you to say she wasn't coming in after all. It was your second visit to her office this year and she's your team member - she should have hosted you, made sure you had what you needed and joined you for lunch IMO.

She's maybe a bit dim and didn’t understand this would be the professional expectation. Or, maybe a bit intimidated by you or couldn't face the actual F2F communication after months of dealing with you remotely. Either way, it's not a you problem and I wouldn't take it personally. It won't have gone down well with her line manager.

I would be a bit surprised and disappointed, but I work in a profession that requires a lot interaction with people so this would generally be considered stand offish behaviour and a bit odd.

You could never tell people at my work that you were working from home because you ‘felt tired’ either. It would provoke a number of negative reactions.

This would reflect badly on her in my organisation. I wonder if she was nervous maybe… but yes, v poor show.

I'd say her action was unreasonable, especially considering you're her team member.

But there seems to be a certain group of people who prefer to remain insular, almost resentful of collaboration, and who appear genuinely uncomfortable with friendliness in the workplace. To them, any interaction beyond strictly formal or transactional exchanges feels "demanding." It’s as though they want relationships with colleagues to mirror the detached interactions they have with strangers on the street.

I'd say working from home is the perfect excuse as it allowed her to avoid the horror of your presence!! You know now what to expect if you ever have to go there again. Still pathetic- I mean even if she didn't want to have to interact with you - I just suck it up buttercup it's one morning!!

I do see what the issue is?