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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think most people would leave their partner if they knew they’d never be caught?

36 replies

ThatBluntCrow · 27/08/2025 14:03

So much of “commitment” seems tied to fear of consequences - divorce, shame, money. AIBU to think if people were guaranteed secrecy, loads more would walk away from their relationships?

OP posts:
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RabbitintheHeadLamps · 27/08/2025 16:05

I have no idea what this thread is about?

Do you mean if someone could walk away as if they never existed?

Autumn38 · 27/08/2025 16:01

DenizenOfAisleOfShame · 27/08/2025 14:12

I’m fascinated by the idea of secretly not being with someone.

I’m secretly not with Henry Cavill. Before that I secretly walked away from Brad Pitt.

winning post of the day. Made me snort with laughter

CurlewKate · 27/08/2025 15:54

DenizenOfAisleOfShame · 27/08/2025 14:12

I’m fascinated by the idea of secretly not being with someone.

I’m secretly not with Henry Cavill. Before that I secretly walked away from Brad Pitt.

I’m secretly not with Jason Isaacs.

BallerinaRadio · 27/08/2025 15:53

I think the OP needs rebooting, I agree this makes zero sense

Notagain75 · 27/08/2025 15:47

I don't understand what you are saying? If you were going to leave your partner why would you need secrecy ? You can't really leave someone and keep it a secret anyway.

BeltaLodaLife · 27/08/2025 15:47

How can you secretly leave someone? And caught by whom?

ForLovingAquaSheep · 27/08/2025 15:44

Is the word caught correct here?

If you mean do some people feel trapped, but not enough to leave, because:

  • society judgement on single parents
  • worries about impact of separation on kids
  • realities of lifestyle restrictions due to finances for single people v coulples

Then there'll be bucket loads of women and men, potentially thinking the grass is greener but the risk v reward isn't there to leave.

ohbee · 27/08/2025 15:38

You say about getting caught as if someone leaving a relationship is a naughty child.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 27/08/2025 14:44

I think that loads of men would leave their wives and kids if there were no social consequences - more than those that do already

I also think that a lot more women would. Not as many as men, but there would be a good few women who'd walk away or at most give the dad full custody and be a 2nd weekend parent

Idontjetwashthefucker · 27/08/2025 14:37

DenizenOfAisleOfShame · 27/08/2025 14:12

I’m fascinated by the idea of secretly not being with someone.

I’m secretly not with Henry Cavill. Before that I secretly walked away from Brad Pitt.

😁

Abthdust · 27/08/2025 14:36

How would I get caught if I left my partner? Who would catch me?

How does guaranteed secrecy help me to walk away from my relationship? Money, yes, that might help. Secrecy? Not so much.

Tillow4ever · 27/08/2025 14:31

DenizenOfAisleOfShame · 27/08/2025 14:12

I’m fascinated by the idea of secretly not being with someone.

I’m secretly not with Henry Cavill. Before that I secretly walked away from Brad Pitt.

Those bastards were secretly cheating on not seeing me with not seeing you? Arseholes.

DollopOfFun · 27/08/2025 14:30

What even ARE English language

Coconutter24 · 27/08/2025 14:29

WaitWhatWhatWait · 27/08/2025 14:27

Thank god it's not just me!

Show quote history

I read it a few times and still confusing lol

WaitWhatWhatWait · 27/08/2025 14:27

Coconutter24 · 27/08/2025 14:07

Your question doesn’t make sense

Thank god it's not just me!

Comedycook · 27/08/2025 14:25

I don't know what you mean really .

I don't think secrecy is relevant... unless you're from a very strict religious or cultural background, there's no shame in ending or leaving a relationship nowadays.

I think the biggest factor is money and a lot of people are stuck together because they couldn't manage financially as a single person.

Zempy · 27/08/2025 14:25

How would you not get “caught”? You leave your partner. They are presumably going to notice this…

Your post makes no sense.

somethingnewandexciting · 27/08/2025 14:23

I feel like my username would be perfect for this kind of deception!

HeinzTomato · 27/08/2025 14:22

Do you mean walk away from everything and start a new life with a new identity, op? Otherwise the question doesn't make sense.

If you do mean that, I think the answer is "absolutely not".

DiscoBob · 27/08/2025 14:18

Secrecy? So they'd have to go about pretending to still be with the person for the rest of their lives, and never get a new partner?! Why would anyone do that?

Utterly bizarre concept.

Mrsttcno1 · 27/08/2025 14:17

I’m not sure you’ve worded it very well to be honest.

I do think that lots of people, especially parents, stay in unhappy marriages for financial reasons, secrecy wouldn’t help that.

ForZanyAquaViewer · 27/08/2025 14:16

Kuretake · 27/08/2025 14:12

I don't get it. So I leave my husband but nobody knows? Does (now ex)DH notice? The kids?

This genuinely made me crack up! 😆

ARichtGoodDram · 27/08/2025 14:16

I think a lot more people would cheat if they guaranteed they wouldn't be caught.

I also think a lot more people would leave if they had the finances to do so.

somethingnewandexciting · 27/08/2025 14:15

Or maybe you mean a lot of people don't divorce because they cant afford to so pretend to friends they are staying for the kids?

CharlotteRumpling · 27/08/2025 14:15

DenizenOfAisleOfShame · 27/08/2025 14:12

I’m fascinated by the idea of secretly not being with someone.

I’m secretly not with Henry Cavill. Before that I secretly walked away from Brad Pitt.

😂 I am baffled too.